cant cope

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hi everyone <3

hope your all well.

does anyone else find this time of year diffacult?
xmas is ment to be happy time ,but it turns me into a depressed paronioed wreck.
my mum has already started the many family gatherings she has each year and i hate it,

i cant stand the noise , i cant stand the mindless chatter and stupid qestions from people i only see once a year, i cant stand the nagging feeling that everyone hates me ,and thinks that im boring and stupid.

i cant stand the idea of facing another new years eve ,another year of thinking "this year will be happy and i will finally be the peson i was always ment to be" cos it never works out like that! i always end up making a mess of everything and my parents always have to pick up the peices, i mean christ, ive spent the past year in hospital i cant even remember the year before that cos i was mostly under the infulnce of one thing or another.

And despite trying to be poistive, i know this year is going to be no different!!

in short cant bloody cope with life , with bieng me , with xmas ...with anything ! im such a waste of bloody space

i just want to hide away in my flat, drinking vodka and letting out the tears ive been keeping in for the last week.

FML

sorry for the rant

love you all <3

"So this is Christmas, and what have you done?" - John Lennon

It's a time to reflect on yourself. Every year, people change. I would just be grateful to be around the presence of people who support and care about me. And are fond of me enough to invite me to a huge dinner, possibly filled with presents and other delights.

Life is wonderful! Christmas is wonderful! I'm adding in a personal confession about each family member with a small gift this year - as I am also stretched for dollars.

This season is rather akward for me especially this time around because of how empty I've been feeling.........its not very fun to be around the family and try and act pleasent and joyful when all I feel inside is nothing. I mean its depressing really.

I get depressed and sad when I see people shopping for a significant other in their life and I have nothing like that nor do I have anyone that I can do the same for-it a lonely life.

thanks to all those who took the time to read and reply to this, means alot to me.

hope everyone is well and *hugs* to everyone xxxx

Christmas is a hard holiday to deal with. Personally, it's my least favorite time of the year, because everyone wants to snuggle up to you...and I want to be left alone.

Also, this year I lost a family member around Christmas, so it doesn't feel right to me, either. I just am severely depressed.

The best thing you can do, though, is just try to get through it, and New Years. The best parts of Christmas anyway are Jesus's birth, and presents, so that's what your focus should be on.