Is there a middle ground?

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I deal with more mental issues than most with my intelligence level (Aspergers, OCD, ADD, Bi-Polar, PTSD...all diagnosed) and on top of it, even aside from all of those problems, I'm a misanthropic/anti-establishment kind of guy that's just sick of mainstream society...but I realized since even at my worst, I'm not going to end it all (It's been tested and even at my worse couldn't pull the trigger figuratively speaking) that I have to make the best of life.

My question is, with my set of mental problems, especially the mania/mood swings (I don't experience real highs, but I can go from "ok" to rock bottom out of nowhere) is it possible to live a relatively mentally healthy life where I'm not thrilled, keep the cynical personality, but make the decision "I'm on this planet and I'm going to make the best of it?"

While I don't deserve the mental yo-yo so to speak, more importantly, my family doesn't. The things I've said to them especially as of recent I'm surprised they're still by my side.

I understand that I'm not a big fan of life (not just my life, life in general) but since I'm going to be here, might as well make the most of it. There are simple things (reading/watching reruns) that make me happy, but in my current mood, I don't have any interest in even those.

The good news is, I'm weening off the Prozac I'm on (that appeared to be wearing out its welcome) and switching to Luvox which is also an SSRI but Aspies on here have told me it's a better fit for people with these type of problems) so who knows, maybe I'll feel better soon, but I just can't live like this any longer.

I wish I could say I had goals I'd like to achieve (other than traveling the country and eventually finding a suitable girlfriend inside and out) but I really don't. Whenever my family moves, I plan to get a part time job of some kind that doesn't interfere with my disability money/benefits, but I don't have any "big dreams" or hobbies or anything that make me feel really good.

But more importantly, is this type of middle ground possible where I'm negative but functioning mentally and physically?

"My question is, with my set of mental problems, especially the mania/mood swings (I don't experience real highs, but I can go from "ok" to rock bottom out of nowhere) is it possible to live a relatively mentally healthy life where I'm not thrilled, keep the cynical personality, but make the decision "I'm on this planet and I'm going to make the best of it?"

"While I don't deserve the mental yo-yo so to speak, more importantly, my family doesn't. The things I've said to them especially as of recent I'm surprised they're still by my side."

Niles, let me deal with your last paragraph first. I'm 49, was born with an extremely high IQ, and since I didn't do well in school, my parents became extremely angry and bitter towards me (I've been fully self-supportive since I was sixteen). And since I am very aspie, I never had many friends, or got much help from anybody. I had to figure things out for myself, since there was no such diagnosis as AS. I thought I was simply a deficient freak of nature. I became preoccupied with trying to understand the world--a preoccupation which has only served me well.

Ironically I think, this situation worked to my great benefit, as I didn't internalize many of the more poisonous aspects of modern society that tend to be rampant especially in the mental health profession.

I actually just got through with a rather unpleasant exchange with a fellow who has internalized a lot of these poisonous ideas. I would recommend to you the same thing I tried to recommend to him, which is to see things for what they are; in other words, just be yourself and learn to live in the world we have rather than the world the normals are hardwired to pretend exists.

Normals function smoothly in society because their social skills are largely unconscious; it's not something they have to think about any more than most of us have to think about putting one foot in front of the other when we walk. On the other hand, normal people are largely constitutionally incapable of thinking the unthinkable--which is where the best ideas come from.

We aspies, on the other hand, have the ability to see things for what they are--minus all the social and political filters that determine what normal people think. Normal people can only handle truth in small doses. In other words, we have the ability to see things for what they really are rather than believe a bunch of socially acceptable lies. It's a matter of playing the game of life with our own rules (so long as they don't violate society's laws anyway).

A joke should suffice to illustrate my point, the first--and only--aspie joke I've heard: The boss was congratulating his aspie employee for a job well done, and for thinking outside the box. The aspie looks at him in all seriousness, and says, "What box are you talking about?"

Finally, I will say that things didn't start to fall together for me until I was in my late thirties--about ten years ago. Now there is little I would change about my life. As I just love being able to see things most people can't, I love being me.

Hang in there, and play your own game that mandates you accept things just for what they are--use your aspieness to your advantage. If you set your own rules, you might be the only one playing the game, but you'll also be the winner. I call the game aspie solitaire.

The problem isn't even the Aspergers - I embrace being different. The problem is the mania and OCD which are in high doses especially for an aspie. I was actually originally diagnosed Bi-Polar years earlier. So I'm dealing with constant mood swings and obsessions and compulsions (that make me feel uncomfortable) on top of the Aspergers.

If people are going to make fun of someone for being a little socially "off" that's their problem and speaks about them as a person that they'd make fun of someone over something so superficial.

The misanthropy isn't even necessarily a problem in moderation. In fact it's quite healthy. It's that I seem to be completely joyless and take life way too seriously.

Look, Dunnyveg, I hate medication as much as anyone on this board, but I have to admit that it's helped me, and it sounds like what niles needs. Lithium can be used to treat bipolar, and Luvox for OCD. I have OCD and when I wasn't medicated life was hell. I have it in tandem with schizoaffective-type psychosis. Most aspies HATE Risperdal but it's worked wonders for me.

What niles needs is a good psychiatrist, not a pill pusher but somebody competent, who will use meds to treat the symptoms of bipolar and OCD so that niles can get some relief from the symptoms. Meds usually don't change who you are, if a med makes you a zombie or something, GET OFF IT! One of the few times I'd recommend meds to somebody is when they have specific symptoms that can be helped by specific meds.

It's not a matter of being weak or strong, nor of "embracing yourself" or whatever. People with stuff like BPD and OCD have specific chemical deficiencies in their brains. It seems to me that niles's "I want to die" posts are the illness talking, and he needs to treat it. He's a really great guy, but he needs medical intervention, not psychobabble.

Thanks for the post Pezar. I'd probably not be happy anyway (I do feel like I'm not meant to be here) but when medication has properly worked in the past, I wasn't suicidal. I was just functionally miserable if that makes sense. I've been on here for 2 years (under a couple other names before this one) and I wasn't making those type posts. This only started happening the past few months when the Prozac/Trilafon combination lost its edge.

Now I'm on Luvox 50 mg (the lowest possible dosage) along with the trilafon and klonapin...it's only been a couple days so I don't notice any changes positive or negative other than like with the Prozac, I'm still overly sedated and sleeping a lot of hours and having weird dreams.