reeling from nervous breakdown

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it's been months. everything that could have went wrong did and i just lost all my will to find any reason to do anything ever since.

every reason to do anything seems to contradict itself. i find no reason to do anything. it gets worse day after day.

i've had success, i've had friends, i've had a dysfunctional but decent family. I don't want anyone or anything anymore. i just want to be left alone.

and i got it. now i'm here alone typing this out to strangers.

i had a nervous breakdown a while ago and i've been sinking deeper and deeper ever since. nothing makes me happy anymore. i just go to my room and shut myself in. i don't look at people. i have trouble relating to others because i don't trust people. i always feel bad. i don't know what to do.

i'm not suicidal. i just don't understand anything or anyone anymore. anyone who's been through something like this...i would really appreciate your advice. i'm beyond desperate.

how do you look forward to anything when everything's so backwards? How do you live with yourself in this kind of world, among all these reptiles?

how can you tell you've had a breakdown?

I'm sorry to hear things aren't going better for you. I have three suggestions:

First, you learn to become your own best friend. I enjoy my own company, though I couldn't be alone 24/7.

Second, get yourself a dog, preferably an intelligent breed such as a labrador retriever or border collie. I can't say enough about dogs as companions.

Third, keep busy doing something. I don't think too much idle time is good for us mentally or physically.

Find NEW reason.

Spend your time alone well - Make plans, soul search, research and learn.
Truly relax.
Do your absolute most favourite things.
And accept that this world is the way it is and it's about finding the best of it. The best won't always be on your doorstep, it needs time and space to be found and to grow.

Every breakdown requires a re-building.
Every rebuild is an improvement from the previous model
It will take work but you can do it, and give yourself lots of time and patience.
It's all about the FUTURE now
The future will become the present, and you will be living with your new reasons realised and happy again

Hang in there
You're worth it

I think you are probably suffering from clinical depression and PTSD as a result of the breakdown. I suggest you get some counseling and perhaps speak with a psychiatrist about going on anti-depressants temporarily as they might be appropriate and effective in this case.

i've dealt with depression all of my life, and the ptsd is correct. i had a rough childhood. the breakdown occurred when suddenly every important relationship i had fell apart one after the other like falling dominoes.

i've been on anti-depression medication for the last two months. i know it isn't helping my depression because it's still there in full force. all that's happened is that my anxiety levels have almost dropped to zero. which is a great thing because i can actually think more clearly now. i've seen a psychiatrist and have been considered for group therapy...but this was last month and i've yet to hear back from them.

i really am frustrated with myself and need to let it out somehow and somewhere. today was a sunny day outside and inside of me couldnt be any darker. it's like i'm stuck in mud. i dont want to reach out to anyone supposedly. but why am i writing on these forums then...

i feel voluntarily trapped. nothing means anything. if that makes any sense.

I also have PTSD from a profoundly chronically abusive childhood. I also had the exact experience you are describing about 7 years ago during graduate school.

What helped me was not reaching out to the people that had been in my life all along because they could not see what had changed in me/ for me. They didn't understand and a few accused me of "trying to get attention" which felt like being gutted when I was already lower than I had ever been.

I, instead, reached out to a psychaitrist who got me on antidepressant drugs (you have already made this step ) and who referred me to a PhD psychologist specializing in PTSD from childhood trauma.

In the end, I left graduate school, got a real engineering job (with health insurance), forged new friendships (slowly and painstakingly) and FORCED myself to engage in physical activity by literally giving my car away so I had no choice but to ride my bike to work everyday.

It has been several years and not everyday is good, but none of them are quite as dark as they were when I fell off that cliff 7 years ago.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I've had depression off and on for a long time.

There is a reason that a nervous breakdown is clinically called a major depressive episode. You are probably still suffering from it.

I know that antidepressants do help, but finding the right one or combination of them is hard at times. If it's been two months and the only thing you are feeling is a decrease in anxiety, you might want to talk to your doctor about switching to a different one or ones. I've been through many before I found the ones that helped me. Some didn't work at all, others made me suicidal. When you find the right one, it's like a miracle.

A few other tips in the meantime.

Even if you don't feel like it, go outside during the day. Just being outside will make you feel a little better or at least that you accomplished something.

Shower every day whether you want to or care or not. Being clean and putting on actual clothes every single day, and grooming like you are going out helps too. It makes me feel like more of a real person instead of just a depressed dirty lump in a nightgown.

Keeping a fairly clean environment is important too. A dirty or messy house, messy bed, etc can contribute to depression.

Motivation follows action in situations like these. If you wait around to get motivated to do something, you won't do it. Every single time, I've had to force myself to do those things. It does work. Slowly, but it does.

Please talk to your doc about switching meds.