Dementors have kissed me. Noone else.

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How? In highschool I was depressed, I made it out alive however. Barely.

Now im taking back ground. Recovering. Making little steps forward wherever I can! It takes all my strength to do it, and it's all very noble.

But its not going to be enough.

Im going to die. I know it.

I can't wake up, can't fall asleep, can't talk to anyone, have no plan.


Im taking basic courses to try and learn the things I was too fuzzy in the head to learn in highschool.
However.. even if I get a superb grade on a midterm like I did recently, my dad only replies with "well you could try taking some real courses now huh?" Accomplishment accounts for nothing.

I hate this. And I can't do any better.

In the end, I lack the ability to carry out my ideas.. I can think up ways to run a business. But the day to day activities are far beyond me.

Im never the same two days in a row.

Relationships have been shelved. Until I feel I can trust myself, I won't drag others into it.

I'm about to run out of money, about to be kicked out of my home, or about to leave due to mental abuse. There's nothing positive here but I have no way to leave. I'm completely dependant on my parents.

My life is like those games that say "insert credits to continue".
When the money runs out, I die. That's the cold, hard, truth.
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Btw- Dementors are symbolic of depression. Cool harry potter reference there....

Sigh.

Tomorrow is a new day. Maybe I can step on a bug, that's being useful right?

I wish someone would step on me.

It really is.

Also don't let what your dad says get to you.. I see him saying that as him thinking you're capable of more.

But you take your courses for yourself and your future, not for him. Heck..a lot of people don't even go to college. You had the initiative to go and the courage to stick with it as well. Don't look at your parents as a motivation for grades, thats a huge mistake that I made. Sometimes parents are good in some areas and poor in others. Encouraging me was something my mom failed at as well.


Sorry about your financial issue, is it possible to get a part time job on days you don't have classes?

If you think you're alone, like the only one going through things like depression?- you are WRONG!! In fact, I've gone through a LOT of what you're talking about?! And I never used to believed in this phrase, a few years ago: but it does get better![b][/b] Okay? But you have to hang on, I'm sure all the hardships you're facing will pass, because I survived it, too, please believe me!

I would like to think it is possible, but after many applications and no reply it seems hopeless to me.

Combine that with 24/7 fatigue and it really takes the drive out of job searching.. I don't think I can exist in a job. And im deathly scared of dealing with people.


But yes, you have a point about not taking his comments personally. It's the subtle hints whenever I want to talk to him- he says how old I am, he tells me I need to get out of bed earlier. Etc.

I feel bad because he works such long hours, I wish I could help, and at the same time I find him very oppressive. Its a confusing situation.

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As for the depression, I beat it once. It was glorious, but it came back.

I know it is a big problem- and that many go through it nowadays.

Most of my problems would go away if I could operate better, im kinda sick of just surviving day after day. I want to live, and live properly!

I feel I got cheated out of a proper existence.

My good friend, depression can be vanquished, but never be killed (I have it too). But you sir, are a survivor! You know what determines the fate of a species in nature? Survival! Thriving isn't necessary, it's survival! Nature is pass/fail my friend and you are passing.

You're taking basic courses depressed? Beats the s**t outta me, I dropped out from my depression. People belittle your accomplishments? Lets see them accomplish something with crippling depression! An accomplishment is something YOU are proud of, everyone else can die of herpes! And don't worry if they won't last long after you're dead, when you only get to enjoy them while you're alive.

Speaking of death, we all die, but death makes life worth living. If we lived forever, we'd just procrastinate for eternity! When death comes, you shake his hand, look him in the eye socket, and say, "Ah, nice timing. I was just starting to get bored of living!" But for now, know this, every day that ends with you still standing, is a nice, thick loogie spat in the face of your depression. DROWN IT!

Much like a dementor! The spell repels them, not kills. :O

Your post made my day though haha... thanks.

I don't know how you manage to stay that positive, but keep right on doing it- its very much contagious.

Anytime good sir! Remember: Expecto Pimphandum to slap those dementors back in line!