I HATE auras!! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! ! >:(

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I hate auras. I think I have one, because I attract everyone's eye wherever I go, and I'm nobody special, I'm just an average joe, so I don't see why I have to catch everybody's eye. Then when I attend a social situation, the aura goes away! Unbelievable! Well, I assume it does, since I don't get noticed at all and nobody talks to me. Yet, in public, I catch human eyes all the time. And no, I don't do anything unusual, I don't dress weirdly, and I don't do anything even remotely different to be deserved to be shamed and judged negatively. I even stand up straight, and I've been told by close friends and relatives (who I trust and who love me enough to want to help) that I stand up straight and don't have an unusual gait. I know that myself anyway. I am just another ordinary citizen that does not stand out among the rest.

So the only answer is, I have an aura what attracts the human eye. When I'm sitting on the bus, people only look in at me as it passes them, and people who get on seem to notice me first out of all the rest and they stare at me as they walk to the nearest empty seat. How do I know without looking? That's easy - because I can feel when people are looking at me without me having to look at them. I can sense it. Is it my imagination? Certainly not - because often when I've been with someone I know, and I said, ''that person was staring at me'', they say, ''yes, they looked at me aswell'' or, ''they probably weren't looking at you to criticise'', so it can't be my imagination if I get evidence from other people I'm with. So I might have an aura, which is invisible to people who know me, and seems invisible to men, but women can see it more, and little girls can too because they stare up at me (little boys don't). My aura must be a florescent colour if I'm that noticable. I'm metaphorically speaking by the way, nobody can actually see it, but there's some sort of eerie thing that automatically turns the human eye to me. It's spooky, and I don't like this happening to me any more. Some say I'm lucky to get noticed, but I find it unlucky. I don't want to be noticed. I am shy, I don't like people, I have a social phobia - I want to walk out in the street and be treated like everyone else.

Is there some sort of trick to get rid of auras? Can't I see a gypsy or a psychic, or any other person that deals with this kind of thing? I don't even believe in all of this, but now I'm starting to, since it's the only answer as to why I attract everyone's attention so vividly.

Everyone has an aura.

Maybe people find you very attractive?

There is no empirical evidence for the existence of human "auras" - Kirlian photography has been thoroughly debunked, as well.

HOWEVER, people will notice other people, especially if their appearance, behavior, or speech is even the slightest bit out of the ordinary - such as would be typical of an Aspie. It may be that most people will find you attractive, or be amused at a behavioral quirk or exotic speech pattern.

Enjoy the attention!

When people get on a mode of public transport, they look at everyone to find the least personal space-evading area, or a person they wouldn't mind sitting next to if there's no other seats available. People do this because there's often strange people on public transport, and it's best to avoid most of them (drunks etc.). When it's you who's getting on the bus, some people will stare at you as if to say, "Don't sit next to me. I don't want any stranger sitting next to me".

People probably notice you first because they'll notice something that stands out the most. I'm assuming you probably look scared because you hate being looked at. This probably draws peoples' attention.

Women get looked at by men anyway, and women like to glare at other women as if to tell them off if they think they've done something wrong...like wearing the wrong clothes. Really. Teenagers put their feet on the seats so you don't sit next to them. That's just teens for you.

All in all, don't take it personally.

Yer but nobody's perfect, and everyone's different. I mean, it ain't as though I'm in an army where you all got to be all exactly the same and stand well upright in a neat row, marching in complete rhythm. That I would expect the slightest odd thing could make a difference. But in a busy public place where you see a thousand different people doing different things, of all different ages, sizes, religeons, race, gender, background....I don't think a silly odd thing is really going to make a huge amount of difference. In fact, I would of thought looking shy would push me into the background and the confident-looking people would be noticed more. I notice confident more, and my counsellor said there is nothing wrong with being shy.
And on the bus I don't really act nervous. I just pretend to be looking out of the window, or I just look ahead. This is why I have social phobia - it's because I feel that everybody's watching me and noticing every move I do and I can't escape it. Even my CBT therapist told me that not everybody in the world is confident, and that there is no rule to say everybody must be perfect and confident, and as long as you are just neutral and not doing anything signifficantly unusual, then I shouldn't be drawing everyone's attention just by sitting there or standing there doing nothing.

