What can I do and what should I do?

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I have Asperger's and am trying to work out what I should do.

Many years ago I was volunteering with a community service, running a support group for troubled youth in the evenings. I was also studying one night per week and holding down a full time job by day.

Then three teenagers in my group suicided over a 5 week period. I needed debriefing and the debriefing counsellor sexually assaulted me whilst I was under hypnosis.

I developed a psychotic illness - diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder - as a result of the hypnosis.

I have spent 26 years recovering from that psychosis. In 2009 I was also diagnosed with Asperger's.

In my work to recover, I did a lot of volunteer work, then I studied to earn a Diploma in Professional Writing and Editing. I earned that with a perfect academic record.

I did so well, my college has offered me work teaching.

To teach, I had to put myself through another course. I was on social security, so it was hard to afford, but I did it anyway.

The work at the college was delayed for a year, but I now have a contract to start in February, and I am putting together my paperwork for that.

This past year, I have found work teaching at two community organisations. I teach literacy and numeracy to a class of people with intellectual disabilities, and I teach both computing and business skills to people with mental health disabilities.

I love this work.

At risk of being accused of using a tired and worn cliche, I can say it is my calling.

I get to help other people to create better futures for themselves. I've already received a number of commendations and accolades for my work. A lot of my computing and business students are giving my employer feedback that I inspire them to not give up and to respect their own selves.

But I am having some troubles.

Sorry for the length of this, but I need to get it all out.

I have just been diagnosed with a serious type of arthritis, and my blood pressure is huge. I've been trying to manage these. My doctor is worried that my meltdowns have injured my hands (I tend to strike my head with them) and made the arthritis worse.

So I need to do a lot of exercise. I'm not sure what I can do about my meltdowns.

I have a lot of work to do to prepare for the 12 classes I'll be teaching next year. I have (I estimate) around 300 handouts to prepare, and a huge pile of other paperwork as well.

I also have two friends and a sister who are needing a lot of my time and energy.

One friend I have known for many years is going through some legal problems, and I have been helping her. Her brother has initiated legal action against her (just in time for Christmas) because she asked him to leave her home for being violent and refusing to pay rent or bills. She has also been being bullied at work and is on compensation leave as a result. I have helped her with nthat as I used to be a worker's compensation officer in the Public Service (where she works).

Yesterday, I dropped my work less than five minutes into starting it so I could go acroos to the other side of town and help out his friend. I wen with her to court to apply for an order protecting her from her brother's violence. The court can't hear her application until 3 January.

I am having to abandon all of my plans for these issues. I have already postponed establishing my edublog at least until 2013 or 2014.

But I am also having to postpone sleep, food, exercise and my health for this.

I had a meltdown a few minutes ago, because I have to get some papers together to apply for a Working With Children Check - a legal requirement if I am to start work at the college next year. I have to have proof I have applied for this before Christmas, but have had no time so far to do so. Then, less than half an hour into getting my paperwork together, my friend calls bvecause her brother's lawyer has sent an affidavit to her and some other papers.

If I don't get these papers in this week, my college teaching job goes down the toilet!

Then another friend has massive legal action against a large company - and I can't discuss it - but she is pestering me to help her.

And I've been helping my sister deal with the fact that her husband left her and left her to pay a lease deal on his laptop.

I've been trying to get my friends and sister to understand what the doctor meant when he described my high blood pressure as "A massive stroke waiting to happen." 185/135 is not a good reading. It seems to fall on deaf ears. Perhaps if I do have a massive stroke, that may get it through?

It looks like I've already lost any ability to have so much as a half day break this side of 2013, as I am now so seriously behind on my work because of all the work I have done for so many other people.

I estimate that if I can be left utterly alone, and if I can forget about Christmas and New Year, 18-to-20-hour days seven days a week may allow me to get on top of things by February or March.

I need more than three hours worth of sleep. I can't get through to my friends on this. There seems to be some perception I am some form of superhero.

I don't know how to meet these expectations of other people without dying in the process. Other than my life, this is also jeopardising my work and everything else I have striven to achieve in these past 26 years.

I also do not wish to lose the friendship with my friend who is being sued by her brother. I have advised her to get a lawyer and she cannot afford one and she is under more stress than she can handle, she is not thinking clearly herself, but I don't know how to limit my work with her without destroying our friendship. I am also worried about her depression.

Because of my past experiences, I am worried about other people suiciding. I am worried about her suiciding. I found the bodies of two of the kids who suicided back in 1986 and I can't completely separate myself from the image of them. I am afraid of that happening again.

I hurt so much, but teaching makes me feel so much better.

I feel guilty that I am not able to work 24,000,000 hours per day, 77,000,000 days per week.

How do I limit the work I am doing without giving my friend the feeling I am abandoning her?

How do I do so without adding to her depression and anxiety from her workplace bullying?

She is not herself, but now, neither am I.

Any ideas would be greatly appreciated.

First realize that no one is perfect and you cannot always detect when someone is going to kill themselves or prevent them from doing so.

If you really aren't in the position to help someone with their own responsibilities because you yourself have equally or more important responsibilities, you should tell the person that you can't help them at the moment (provided you determine them not to be in a suicidal crisis) because if your own deadlines and responsibilities, but suggest another time you might be able to help them.

Thank you. Actually, that makes an awful lot of sense.

I realise my issue here - I still feel irrationally guilty if I am not all things to all people.

With my students that does notseem to be a problem, but with my friends and family, that is.

Thank you!

The first thing you need to realize (and then tell them) is: You can't help them if you can't help yourself first.

Most importantly you need to see that people somehow find a way to help them selves. I wish I could remember who said this "I would like to thank all the people who said "no" to me when I needed help. Because it taught me how to do things for myself."

Thank you so much, Cinbad.

I actually know this and offer this counsel to others, but not apparently to my own self.

I spoke to my friend this morning and she is handling things on her own. We have agreed on some things I can do, but only after I have caught up with my own work.

She feels bad about how this has affected me. She is also grateful that I am her friend, as I am grateful for her friendship.

I think I expect too much of myself.

So once again, thank you!