Identity Crisis.

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I don't know who I am, why I'm here, what the point of all of this is other than 28 or so years ago, my parents had a lot of sex and I was the result.

I don't even feel human and don't identify with any humans, not even my family who I get along with. I just feel like I get along with them because i've lived with them my whole life.

I wasn't given a script to this movie called life. I don't know how much more I can take.

Then on top of it, the meds that are "supposed" to help with my depression and mania just make me sleep 12 hours a day and have either PTSD dreams from getting bullied or weird dreams that don't make any sense. If I were just sleeping 12 hours without these dreams, at least I'd have a break from everything.

A girl may have been interested in me at a bar today and I don't even care. Doesn't matter. I just want out.

Maybe you ought to go talk to your prescribing physician about your meds. That crap can mess with your mind. Did you think like this before you took them? Are you more depressed right after you dose yourself? Have you read the list of side effects? Read it again. Call on your rational thought processes. Don't fall down that rabbit-hole of self-pity. Opiates can cause hallucinations/ bad dreams.

BTW, your parent's only had to have sex once to get you. No one has a script but I understand the alien feeling. We are neurally different. I like to imagine we are better, a genetic improvement, people just haven't figured it out yet. Hah!

I genuinely want to die. If it weren't for the pills, I'd likely would have done something already or at least been in and out of psych wards. I can't ever remember a time i wanted to live. I remember praying to God when I was 14 that I wouldn't wake up the next morning.

I've been going through an identity crisis of sorts, too. Without getting into details too much, since this thread is about you, not about me, I had a rough childhood and was forced to grow up when I was really young. Throughout my life, in a lot of ways, I was just trying to survive and make the most of what was being thrown at me. I wasn't learning to make choices about where I wanted to go in life or who I wanted to be; I was just trying to survive and 'tread water.'

Recently, over the past week or so, this all dawned on me. I realized I have no clear idea who I am, outside of those bad experiences that shaped me, and I have no idea where I want to go in life over the next few years. And, since I lived the first 20-some years of my life just reacting, rather than defining my own path, I feel like I'm totally lacking in the decision-making skills I need to figure it all out.

Anyway, the reason I'm sharing this is that I notice we are both the same age. I wonder if the timing this for us both has something to do with a quarter-life crisis as much as anything else?

Interesting points you make. I was severely bullied as a child and all the way through grade school, middle school and then high school and even by random people in college. When other people were thinking about what they wanted to do with their lives, I was just worrying about day to day survival.

But I don't think that's all of it. I don't seem to be interested in anything anyway. Even as a kid my parents forced me to do activities I didn't want to do. You can say I'm interested in women, but that's just a biological urge.

I have felt quite similar to you for most of my life. I don't really know who I am or who I should be. This has lead to depression for the majority of my life. I am currently doing better for the past 6 months or so and I think I can attribute it to a change in attitude towards certain aspects of myself. I have never enjoyed being alive, never felt like I want to be alive. I think I am now starting to accept my indifference to life as just a part of who I am. I don't have any friends, and sometimes I feel like I would like some, but I am starting to make myself do things on my own that I might otherwise do with friends. I'm not sure that these changes are responsible for my improvement, but it seems as though they are.
As far as medication goes, please talk to your doctor about the side effects you are experiencing. There may be an alternative that will help to stabilize your mood without the side effects.