attention getter goes here. hey you, yeah

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I just came back from partying with people I previously considered friends. I am still drunk so perhaps this will not have a coherent macro-structure.

I was ignored tonight. It's not an uncommon thing. I am often ignored. I was once a quiet person and this would be understandable at that time. But I have given full effort to engage myself. I remember when I first started I was the life of the party. But I finally understood all the patterns. Maybe I got too sarcastic, or too confident. But whatever it is there is a disjunction between me and the other people. It results in me being ignored for the most part.

My girlfriend tells me that I'm beautiful and funny and fashionable and charming. And if she's right I can't imagine why I'm being ignored so she must be bending the truth somewhere for me.

I don't want to forgive these people but I know they'll notice I'm angry and then apologize and I'll forgive them because I want to have friends. But maybe they're not worth it. And maybe no one is worth it. In fact, I make posts on the internet and get ignored. This time it's understandable as this post is making little sense and I'm incredibly drunk. But in general there's just something even about the way I write that begs to get ignored.

It's funny that in anything based on other's opinions (social interaction) somehow I fail miserably but in my math or science or anything objective I crush everyone. I know it's cliche, but to hell with what haters may think, I AM A MISUNDERSTOOD GENIUS. Yeah that's right, I will proclaim it with no shame. I fully expect either no responses or negative responses (feel free to prove me wrong though).

I'm just reaching out in desperation for a resonant voice. I believe I am rare, but I cannot be the only one. There are too many people in this world for me to be the only one.

To be a little meta, I read over my post and hesitated to hit submit as I considered all the negative ways this post could be taken but as usual the only resolution to my anxieties is to move forward with no consideration for the consequences, so here is my post you uncaring masses. I must be a fool to throw out my feelings and thoughts to you, but I hope that my foolishness will mimic the serendipity of the average man's foolishness.

luckily i went through the 'im a genius' phase in junior high and got that out of my system. I'm not saying it isn't true for you, just think how counterproductive it is to put any energy into that thought and the arrogance and aloofness of it. it serves no purpose.
as for parties i would highly advise against those. small gatherings of people you are close to is a much better environment. 5 or 6 max before there is just too much going on. I'm not really comfortable with more that 3 or 4 friends usually. Usually just one at a time if any now a days.

curious, what is the nature of your rarity?

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