Does anyone fear being completely on their own?

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I know it's natural to be afraid about the future when you are going to graduate from college in the near future. But then my 72-year old dad sometimes says he wants to die or that he is tired of life. I constantly fear waking up with a dead body laying in the bed across from me or hearing him having a heart attack or stroke. I want him to see a doctor, but my dad refuses, and he will not give up smoking.

Since my parents divorced, I have felt more vulnerable. My mom is on SSI (which runs out in 2014), I absolutely hate my little sister and do not want anything to do with her (and would never ask for help from her, more than likely she would want me to help rather than her help me), most of my dad's relatives are pretty much alienated because of old feuds, his daughters are single and busy with their own lives. My aunt and her family gave up on my family because of her anger about my mom's behavior and because she is angry about my dad and I not being religious.

I don't feel like I can ask for help from anyone I am far more scared than I ever was in years past. Because of a fight and my fears about his mortality, I feel like I am being really impulsive about my job search and am constantly trying to change paths because I fear it won't be feasible. I am also worried because although he said he has 30,000 set aside for each of us in life insurance, I am scared the money won't last me too long.

I don't know, maybe my problems are isolated and a marginal case, but being an soon-to-graduate aspie living without a driver's licnce with a bunch of alienated family members in a single parent household in a small state with mostly retail and service-sector jobs scares the hell out of me. My history degree won't get my foot in the door, and I am scared about the search for graduate schools and about student loan debt. I am afraid of homelessness.

I'm so jealous of people who have younger parents and can afford to sit in their bedrooms all the time w/o worrying about when their parents will die.

Does anyone else have experiences like this, no matter how dissimilar.

Eh.. I relate with your dad smoking.

My grandmother said many similar things she was a heavy smoker and was in the hospital several times in her 70's. She would never quit it was one of the few things she could do recreationally with her growing inability to walk.

She passed away last August.

Drivers license is nice, its more freedom. Was an ability for a friendless individual to get away from a screwed up household. But sometimes I regret driving. I've had two major car accidents, the first was the first time I got behind a vehicle by myself. I've also had 3 minor accidents as well. I know if I had an accident on the express way, my life would be over just because I wanted to get to a destination faster. I only drive myself to and from work, market and local areas.

College experience is very dissimilar, I didn't make it myself. An abusive home environment and generalized anxiety made me quit after the first semester. I'd like to start going back within the year tho. Student loan debt sounds scary, but if you can find a job that does make use of your history degree, you'd have an opportunity to start paying it back.

I am completely on my own. You get used to it after a while. The loneliness can get to you, but in my opinion, it's still better than having to share a house or apartment with noisy and judgemental relatives.

Absolutely. Just in case you haven't heard it already, DO NOT let your mom break you into joining her religion. She is living in her own little world. Either her religion is no good or she is not being true to it by using it to badger you. Sounds like a pretty dysfunctional family, running on hate.

Yes, as I know if anything happens to my parents and brother, I will have no purpose in this world as I don't exactly seem to be close to any of my friends, work colleagues as I'd like to me (the latter I can understand, but the former has really annoyed me).

I think probably the fear of the change and being on your own is worse than ACTUALLY being on your own.

You could maybe look into what your state's Aging and Adult Services could do in terms of helping with support and care for your Dad. As a history major you may not have the skills to look after him if he does develop a major health problem.

Having a license is an investment. I got mine when I was 16 but didn't really use it until I was 25. It's important to have the flexibility and, unless you live in a city, most areas of the U.S. don't have very good public transportation. And to counterbalance Greatsharkbite's 5 accidents, I've had none (although that might just boil down to luck. It's certainly not skill)