And no, I am not that attractive. I'm not putting myself down - I just know that there are more attractive people than me out there, and I didn't think I was attractive enough to be stared at by 98 percent of the public. I am just average, nothing special.

Joe90, Im sure you are not that different enough to be singled out. Like we often mention on here, nobody is perfect. Im a young NT and I dont stare at people who look shy or nervous. I have other things to think about, and Im sure other people are the same.

Even if somebody does look at you, 9 times out of 10 they probablly arent thinking anything of you, they just look for the sake of looking. It's a natural thing in people. People check each other out all the time. It even happens in the animal kingdom too - I see cats stare at each other, I see dogs stare at each other, even my pet gerbils sometimes stare at each other or catch each other's eye as they scamper past each other in the cage. Its just a natural thing.

And sometimes it can feel like people are staring at you when theyre actually looking past you but in your direction. I was on the bus the other day sitting on the left side, and I had this feeling this woman on the right side was looking right at me, so I turned to see if she was and she was only looking out of the window that was on my side, she wasnt actually looking at me at all, but it really felt like she was looking directly at me, and I didn't feel right until I turned and checked. And often when I was looking right in someone's direction but not at them and they turned round to me as if to say 'what are you looking at?' although I was just looking over in their direction.

So its probably nothing personal. You have said before that you have an anxiety disorder, so maybe being hypersensitve to other people's non-verbal behaviour is linked to your anxiety and social phobia? Nobody likes being stared at, so Im sure people arent going to try to intimidate you if they know that they dont like to be stared at themselves anyway, and Im sure they have got better things to worry about than what a random stranger is doing.

Just stop believing you are a target. It will make your life very miserable.

I see several possible explanations here:

1. Some people find you attractive
2. You may be doing something in some way that is a little out of the norm, without realizing it.
3. People are checking out every one in the immediate area, for safety, and personal interest reasons.
4, People are looking in your general direction or past you.
5. You are too self conscious.
6. You may be a little bit paranoid, but just a little.

Personally, I don't think #6 applies in your case, but I do think that some combination of the other 5 is in play, and I do think that you are too self conscious. It is very common for us to be that way, but you don't come across to me as paranoid. I know a little something about that. It is very common for teenagers, whether on the spectrum or NT, to go through a brief period of minor paranoia. I did myself way back when. It was not severe at all, and didn't last long. Even back then, when I was phasing out of it, it seemed to my way of thinking, that it was just a teenage phase thing. That helped me get through it, because I knew it wasn't serious, just a part of going through the teen years.

I do know that people do look at me at times, because I am not able to pass as totally normal, so they do get obvious in their looking, but I usually don't let it bother me. Nobody's perfect, and we all have problems. Unfortunately, some of mine are more obvious, and NTs don't always feel comfortable around people who are different. But I don't feel that comfortable around them, either, so we are even.

Just don't let it bother you about whether people are focusing on you or not. If you really think they are and you look and see they are, just smile and nod at them. It will make them feel better, and that should make you feel better, too. I do this a lot myself, and it does work. So smile and chill.

Yer but sometimes having people looking at me becomes overwhelming, because it then makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong all the time, and I feel like they don't want me to be there, even though I'm not doing anything notable.
And just because I'm an Aspie doesn't mean I am assumed to always be doing something odd. I know what I'm doing, I have self-awareness, and when I'm with someone else they don't notice anything wrong in me and they aren't embarrassed to be with me.
I have an elderly relative with Alzheimer's, and admittedly she is a bit embarrassing to be with. She does odd movements, twirls around a bit (due to confusion), and literally gets right in everyone's way, and even I could say that she is uncool, and her behaviour does make people look. She's not tremendously embarrassing, but she is ''odd'' enough to make people look at her and misunderstand. But she is losing her self-awareness now.
But me, I know how to be ''cool''. The only times when I do lose my cool a bit is when I get angry about something. I have stormed away stiffly from someone before, and a few people looked, and another time when I was crying in the street because of the snow, and two people walked by and gave me a funny look - but that's to be expected because I was doing something not extremely unusual but unusual enough to be noticed. So that's my problem.
But otherwise, I walk down the road looking all grown-up, standing up straight (not hunched over), hair kept washed and brushed (I'm getting a style soon), face kept clean, smelling of nice perfume (not too strong), dressed presentably and stylish, clothes kept clean, a stylish handbag over my shoulder.....just like the common 21-year-old really, and in that age range. And the other day I was standing outside a shop, and I caught my reflection in the shop window, and had to look twice because I thought I was just another girl standing there. I was like, ''is that me? I actually look cool standing here, even for me) so I must generally look reasonable.

