How do you avoid holiday obligations?

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I am really sick of "celebrating" holidays, having family gatherings and exchanging gifts. How do I get out of this for once and for all?

It is not so simple as saying, just don't participate, because I've tried that. For one thing I have been telling my mother for at least the last 5 years, I don't want to do thanksgiving anymore, and I don't want to do christmas anymore. She doesn't listen, she doesn't hear me, and she doesn't respect my choices.

If I stay home during a holiday gathering, my mother calls me and puts me on a huge guilt trip until I come over and put in an appearance.

One year on thanksgiving I drove out of state to see a friend. I didn't tell my mother where I was going, but I told her I would not be coming to dinner so she would not expect me. She called my cell phone over and over leaving me messages wanting to know where I was. So that made it clear, I would not be allowed to miss it again without being harrassed all day.

Anyone have a similar problem with family gatherings? you tell them you're not going to participate but somehow they coerce you into it anyway?

For those of you who have found a way to get out of this nonsense, how did you do it? What finally gets the message across, loud and clear, that you are not going to participate anymore?

turn off your phone.
so, on dec. 23-24 turn it off, until its over. don't accept the guilt your mother puts on you. dominate it. ignore it. you have your own life, interests, problems and things to deal with. you are your first priority, not your mother's guilt trips for dragging you to inane chit chat.
so for the new years. what will you do? on december 31, when you wake up, shut it off. when its the 2nd turn it on, and delete everything (or check it, it's up to you. but that would make you feel more guilty. there isn't any other information available to absorb except texts and voicemails of "COME HERE WITH US").

you can always change your number.
instead of telling her again that you don't want to come, just do it this time. and every time. enough is enough. i think you know that.

Yes, as another poster said, turn off your phone when there is a family get-together that you don't want to attend. Your mother is still treating you like a child, and so far, you are responding the same way. Now that you are an adult, you need to establish your own, personal psychological boundries. Your mother may never fully accept that, but you do need to do it. Before you start on your new program of communication black-out, do tell your mother that from now on, when you don't want to attend a family function, you won't be going, and will be turning off your phone until it is over, so she should not bother calling you then.

I guarantee that your mother will be ticked off, but she is being very rude. You have right to establish your boundries, but she will continue her manipulative behavior. Such people rarely stop doing that. My mother never stopped.

Grow a spine, and politely stand up for yourself. And remember, we on the spectrum are all:

A Different Drummer

If a man does not keep pace with his companions,
Perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer.
Let him step to the music which he hears,
However measured or far away.

--Henry David Thoreau

Another alternative is to take trips for the respective holidays to somewhere new and exciting, but reasonably close to where you are. The problem with turning the phone off is that if you 'stay off the radar' too long, they might file a missing persons report on you.

I join you in celebration, for having been able to endure another year of 'family get-togethers'.

Have A Great Day!

Rob

Thats what I was wondering. Apparently for me, when I live at home, holiday obligations are inevitable. And if I try to tell my mom I dont want to go, she gets very frustrated.

I live next door to my parents, on their property so might as well say I'm living at home too.

I told her again tonight, I don't want to do christmas anymore and this time she finally said okay.

How do I avoid holiday obligations? I don't.

Most of them involve free food and hugs from busty female strangers.

Simple. Don't give a f*ck.

Stop doing what others expect and want you to do, do what makes you happy. It's your life, not theirs, and its short.
You're not living to please others, you're not a puppet. Do you really want to waste your life doing that?

I just explained to my family that because of big changes at work I have been pushing myself for a long time and that I needed to recharge my batteries and that I couldn't go to their house for that reason. I told my sister that I can't deal with it.