I Hate Myself

Post Reply New Topic

No friends, no job, no self-worth. Can't go in public anymore without everyone casting me a dirty glance. Job hunting and networking is lugubrious and slow. It seems like my only two pleasures left are eating greasy foods and masturbating. I hate this hole I'm in, and can't see how to get out.

I think you're probably projecting your depressed feelings about yourself onto other people. They're probably not casting you dirty glances. What would make them do that.

You sound like you are going through a rough time with depression and stress. What kind of job are you interested in getting? There's a way out of the hole just might take some time.

Hey, you hang in there. I've been there too, and I know it's no fun.

Getting a job right now is tough for everybody. As an employer myself, one of the hardest parts of my job is having to tell people eager to work that I don't have anything for them. This is just a bad time to be looking for work for everybody.

Rather than wish you good luck, I'll wish you persistence. With persistence you won't need luck.

I've been there, believe me! One of the things that helped me was to start eating better. Believe it or not, eating unhealthy can actually bring on depression, as there are a lot of improper digestion issues. I went through a bad patch awhile back, where I was doing nothing but eating crap and vegging out in front of the television. So to break the cycle I started taking long walks and eating as nutritiously as possible. Hating oneself is a vicious cycle. A form of self regard is to eat properly; the rest will follow.

P.S. It's not yourself you hate, but your circumstances. It isn't your fault that employment is hard to come by!

I'd give you the "Quote Of The Day" award trophy, but I lost it along with all of the other stuff I frequently lose. Sorry.

You & I are sinking in the same ship. I feel your pain.

I agree with the whole "it's the circumstances you hate". How do disassociate yourself as a causal mechanism from the circumstances you supposedly create is difficult.

Why, thanks!

It takes practice, believe me! I suffered like the OP for many years until I learned to think the way I do now. For instance, I have been having some alarming health symptoms. I would have gotten angry or resentful at myself before. But I realize that it is the health problems I am upset about; not myself as a person. After all I didn't bring these things on deliberately. But for many people it is very difficult to make this distinction.

Another example is not hating my next door neighbors because they can be noisy. They might be really nice people when they aren't home! I just really loath the way their noise affects me. So I hate the noise they make.

I'm not a fan of the phrase "good luck." I like to be in control of things in my life . Thanks for wishing me persistence.

The post actually means a lot to me. I worked at a job through college analyzing federal legislation for a commodity trade association (I just graduated in May). They can't afford to take me back, but they are helping me in both strong recommendations and virtually unlimited guidance.
I think what's most frustrating for me is that I worked so hard to make myself marketable. I can't find work in what I want to do, so am holding myself out as an office administrator. The problem there, I think, is that they know I will leave once things get better. I can only hide so much experience and education on my resume.
I am considering grad school, but that won't be until 2013 at the earliest. Until then, I'll just keep looking for something. The good news is that I moved back home, where the employment situation is better than the national average, and I'm near my family. It's not where I thought I'd be now, but it's where I need to be to ride out this storm we are in.

Don't blame yourself, you are most likely being self conscious and recognize your imperfections more than others. There are plenty of qualified people that are unemployed in this economic climate, don't beat yourself up about it.

Find something to do with your time, perhaps you could offer to help out at local charity shops or organizations that might motivate you to meet other people or find potential friendships and jobs.

Thanks for the advice, everyone!

I hate myself too. I'm unattractive, not at all wise about beauty, have people judging me all the time, give off vibes what make strangers judge me, never sure if I'm saying or doing the right thing, get glares and funny looks from people all the time, can't seem to find a job, every job out there has some sort of snag which doesn't coincide with my special needs, speak in a nervous monotone what hurts my throat, find it hard to change my appearence due to severe lack of confidence and poor motivation and unenthusiasm, don't know what I want to do with my life, always a nuisence to others, always speaking at the wrong time, piss everyone off, always something ''off'' about me, look either too clingy or too unfriendly, scared to look at anyone in the street and so keep my head down, can't stand certain noises, can't relax, have an absolute hatred of the sight and sound of toddlers, get agitated of people invading my space, can't keep focused on anything, my mind is never 100 percent focused on anything when out in public, don't like conformist things like make-up and shopping, can't seem to learn to do anything for myself, scared stiff of people, feel young girls laugh at me, worry about everything, make myself so obvious, got to tread on eggshells around people, people got to tread on eggshells around me, can't handle anything, can't find anything good about myself because of looking so quaint, can't be myself because people judge me too much.....

.....and yet according to the doctor I am too high-functioning and ''normal'' to need any help, even after explaining all that to him. Unbelievable.