I seem to get people staring at me when I'm sitting on the bus, waiting for the bus, queueing up in a shop, or looking in a clothes shop.

I suffer from a similar problem. Just like you I know people are looking and staring at me, and i can feel it, and it's true people do look at me, and i kinda wonder why, and my head becomes filled with very negative reasons as to why. I think it's got to do with self esteem problems, as well as being unsure of yourself around strangers. To me i just can't relate to others, so i automatically assume i stick out, when i actually don't. i hate to say it but it's all in the mind. Our minds are convinced we are inferior and we're almost on the look out to confirm this supposed fact.

we notice someone looking at us and we automatically assume the worse. some people who feel good about themselves, will not feel insecure about the attention. we all get looked at by other people. so why would some like the attention, and others dread it ? from my personal experience i think it's got a lot to do with how we see ourselves. if we're not comfortable in our own skin, the attention takes on a negative side. i know it's the most difficult thing in the world to do, but being happy about ourselves is the only real solution.

Yer I know, but mine seems to attract attention, even when people aren't looking my way there still seems to be something about me that tells their brains that they have to turn around and look at me. It just feels that way, like what I said about people walking on the pavements (sidewalks) looking at me sitting in the bus as it goes by them. I don't gawp out the window like some people do, but somehow I still get their attention, even though I'm just sitting like everybody else. I wouldn't think anything about me would be noticed that much if I'm in a bus which is whizzing past people in the street at 40 miles per hour. I just keep my hands on my lap, and they can only see the top half of me. When a bus whizzes past me, I don't specifically notice people in the bus. I just see a blur of figures sitting in each window, and I have good eye sight. Even if it was going slow enough, I still wouldn't single one person out who is looking ordinary. But it always seems the same with me - 8 out of 10 people who I pass seem to turn their head towards my window where I'm sitting at in the bus, as though I'm the only one who they've noticed. It confuses me. It might just be partly my imagination here, but paranoid thoughts convince me that it's real.

f*****g people - makes me want to go on a rampage one of these days.

I get the same looks as someone with Elephantitis would. Or maybe when I go out, I grow another head or an extra arm. Yeah, that's got to be it, because it's the only reason I've come up with. Unless I spaz around mentally, which I don't think I do, since nobody I'm with has ever pointed that out. So I don't know.

IT JUST MAKES ME SO f*****g MAD!! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !

I do think it's in our heads. Maybe we underestimate the amount of times others look around and stare at people in their immediate surroundings. I never look people in the eye, and I won't lie, if I notice someone noticing me, I wonder what's the reason - probably because I know that I would only stare at something very exceptional (either negative or positive).

Today, the same feelings came across me as I was in a shopping mall. But out of nowhere an older lady noticed me, and started a conversation with me. She had noticed that I was looking at laptops and she wanted to show me a package that she had bought and was very happy with. At first I though she was a sales rep, but she wasn't. We spoke for about 5 minutes, and she gave me some good advice. I couldn't believe it really. I then thought "perhaps this is just me, being highly paranoid". I just hope this event will teach me to think better about myself.

maybe we just care too much about what others think. if so, it's something that needs to change, although i know it ain't easy.

I often have people making small talk with me in the bus stop or in the queue in a shop, and often people hold the doors open for me and smile, etc. And people don't avoid me. In fact they stand right in my space, and sit next to me on the bus. So I don't know what it is that attracts people's attention so much. I would understand it if I were really skanky or walked in a funny, noticable way, and I would also understand it if I looked like a beautiful model, but I'm neither of those. I'm just ordinary.

I got on the bus yesterday, and when I got on, people looked my way and I saw them looking right at me as I went to sit down, even though I wasn't looking at them directly, I could still see their gaze in the corner of my eye. I sat just two of three seats from the back, and when other people got on and off, I looked at other people's heads who were in front of me and their heads were just facing forwards, but when I get on and off, I catch people turning their heads right towards me and looking up at me. So they must be staring at me for some significant reason. And no, it's not the way I get on and off. I get on and off just like everyone else does, I don't do it any sort of unusual way.

