Worried about my brother

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Erisad
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16 Feb 2012, 4:04 pm

My brother lost his job of three years on Christmas eve thanks to his temper. Now it's been a couple months and he has maybe sent his resume out 3 places at most, and we have to pull his teeth in order to get him to even do anything. Hell, mom and I have sent job ads to him and he ignores them. He went to a 2 year school and he has loans that he needs to pay. Mom's getting pissed off at his stubbornness and unwillingness to submit to the idea that he's an adult now and he has debt to pay, therefore he has to work. We can't pay for him the rest of his life. I lost my job last week and I've submitted my resume 3 places since then. He just wants to play videogames all day and not take responsibility for himself. He's 24 years old and it's not acceptable. I worry that he'll never find another job or will take drastic action so that he won't have to. No, he's not the one with AS, I am. I picture us in the future, I have my own house and a husband and children and after mom's gone, I'll have to take care of my irresponsible brother just because he doesn't want to work. I'm sorry if this sounds mean but I'm just frustrated. Is there anything I can do to help explain why he needs to work or anything? Nagging obviously doesn't work but what else can I do? :/



mv
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16 Feb 2012, 4:06 pm

Can you explain why your mother is enabling this? It's her house, right?

Maybe I just come from an extremely draconian family. :wink:



Erisad
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16 Feb 2012, 4:12 pm

mv wrote:
Can you explain why your mother is enabling this? It's her house, right?

Maybe I just come from an extremely draconian family. :wink:


It's grandma's house. I guess mom doesn't have the heart to just kick him out of the house. Although she's going to reach her breaking point soon. She already pays for his cellphone bill and car insurance and she buys food for him. I contribute the best I can by cleaning, cooking and paying for dinner when I can. I'll apply for unemployment if I need it by the time the penalty period ends since I was terminated. :/



purchase
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16 Feb 2012, 4:34 pm

Anger issues are consistent with depression and from the rest of what you describe he sounds depressed.

People won't do things that don't give immediate rewards if they are unable to imagine a future. All the pushing in the world won't help, speaking in my experience as the pushee anyway - you have to currently have the mental faculty that allows you to believe in long-term rewards to work at a "regular" job. Depression just takes that away.

What are your brother's interests? What was his job in and did he enjoy it?



Erisad
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16 Feb 2012, 4:36 pm

purchase wrote:
Anger issues are consistent with depression and from the rest of what you describe he sounds depressed.

People won't do things that don't give immediate rewards if they are unable to imagine a future. All the pushing in the world won't help, speaking in my experience as the pushee anyway - you have to currently have the mental faculty that allows you to believe in long-term rewards to work at a "regular" job. Depression just takes that away.

What are your brother's interests? What was his job in and did he enjoy it?


He worked in the meat and seafood department at Giant. He did not enjoy it at all. He likes videogames and has a degree in multimedia. He wants to make games someday or something. It's impossible to get into that industry though. He did quit his antidepressants after high school, maybe he shouldn't have. D:



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16 Feb 2012, 4:53 pm

Ahh! It's not impossible, otherwise there would be no video games!

This may not answer the issue right away but a lot of time spent doing what looks like nothing can be a way of gathering information on a thing and mentally processing it. Since he wants to make video games it makes sense he'd be spending a lot of time playing them.

Hmm. I mean that doesn't produce money in the meantime, no. Does he like physical (board) games? Maybe he would be interested in trying to find a job as a chess tutor or something like that in the meantime. I have seen so many job ads seeking chess tutors I can't believe it.



Erisad
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16 Feb 2012, 5:10 pm

purchase wrote:
Ahh! It's not impossible, otherwise there would be no video games!

This may not answer the issue right away but a lot of time spent doing what looks like nothing can be a way of gathering information on a thing and mentally processing it. Since he wants to make video games it makes sense he'd be spending a lot of time playing them.

Hmm. I mean that doesn't produce money in the meantime, no. Does he like physical (board) games? Maybe he would be interested in trying to find a job as a chess tutor or something like that in the meantime. I have seen so many job ads seeking chess tutors I can't believe it.


He plays chess, yes. I don't know about being a tutor. He's not really patient with people. He's shy and antisocial.

I meant impossible as in you have to know someone to get into the industry. It's really niche too. So it's difficult. Especially since he hasn't really tried developing anything on his own. His skills have gotten really rusty, which is why he has no confidence in his abilities. Honestly, I'm just trying to get him to apply for IT and data processing positions just to have something remotely related to his degree and to pay the bills.

I think he's playing games more to avoid his responsibility more than to boost his career chances.



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16 Feb 2012, 6:49 pm

Ah gotcha. Well! IT positions sound like a good bet. It's nice you're trying to help him with that. You say he's shy and fearing getting rejected by jobs can make even applying really hard if he's shy so. Something that makes use of his talents sounds a lot better than his old grocery-store job since he doesn't plan on being a butcher. Ultimately from the sounds of it he is the kind of person who really needs to love their job or else it's hell on earth but I could be projecting a little bit.



Erisad
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16 Feb 2012, 6:53 pm

purchase wrote:
Ah gotcha. Well! IT positions sound like a good bet. It's nice you're trying to help him with that. You say he's shy and fearing getting rejected by jobs can make even applying really hard if he's shy so. Something that makes use of his talents sounds a lot better than his old grocery-store job since he doesn't plan on being a butcher. Ultimately from the sounds of it he is the kind of person who really needs to love their job or else it's hell on earth but I could be projecting a little bit.


That's pretty much how it is with me also. I wish he would just try. At this rate I'll have to submit the applications for him too. Ugh. >.<



CrazyStarlightRedux
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16 Feb 2012, 6:56 pm

mv wrote:
Can you explain why your mother is enabling this? It's her house, right?

Maybe I just come from an extremely draconian family. :wink:


If she were British, the answer is obvious, WE ROLL OVER WHILST THEY TICKLE OUR BELLIES!?!

And I can relate to this somewhat, my bro lost his job on Xmas Eve and has a bad habit of staying up all night and eating at irregular times.

He's been asked back to his job today but I doubt he'll get it.

You should just send his CVs to candidates Erisad and see what happens.



Erisad
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16 Feb 2012, 7:10 pm

CrazyStarlightRedux wrote:
mv wrote:
Can you explain why your mother is enabling this? It's her house, right?

Maybe I just come from an extremely draconian family. :wink:


If she were British, the answer is obvious, WE ROLL OVER WHILST THEY TICKLE OUR BELLIES!?!

And I can relate to this somewhat, my bro lost his job on Xmas Eve and has a bad habit of staying up all night and eating at irregular times.

He's been asked back to his job today but I doubt he'll get it.

You should just send his CVs to candidates Erisad and see what happens.


Yeah but he'll get confused when they call and probably blow them off. I'll have to tell him that I sent his information and he'll probably get pissed. >.<



CrazyStarlightRedux
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16 Feb 2012, 7:14 pm

Erisad wrote:
Yeah but he'll get confused when they call and probably blow them off. I'll have to tell him that I sent his information and he'll probably get pissed. >.<


Does he pay Board Money? He'll find work then!



Erisad
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16 Feb 2012, 7:17 pm

CrazyStarlightRedux wrote:
Erisad wrote:
Yeah but he'll get confused when they call and probably blow them off. I'll have to tell him that I sent his information and he'll probably get pissed. >.<


Does he pay Board Money? He'll find work then!


I don't think he does. She may have to start charging rent.