Why I am Depressed (Can I ever not be?)

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Ok, this is really long, sorry about that.

I have NLD. When I read about NLD, it's like someone followed me around for a week and wrote a full report. However, my parents didn't get me diagnosed as to "protect me". I understand their motives were good ones, and I really don't want special ed, but the lack of diagnosis made things worse in the end. My parents also didn't do any research into my signs, so they didn't know about all my struggles. When I struggled in school, they accused me of being lazy and became angry with me over my grades. They would tell me that I was throwing away my potential.

I was bullied all through elementary school due to my poor social skills. Once I hit middle school and high school, my grades fell due to the NLD kicking in academically. I didn't fare much better socially either, but at least I wasn't bullied. I developed my depression in seventh grade, and it's gone and come back in the subsequent years.

My parents talk to me like I'm an idiot. They've also teased me for years. They're not bad parents- but all attempts to try to convey to them how I think and feel have failed- probably because I'm so bad with words They have no idea I'm depressed. Because they think I'm stupid, I cannot bring myself to display any intellectual weakness with them. That's why I don't turn to them for help with school, and my grades keep falling despite tutoring.

Today I'm just so depressed and irritable around them. I feel like I'm being kind of cold around them, but every time they're nice to me I just think "They're only behaving like this because they think I am an idiot. It's really patronization"

Just a few minutes ago I overheard my parents laughing about something I said that was socially awkward. They don't mean it to be nasty, but it really makes my depression worse.

I don't mean to kill myself, and I don't cut often, and I never cut deep. (In fact, I only have 2 scars from cutting, from when I went in deeper than I wanted to accidentally) However, I cannot deal with this much longer. This whole life is an utter nightmare, and I don't know what to do.

In list form:

1. My parents think I'm stupid.
2. I am socially awkward
3. I'm an academic failure
4. I don't have many friends, although people like me.

What can I do? Thanks to my being thought of as stupid, my self esteem is down the tubes. I know I'm not, but that's not enough. I'm just so done. So done.

Well ... I'm not trying to be judgmental or mean, but have you considered counseling by an appropriately trained and licensed mental-health professional? Some people benefit from this, although the benefits might not be obvious for quite some time.

Otherwise, if you are old enough and can hold down a job, you might benefit by getting away from your family - it worked for me.

And please don't hurt yourself - it solves nothing and may even prolong or intensify your depression.

Thanks for your reply

I don't think counseling is possible now- I don't think my parents would let me go.

Should I just stick it out another 19 months til I go to college and can get a therapist?

If you have a study hall could you talk to a school counselor during that time?

My school is really small and doesn't have a counselor

That seems really weird, I think we had 4-6, not including special ed since the teachers for there I think counted as counselors. But my school had close to a thousand people in it

One thing you could do is think about joining some kind of youth group. The leaders in there are qualified state wise as counselors. I joined one cause one of the volunteers at wrestling the one year I did that was one of the people for younglife. I didn't feel like I fit in since most of the people there were the "popular kids". But everybody was really nice and it was fun.

You're welcome, any time.


My parents told me that what happened at home was nobody else's business, and that I should never speak to anyone about my problems. So it seems that your situation may be similar to the way mine was.


Is there a teacher that you can trust until then? How about a pastor's wife? If there is a youth fellowship in your area, it may not be a bad idea to attend their get-togethers, if only for the distraction of being among peers and away from your folks.

Otherwise, if your only option is to "stick it out", then do you have any hobbies that you can escape into? I took up reading (S/F, History, Biographies, et cetera) in my early teens, and the benefits have lasted for 40 years.

Yes, I'm 54 years old. Life can get better for those who "stick it out".

That alone inspires me

I don't have the level of autonomy to go out and join youth groups or talk with someone after school.

Is there somewhere online where I could go and IM a therapist?

Woo-HOO! Now that made my day!


My moment of autonomy came about a week after graduation, when I took the first available bus to anywhere.


I wish I knew. You can come here, and people will try to help, but you will have to keep wanting to be helped.

I feel optimistic for you, since you don't seem to have it as bad as others, and you seem to have a clear idea of what to do once you have the opportunity. I recommend preparing yourself for that opportunity - stay in school, study hard, and stay out of trouble.

You sound articulate and intelligent, at least in this medium...have you considered communicating these thoughts to your parents in writing? Like in essay form, or in a letter or email? They would have to be pretty thick to see you as anything but self-aware and intelligent if you wrote to them in the same style and tone as you have here.