This morning I had a girl walking in front of me, and she was limping slightly, and her walking looked noticable. But I didn't judge it against her, and I didn't want to stare. I think it's quite normal to see people walking funny. It doesn't really stand out any more. I often see people walking funny. My cousin walks like a duck, with both her feet outwards.

If everybody marched along in rhythm like soldiers, then trivial differences would be more noticable, and even funny, but when you see, like, a thousand people a day when you go out, I didn't think little differences would stand out so much, unless you are doing something very unusual or making a scene.

I know I am f*****g obsessed, but it is really getting to me because I would love to know what it is what's getting people's attention. I am seeing a counsellor, and she had arranged for me to meet someone to help with confidence building, and I've already had one session with this person out in public. She said I don't look any different to anyone else, and she said some of her clients need to be taught to hold a better posture and to stop stimming or doing nervous movements with their hands (like ringing their fingers), but she said I don't need to change my posture or actions because I'm already fine from the outside. Just what I thought.

So, I don't know why people stare at me like that for. It's driving me crackers, it really is.

^
For me knowing that someone isn't avoiding me, is a huge sense of relief. The incident which happened yesterday helped calm my nerves, as i seriously doubt a total stranger would come up to talk to someone who they would see as a 'freak' etc. So from my point of view, the fact that you get acknowledged is a huge plus, as it is more than likely that you don't have something totally against what people would expect. So I think it's a sign that you're being acknowledged as an equal at least.

As i said earlier, perhaps we think that other people will perceive things like we do. maybe people just like to stare at others more than we are accustomed to. As for walking into a bus, anyone who enters into a room/bus etc with people already seated will gain attention. I remember a lecturer at uni, telling us not to come in late, as it distracts the entire class as most people will look at the person who has just arrived. So it may appear you're in the spotlight, when it happens to everyone.

overall i do think it's all to do with confidence and self esteem. if you see yourself in a bad light you automatically think others are doing the same. another thing is not to care what others think. even if one does walks funny or looks a bit odd, it's no reason that that person should be ashamed of himself. i think that's the biggest obstacle to overcome - not to worry about the opinions of others.

Yer I know, that's what I keep telling myself, but I still can't seem to stop these paranoid thoughts going round and round in my head. I still keep feeling like people are singling me out. And I don't feel nervous until I know that somebody has looked at me (mostly another girl). When I walk onto a bus, I block all the people out and just concentrate on which seat to sit in, but as soon as I feel somebody is staring at me, I immediately feel upset afterwards, not beforehand. So it can't be me being nervous that attracts attention.
And yes, the person getting on the bus does get noticed and looked at, I know it's a rather natural thing, but I feel that some people go out of their way just to look at me. They turn their heads right round only to stare, and I worry that it's because of the way I'm holding my bags (if I have shopping bags). But then again, most people hold their bags at an awkward angle when they're getting on the bus, especially when the driver pulls off while you're still walking to your seat, and you got to quickly grab on to the nearest pole for dear life, and you clutch your bags tightly because of the fear of accidentally hitting someone over the head with one of them, so you got to quickly pass your bags into the hand that's not holding on to the poles. It can be awkward for everyone. People should just look at me and think, ''oh, she's been shopping, that's what most women tend to like to do.''

When I'm walking in the street, often I get a car draw up and somebody asking me for directions to somewhere. And I think if I looked weird or untrustworthy or freaky or stupid, I don't think people would bother asking me, especially if there are others walking about too. I mean, I've been lost somewhere before, and I know that the last person I want to ask is somebody who looks a bit shifty or weird or stupid or even uninteractable. I usually just go upto an average joe on the street and ask them, so I must just look like an average joe to other people, if they do the same to me. I don't see why I wouldn't. I mean, just because I'm an Aspie doesn't mean I'm unaware of my actions. Sometimes when I'm in a bad mood I might walk stiffly and fast and not bother to hold my head up or put on a friendly expression or anything, but it's quite normal to have days like that, and quite often I don't do this.