my mother's suicide, one year later

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well, i've come up to the one year anniversary of my mother's suicide. i've started a few threads in this section about various issues over the last year, so i thought i'd give you an update.

on the night of December 1, 2010 she overdosed on a massive quantity of various medicines, and she was pronounced dead on December 2. i wrote about it late that night on this thread (link).

she was extremely lonely as it was her 43rd wedding anniversary and my dad had died 2 years before. she struggled with depression and attempted suicide at least 13 times over 10 years after she was brain injured in early 2001. she had various hospitalisations, electroshock therapy (ECT), medications, and weekly visits to a psychiatrist. what she didn't have was effective therapy as the professionals couldn't really get into her head.

i had asked people on the forum whether i should read her diaries (link) and i decided not to. i shipped them off to my sister so that she can read them if she wants. but i decided it would be detrimental to my mental health to delve too deeply into her mind.

one year later, my life is very different. i separated from my husband/best friend (still sharing a house), and i have i have a wonderful LDR with my boyfriend bucephalus. i am planning to move to the United Kingdom next year, where he lives. i've held a visa to work in his country for several years but did not dare to actually go. knowing that he awaits me over there is a big incentive.

my almost-adult daughter is doing well. she has achieved early admission to university, conditional on maintaining her grades until the end of the school year. my mother left her a cat in her will, which made my daughter happy. she is coping fine while her parents work through this amicable separation. she excited about my move to the UK and she will follow me over in a few years.

i've dropped some old hobbies like video games and blogging, and started some new activities like hip-hop dancing and moderating on WrongPlanet. i am still making music but only on occasion. at work i managed to cross the 2 year barrier in February (never lasted that long at a job before), and i have increased responsibilities. i also managed to keep a couple of friends for almost 3 years also.

i got my official aspie diagnosis in May (it was only informal before), paid for with money from my mother's estate. my mother never believed that i had AS, so it was curiously fitting to spend the money like that. i am the executor/personal representative of her estate, and the work is almost done.

it has been a rocky year emotionally. i had fallings-out with my sisters at times, and we did some therapy together to work on mending things. i have seen several therapists over the year for individual counselling too (different programs have a limited number of free sessions). i completed a series of anxiety coping workshops and in january i start attending a bereavement group.

a bunch of my hair fell out several months ago, and i am pleased to say that this has stopped. it was Telogen Effluvium, caused by stress. my body hair is still falling out, which is just fine . the doctor believed it to be caused by anxiety and lack of sleep, so i took tranquilisers for a while. i talked about it on another thread here (link).

over the last couple of weeks i started taking anti-depressants again after 2 or 3 years off them. i took them for a decade before that. i was disappointed in myself as i saw it as a sort of relapse but i was so overtaken by depression and anxiety that i could not pull myself out on my own. i am still not recovered, but i am on the road.

anyway, thanks for stopping by my thread and i apologise for the rambling. just wanted to let you know where i am at, one year later.

TL;DR version.... ummmmm.... i'm coping ok but it is hard. lots of life changes

I'm very sorry about your loss. I'm glad you're doing okay, but losing a parent is never easy.

I know how you feel because I lost my dad on November 26, 2010. Except in his case he was basically killed by negligence. Had all the sibling fallouts too.

And you're definitely not rambling. Take it from a long-time rambler.

thank you, DialAForAwesome! did you find the anniversary hard?

ntl;ria.

May every blessing be yours, Hyper. Amen.

thanks Fnord, that means a lot to me.

Sounds like you've had some hardships and have coped and done well in dealing with them.

Good luck in the future!

[Edited for clarity.]

Hugs and prayers to you and your family. I'm glad you are doing ok.

When we lose someone, I know it seems like we will never get over it. It's all we can think about. We never believe time help us have a different perspective. When it comes, we can almost seem to know the person in not only the way we knew them, but know them differently. From a different point of view.

Frances

Sweet Pea hugs.

thanks so much for the hugs, Mick!

You've had a lot of changes to accept and you've made and are making the very best of them and I admire you.

thank you purchase. i admire you too - you haven't had an easy time either and still you have pulled through.

I'm sorry about your loss. I'm new here and I didn't know about this. Glad to hear you're doing ok.

My dad killed himself on October 2 1991. I was 10. So in a way, I can relate, but you were a grown person when this had happened so I guess you reacted to it differently.

Hugs to you, hyper. And to all who have lost a loved one through suicide.

It sounds like you have a lot to look forward to, hyper. All the best with the planned move.

You have coped with so many problems so well Hyper, I admire you so very much.

This week was the ten year anniversary of my dad dying from alcoholism, so much has happened since then and time has gone so quick, its strange as it feels so different now but also so much the same.

I hope your move to the UK goes well (you must visit me when you come!!) and I hope you feel less anxious and down soon, the medication is certainly not a relapse, give your self some credit for coping so well with your problems of the last year, youve had all the most stressful life events in one year but coped brilliantly, a little bit of medication is nothing compared to that.

*super big hugs*

I barely interacted with you a year ago(we exchanged a couple of messages but didnt start interacting until someone made a thread about your absence and I contacted you about it) but I wanted to chime in on this thread.

You´ve gone through a lot of things this year but not all of them are bad. From what I understand this therapy sessions have helped you understand some aspects of yourself better and improve in some areas where you were having some difficulties.

Ive only lost my two grandmas and I didnt see them too oftenly/was too young at the time but I understand that this is probably a very hard experience and you´ve had the strength to go through it/"restart" your life afterwards.

{{hugs}}