Aspie Boyfriend- can anyone relate?!

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My Aspie boyfriend and I have been taking for three months now and we STILL have not kissed.....he just started holding my hand but not always....just whenever he feels like it....he'll just randomly take my hand for a WHILE then let it go.

Before we started the relationship, he told me he had committment issues and that he was indecisive, and that he liked going slow, but I mean.....it's been three months, and we still haven't kissed?! Come on!! And there doesn't seem to be much physical attachment from his side.....how long am I going to wait!?

Plus, he's leaving for Montreal in two months for a 6-month research job.....so I just wish he would just talk to me and tell me what he feels about me or how he's feeling about the whole situation without ME having to ask. OH! And the last thing, we go out all the time, but sometimes we have silent moments, or like....we just don't talk......I don't know if he doesn't feel like it, or if he just doesn't have anything to say, but we just don't talk...not always, just sometimes.....at a restaurant we just eat and he cracks jokes, or starts randomly singing....I don't know, is it his Aspie-ness?!?! I know he likes me, and I know he's happy when we're together, but I don't know how to handle it........any advice?? Or just some comforting words would be nice. =)

If you aren't comfortable not talking you should break up. That's normal, so you need to be comfortable with it. The not touching business is his own issues; if I had a girlfriend for three months there wouldn't be many locations in the city we hadn't had sex. So it's Aspergers + issues. Good luck!

Marie, I'm the aspie boyfriend with a normal girlfriend. From having listened to her for the last eleven years, she says she's learned to emphasize the things she does like about me. So, let me ask: What is it you like about this fellow, and is what you like enough to compensate for what will undoubtedly be at least a certain degree of aloofness from now on?

Conversely, has he given you any reason to believe the feelings you have for him are reciprocated? And if so, how?

I don't expect you to share the answers to these questions, but I do hope you can provide yourself with some satisfactory answers.

I do like the silence...because sometimes I don't feel like talking either....I feel like just being next to him, without any words getting in the way. I just wish I would know how he feels about me exactly....like why he suddenly thinks I could be part of his future....and why he's so detached....I will ask him soon, delicately....becuase I need to know why.

I am an aspie wife to a normal husband, and believe me, it's been difficult to try and get my husband to understand certain things about me and why it's so extremely difficult (if not impossible) to change them. It's certainly a struggle. You just have to decide whether the relationship is worth it to you. If it's not, you should admit that to yourself, and shouldn't stay in it. It's probably not going to change much in the future.

The issues my husband often has or doesn't understand are:

1. I'm not able to show affection very well, both physically and verbally. I've done my best to remember to tell him he looks nice, that I love him, and to give him hugs and kisses ever so often, but it's very difficult especially since I don't particularly enjoy it. It's not that I don't appreciate him or love him as much as he loves me, I just find it uncomfortable and frankly unnecessary to constantly say or do those things.

2. I often don't have much to say and completely enjoy silence (maybe because I don't always notice when I'm not saying anything). My husband is very social and likes to have stimulating conversations, but it's difficult to come up with the right words to say or to even WANT to say anything. Being selectively mute is hard to describe to someone who is not that way. It probably contributes to the indecisiveness. It's often very difficult to choose one thing because many things sound legitimate.

3. I used to find kissing very stimulating, but now it feels routine. It's not because I'm bored with my husband, I just think it's silly and it doesn't do much for me on most occasions.

4. I have very sensitive hands. My husband loves to pick at and pull on my fingers or rub my palms and it's probably the worst feeling ever. I usually blow up on him and he doesn't understand that what he was doing was like fingernails on a chalkboard to me.

5. I don't like to talk about myself or my feelings. It's very uncomfortable, and even on the days that I CAN understand what I'm feeling, it's hard to get what I'm feeling out in audible words.

Despite these things (and many others, this is just a few), we're happily married. He does his best to understand (though it's difficult since he doesn't have these experiences), and I do my best to understand his needs as well.

From my own experience looking at yours, I do believe it is his "aspie-ness" though I don't know him personally. Just know that if he is making the decision to stay with you, but being detached, he certainly does like you. You'll have to learn to appreciate that for itself rather than looking for verbal or physical confirmation because it's probably VERY hard for him to do those things, not because he doesn't like you but because it's literally uncomfortable.