Feeling unloved

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I'm the oldest of 3 children. My oldest sister is a nurse who moved away from home a few years ago. My brother is a drug addict who has been filling my life with hatred, theft, and much stress. He just returned from rehab and is clean so far, but his attitude has not changed at all.. he's still a liar and a thief. My mom loves him so dearly... She sent him to Maui twice, once to get clean, once on a pre-honeymoon with a girl he is no longer with, nor did he get married to her. This doesn't bother me, but I just feel I should state shes spent much of her money on him, year after year. I tell her not to throw her money away, and tell her to save it but it never registers. I pay bills, I help with things sometimes, Money is NOT what I am worried about, I just want her to stop throwing it away, shes not young anymore so she needs to save it. I'm worried she might have gone insane at some point too. I may not be the most helpful daughter *i usually don't say no, I just don't go do things on my own" I say please, I say thank you, I don't call my mom names like he does or take things without asking. Today all hell broke loose. My brother is never allowed over here again, finally, after years of putting up with him. I would be relieved... but my mom is taking it so hard. She even told me she wants to kill herself.

She takes so much more from him than from me. She threatens to kick me out because I don't notice things needing done around the yard and house. {I'M NEARLY BLIND FOR GODS SAKE! How can I notice small things like dirt on the floor?!} She also threatened to kick me out because I went into a deep depression and my house got pretty far behind. *and I find it hard to catch up once I'm behind* I mean... I can understand she's upset, but threatening to kick me out? When you wouldn't even kick your son out after he stole money, tried to kill you, and stole your car? WHAT THE f**k?! ! I just don't feel loved at all... Tonight when she said she wants to die, It made me feel worthless. My father disowned me as well because I have a mind of my own, and the fact that I'm a homoromantic Asexual doesn't help things. yea dad, maybe it's an abomination in the bible, but It's beautiful in my eyes. *he feels the same way about all other sexual and gender identities. The f*****g as*hole.*

Sorry for all the swearing. I am just not sure what to do. I'm in college, it's midterms time and all this stress is making me fall behind. I haven't got the money to live on my own due to the fact that I'm on disability *not by choice* It''s pretty hard to get a job when you can't see s**t. That's why I'm in college, because I want a job that I love. Took me a long time to finally go with my passion for art. My dad tried to hinder me from that path for 11 years. My question is... What should I do? I have tried looking for roommates, there is not a huge demand for them here in Oklahoma. I even tried finding a safe-haven here but no luck. I really REALLY need help with my life. I'd love to move out, but it seems impossible. I can't drive because my sight is too bad, thus the reason why I live above my mother. So that's another hurdle.

Maybe this doesn't belong on this forum. I doubt many aspies have these issues. I guess I just wanted advice from people who actually understand me somewhat.

I'm not sure what to suggest about your situation. It sounds very difficult. The only advice I can think of, is try to avoid arguing logic with upset NTs. They are operating on emotion, and will just get more negative with and about you when you try to use reason. If you can't get out, try to make where you are emotionally safer.

You mentioned you have a sister, would she help?

Nope. She's a stuck up snob. She's too worried about her own life to care about mine.

The only thing I can recommend is keep chugging along and study once you regroup mentally. This whole issue will pass, and people say stupid crap when they're freaking out a lot. I imagine they will come around eventually and say sorry. Or you can tell her how that made you feel, and at least get that off your chest once they've calmed down a wee bit. Everyone in my family is a bit notorious for being hot headed and randomly flying off the handle saying crap they really shouldn't (ever). But most of the time they realize they were being dumb later on.

How about a hug? *hugs* Everyone needs a hug every once in a while esspecially during those times of feeling lonely or down. I know its just a pixilated hug I can give you but its better than nothing! But to make up for the pixilated hug heres a free hugs in Shibuya video! [youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nNooFXV-OYc[/youtube]You need hugs....lots and lots of hugs!

perhaps,the brother acts/looks a lot more dysfunctional and vulnerable; being nearly blind woudnt show vulnerability to the outsider as much as someone with his behaviors woud,her mothering instincts coud be kicking in everytime he falls off the wagon.

drug addiction is sht,he is blindly hypnotised by his own brains hunger for chemicals so whilst he might be a liar and whatever else bad trait this is the reality of what drug addiction does to people;its a horrible situation for both the addict and those around them to be in.
people going to rehab is no good if they arent taught over and over coping skills to use in place of drugs when they feel unable to cope, its easier to reach for their drug of choice,eg a syringe of heroin and blur their reality than it is to face things and learn how to cope with them.

he coud honestly do with a long term day programme rather than going to rehab everytime he hits rock bottom,sister used to be a councilor for drug addiction and her work place ran a five day a week;six month long course for drug addicts,they got therapy in this;group and one to one,taught long lasting coping skills, lots of day trips,group voluntary work and chances to build their education and hobbies and pride,they had a very good success rate but this is in the UK so cant otherwise recommend them.

it might be worth getting involved in nar-anon,and perhaps bringing mother along as well or at least showing her about it online;
http://www.nar-anon.org/naranon/About_N ... and_Vision

Glad things are looking up.