I'm too ugly to go to school

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DuneyBlues
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08 Dec 2011, 11:30 am

I feel like societies values are placing too much on me that I feel like a deformed , mutilated human being.
I can't bear to even look at myself , when I look in the mirror there are times when one angle of my face feels good but the other is just disgusting. Teenagers are too judgmental , they give looks on thier faces that tell me I am ugly and you can just feel what thier thinking.

It hurts because it makes feel like this freak of nature when it is the last thing I want to be. There a lot of things I want to do in life but I don't know if I will ever get the courage to face others when I will probably be rejected by the world because of my physical appearance. It also doesn't help that a lot of the students at my school are superficial. I took a year off because I couldn't handle the anxiety I had on school.

The negatives of looking at myself:
My lips are uneven , they aren't in a straight line.
My nose is long with a flat end near my mouth.
I have acne scars all over.
My face isn't symmetrical.

I do not have a good sign of physical attractiveness that was inherited because of this I have no good long term mental performance and I am unlikely to experience less genetic disturbances. My genetic quality should be exterminated from a eugenicist point of view. I do not have any good indicators of health and intelligence because of my physical attractiveness.
Sources: Wikipedia


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The_Perfect_Storm
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08 Dec 2011, 11:45 am

Ha, yeah, I know that feeling.

People are dicks.

Best advice is to present yourself as best as you can. Look after your heigene, exercise somewhat regularly and buy some decent clothes. Even if it won't fix everything.

May be possible to see a doctor for the acne.

I have no concrete answers for you. I've still got my own s**t to sort. Anxiety is one of the most difficult things I've ever had to try and deal with. It's too pervasive.



Miharu
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08 Dec 2011, 12:38 pm

Reading this reminds me alot of myself. At thirteen i tought the same way, and i stopped going to school for the same reason. I couldn't take the pressure and the anxiety. I was really worried and preocopied over my looks. I couldn't stand the feeling of others looking at me and thinking i was ugly. I always kept quiet over my feelings, i was scared people would see me as vain. I'd try anything to change my looks. It got so, severe, i couldn't even leave my house, incapable to do anything anymore. I litterly didn't leave my house for a year. At seventeen i first heard of Body Dysmorphic Disorder by coincidence. I finally knew what was wrong with me and felt relieved. That all that anxiety and feelings was a disorder, had a name, i could put them in words. Now i'm fighting against it. I really wish i found out about it sooner and not wasted so manny years. I'm taking prozac wich really helped me alot and i'm now trying to find therapy.

I know this sounds really extreme, i'm not claiming you have it ofcourse. Everyone has things they don't like about themselves. That's normal. There are so manny people who sees ugly things about themselves, that doesn't mean they all have Bdd. But if it gets that bad you are always preocopied over your looks, anxiety, keeping checking in reflections, mirrors, feel so disformed and ugly it withholds you from doing things in your life, you might want to read about Bdd. If you recognize yourself in this disorder, then you know, if not, at least i made one more person aware of it.

http://bddclinic.info/joomla/index.php? ... &Itemid=27
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Body_dysmorphic_disorder



Last edited by Miharu on 08 Dec 2011, 1:15 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Kivalina
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08 Dec 2011, 1:01 pm

Above all, know this:

You exist/were created on this earth, and there is no one else just like you. Ever. That gives you value. Yes, you are valuable!

And, you don't have to believe this one, and I don't mean to offend, but I believe it: You were created on purpose, and for a purpose.

I was called "ugly" every day, several times a day, by the fattest kid in the school. For years. And everyone else agreed. But you know what, I went to school anyway. I focused on my education, went to college. No one asked me out. But I knew I was valuable. I got my degree, got a job, and yes, I got married. Turns out, I am beautiful. On the inside. And I finally found one person who could see it.

You are beautiful. No matter how you look. Others may not think so, but who cares? You have a right to an education. Get the best one you can. Go be successful. And along the way, you may find someone who sees how beautiful you are. In the meantime, know you are valuable, and you are beautiful. Tell yourself every morning in the mirror. Believe it.

If you still don't believe it, watch a few episodes of Mr. Rogers. No really. Listen how he tells all of his television neighbors how he likes them. It doesn't matter how you do things, or how you look.

It's not easy, I know it's not. But you can do it. Don't let others decide your education and your future for you. Go and claim what's yours.



Wolfheart
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08 Dec 2011, 2:19 pm

Kivalina wrote:
You are beautiful. No matter how you look. Others may not think so, but who cares? You have a right to an education. Get the best one you can. Go be successful.


Great post.

Blues, you have as just as much right as anyone else to succeed and follow your dreams, don't let your imperfections or failure define who you are. If everyone was the same or perfect, the world would be boring, there's no such thing as perfect or beautiful, only what people define it to be. Realize that you have the potential to change and take control of your life, you can either be a victim of your circumstances and shortcomings or you can live life by your own standards and fight back with the cards you've been dealt. Do you really want someone to love you for what is on the outside or do you want to find someone that values your personality? Trust me, people who only care about what's on the outside and use your insecurities against you really aren't worth the time of day.



The_Perfect_Storm
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08 Dec 2011, 7:35 pm

Kivalina wrote:

You are beautiful. No matter how you look.


Yeah but what if you're not?


I see advice like this all the time... it's shallow and superficial and it doesn't help.

"Who cares if no one thinks you're beautiful or a worthwhile human being, you secretly are! you just have to believe it!"

