Fear of loss

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I think I have a fear of loss, and it is causing more anxiety. When you're not very confident (like me) you need friends or money to be able to move on a bit in this world, and so I hate losing friends or jobs.

I think most people can't seem to deal with a lack of friends, and I follow that same trait. I tend to stick with anyone who pays a bit of attention to me and invites me out with them, whether I feel comfortable with them or not, and I'm forever giving myself up to try to impress them all the time because I'm so afraid of losing them and going back to being lonely and isolated again, even if it is for the best. Without friends, you can't do so much on your own. There's not much fun in going to the cinema on your own or going out for lunch on your own or dancing on your own, unless you don't mind. But I do mind, I feel that being on my own all the time makes me a better target for bullies, and I like to be seen sometimes hanging out with other people, without having to rely on my cousins all the time (they're more or less grown up now and all have friends of their own and are out and about). So that is why I tend to stick with who I've got (not saying my friends I have at the moment are the wrong people because for once in my life I've actually found better friends, but I only have very few friends).

But work is more scary, because I've been on jobseekers now for almost 4 years and I still haven't found a job yet, and I keep worrying that if I start somewhere it might pack up or shut down and then I will be out of a job again, just when I thought I had finally ''climbed the employment ladder a step''. In this stupid country, places are closing down just like that, one by one, and about three-thousand more people are being thrown on jobseekers a month (according to what I've heard). I know everybody has got this worry, but since it's more harder for me to find work as it is, and it's taking me this long to find work, and I suffer from anxiety, I think getting settled in a job then suddenly being chucked back on jobseekers benefits again won't do my ego very good. Being on jobseekers is terrible, they are really strict, and I just can't keep up with it all and now I've had enough of being on jobseekers so much that I can't be bothered to look for work any more since it's becoming so fruitless.

This is why I can't cope with loss. Anyone else stuck in the same boat as me with these 2 issues nagging in your mind all the time?

I hear you, Joe90! I don't know if it will help, but back when I was in my twenties and thirties, I had to jump from job to job, as well. I worked for temporary agencies for awhile, because they didn't scrutinize you to closely, and even preferred that you kept to yourself in some places, which suited me fine. Since I was hired by the agency, and not the employer, if something didn't work out they would simply send me to another place. This actually helped with my dread of loss, because it was always changing. An assignment could last for weeks, or just days, and there was always something else coming up. The agency would only fire you if you consistently showed up late, or actually kept canceling assignments. Do you have temp agencies where you live?

As for the depression, I have suffered from that all my life. I have found that keeping busy helps you in day to day coping, but there is little I can suggest for that. I know that medication is heartily recommended by most. but I have learned to cope without meds, since the side effects were getting to me.

Have you considered self employment? If you have a hobby, maybe you could make some money off of it. Or you could do house cleaning, gardening, lawn mowing, help people organize their homes, walk dogs, etc. Use your imagination, and keep records if you do or the tax men will get on your case.