I just don't care anymore.

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Why should I? sure I do actually care about things but my moms side of the family tells me I have to give into the machine(society) but to me its hell so why should I want to fit into it. uhhh I see no reason to ever freaking give into that.

Well, I'm with you 100% on that, so if you're looking for reasons to convince you otherwise then you should probably ignore this.

Contrary to what society would have you believe, being a part of something is not a requirement for happiness, at least not in my experience. For now it's best to concentrate on the things you care about. As for people putting pressure on you, they may ease off if you stop reacting to them as much (if you haven't already done that).

Maybe I'm not the best person to be giving advice on this since I'm more or less miserable as well but I think that was bound to happen no matter what kind of life I was leading. I've lived apart from society for many years and was quite happy for most of them.

I think the best goal to strive toward is to seek to effect change in the society. Of course, you do have to adapt to an extent in order to do that, but I see that adaptation as means to an ends which does not change who I am at the core. It's just a trick, an act of sorts, only used when it's actually necessary to allow you to achieve your goals.

I follow your posts..I'm sorry that I can't offer anything else, but I get you and I understand your problem.

Either I, being in a circle that you don’t belong in am not my cup of tea. I intend not to listen for other peoples criticism to degrade me ‘coz they don’t know the real me and what I’m capable of. If they are just talking to correct the wrong things I’ve done or give me an advice for better then it’s my pleasure but if it’s the other way around then good luck we can’t please everybody anyways.
It is hard to ask people do what they don’t wanna do; it might result to worst scenario.

Well I do have some ideas, but I probably will fail at them.......I have to attempt though, i am not quite ready to give up on it.......close but not quite.

Oh also Im now even more paranoid about my mom and her boyfriend........I feel like ever since the last conversation with my mom and sister did not go to well and now I feel they are all convinced I'm insane or something. I really, really do not want a chemical lobotomy so I really hope there is no way they can force me into psychiatric care. All I wanted to do was express I was frustrated.....as if everyone does not experiance that at some time or another.

My mom kept reapeating I needed psychological help, and I admit I do.........but not any that her or the damn system can provide, I just need to do something else besides repeatedly flunk college.

Yeah, you do have to try. Please don't give up, because so many people do.

I don't know what your ideas are, but stick with em. The reality of the situation is that you may have to support the machine to get those ideas through, but if you keep your eyes on the prize that should be tolerable for a while.

At any rate, you say you need psychological help, but not the "normal" kind? If you want some wicked abnormal advice, PM me. Not that my actual qualifications matter, but I'm about as qualified academically as any random counselor and all I really know personally is understanding how to help based on my own sh***y times and sentiments.

The offer is on the table.

Well I feel pretty crappy mentally at the moment, so maybe now would be a good time to go to bed can't feel much if I'm asleep.

Probably a good idea.

The offer is still on the table.

Agreed 100%. If you try too hard, it's going to get you exhausted, but adapting as necessary to achieve your own goals may be a useful skill. I've stopped trying as much as I used to, and pick and choose when it's necessary for me to push myself to adapt in order to achieve something *I* want.

~Kate

If you don't want medication, then don't see a psychiatrist (MD). There are psychologists and clinical social workers out there who understand ASDs. I saw one for about a year recently. She was someone who worked with some of the local school systems with autistic kids, and she was smart enough to know that adults may look a little different, especially those in their 40s who have had years to learn compensating mechanisms. I am on medications, but low doses that don't lobotomize me. But if you don't want them, just stick to seeing a therapist, and make sure it's one who knows something about autism in adults.

~Kate

Therapy does not seem to help any....and its not that I oppose the idea of medication in all cases, but I prefer cannabis to anything they would prescribe me because that actually helps.

Well, I still think changing your life circumstances could help with your depression. Also, I'm not sure what you mean by giving in to the machine. I don't think everything in society is wrong and evil. Seeing things so dire and black and white isn't good.

I understand how you feel though.

I've been feeling incredibly sh***y about my life and the world in general the last couple days. I felt explosive yesterday and now I have a nervous lump in my chest that won't go away.

I fail to see anything good about this society.....so why would I want to be part of the machine? There is no way anyone can convince me this is a positive society, there is no amount of meds that can convince me of it either. There is really no other way for me to see it, because this does not come from me feeling bad and trying to rationalize why its just what my experiances and obsevations have led me to belive.

I guess they could give me ECT to create holes in my memories, but I would never volunteer for such a thing.