Clearly things worked out for you but that doesn't happen for everybody. It's not fair to try and convince someone that everything will work out if you just hang in there and believe it.

How can a problem like this simply be ignored when you can see it in everyone's faces every day when they notice you? It's not as easy as that.



Kivalina
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19 Dec 2011, 6:53 pm

Perfect,

Yes, on one level it is shallow and superficial to offer this advice. What if I had warts and acne all over my face, and looked myself in the mirror and said "I am beautiful"? Outwardly, according to everyone else's definition, I would simply be lying to myself, rendering the advice pointless.

But what if I were to look in the mirror, and see who I really was? You don't even need a mirror to do that. If I look at the characteristics of myself, and find anything positive there, that's a start. "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder". Yes, another trite expression. It might be better said, "Beauty is in the held perspective of the beholder". If you look for "beauty", or value, in yourself, you will find it. People are dicks, as you say, so don't listen to them. Choose to take the other perspective.

As far as pervasive anxiety, I haven't got that one figured out either. I can "wall it off" where it doesn't come out in certain areas of my life, mostly. But that's it.

All that aside, the point of my post was, as a human being living in a country which provides public education, you have a right to that education. Take advantage of that opportunity. If it requires that you totally ignore other people in order to get your education, so be it. If it requires that you need a bodyguard for your physical safety from those who deem you unworthy, so be it. You have a right to be educated.

Sorry about the book of a post.


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The_Perfect_Storm
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20 Dec 2011, 1:10 pm

Kivalina wrote:
Perfect,

Yes, on one level it is shallow and superficial to offer this advice. What if I had warts and acne all over my face, and looked myself in the mirror and said "I am beautiful"? Outwardly, according to everyone else's definition, I would simply be lying to myself, rendering the advice pointless.

But what if I were to look in the mirror, and see who I really was? You don't even need a mirror to do that. If I look at the characteristics of myself, and find anything positive there, that's a start. "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder". Yes, another trite expression. It might be better said, "Beauty is in the held perspective of the beholder". If you look for "beauty", or value, in yourself, you will find it. People are dicks, as you say, so don't listen to them. Choose to take the other perspective.

As far as pervasive anxiety, I haven't got that one figured out either. I can "wall it off" where it doesn't come out in certain areas of my life, mostly. But that's it.

All that aside, the point of my post was, as a human being living in a country which provides public education, you have a right to that education. Take advantage of that opportunity. If it requires that you totally ignore other people in order to get your education, so be it. If it requires that you need a bodyguard for your physical safety from those who deem you unworthy, so be it. You have a right to be educated.

Sorry about the book of a post.


Doesn't work if you think you're 'ugly' on the inside. I feel like you have to listen to what the majority has to say about the quality of a person. They set the standards. If you can come up with your own, fine. But what's the point if no one else agrees?



The_Face_of_Boo
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20 Dec 2011, 1:40 pm

^^ all the above are nice words and ideal but none would fix the problem (except the hygiene and the clothes advice, - that was the most practical one).

You're the one who's gonna live up with this subtle , yet obvious, ignoring and disrespect.


Consult a beauty center, see what the professionals can do about your face/skin, they'll help you better than WP.



MysteryLife
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20 Dec 2011, 10:29 pm

Im sorry you feel like that :/ I also had feelings of being too ugly for society. I was born with a cleft lip/pallet and even though its been repaired, you can still easily tell with all the scars and deformity on my upper lip. But I graduated highschool with honors, and now im in the air force.

All im trying to say is don't feel so bad. There's people out there that has plenty worse than you.



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21 Dec 2011, 9:50 am

I am an older person who's lived with a lot of anxiety for a very long time. I wish I could tell you some secret to conquer it. I dropped out of schools a bunch of times to get myself away and heal up. I can tell you honestly that taking an action - you choose what - to help what you can is good.

I agree with the recommendation to get some exercise - this has helped a lot, my skin heal from acne, my brain feel less anxiety, my inner self to be aware of itself's ability to be very strong in dealing with stuff - monsters I call them - that could be lethal to me.
So that is a bit of advice from someone old-er who's been there and hopes it helps you. Working and focusing hard on something you love is important too.



Candles15
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25 Dec 2011, 2:08 pm

Yeah, people can give you a hard time because of the way you look but If you were to look at them, they aren't happy by the way they look either. They make fun of you because it makes them feel better.

Looks really aren't everything because we're all going to lose our looks one day. I think you should even be thankful to the people who keep away because of the way you look as this prevents your time being wasted.

My lips aren't even, I have spots along with other imperfections. Everyone does. Some choose to cover it up with make up and some don't.
You aren't a freak.
I bet you have something gorgeous that others haven't like beautiful eyes or something but you're concentrating too much on your imperfections to notice it.

If it affects your confidence, wear things like make up. And although I'm not too fond of the idea, there're things like cosmetic surgery you can have If you are really unhappy.



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27 Dec 2011, 3:51 am

OP... You're letting them win. You have to be stronger than that. Those people are worthless. They're the ones that end up mopping floors or rotting in a jail cell. Just ignore them. They don't know what they're talking about.

Now, I don't know what you look like, but I know you're not stupid. Stupid people do not write like you do. Stupid people probably can't even read half of it. You're smart enough have these idiots sweeping your floors if you play your cards right, and don't let them bring you down.



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30 Dec 2011, 2:20 pm

I say f**k physical perfection. No one deserves to get that unfortunate image of Ms. Mary Sue shoved in their heads.


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