I'm wondering how a person stops grieving, or how to speed up the grieving proccess. I'm still grieving the loss of the Routemaster, and it's been eleven months since the last one was taken off the 159. Eleven months! Can you believe it? I haven't told any of my family members about this. I haven't even told my close friends about it, either. It's pretty hard for me to do so, since I am in Canada. I've had a good cry, yesterday morning. That was something that I wasn't able to do, before I've moved. I was always crying myself, silently to sleep on the night of the 9th of every month. I didn't want my cold, preoccupied parents to find out, so I've had to keep my secret from Mr. and Mrs. Canada. It seems that I'm not my mother's or my father's child. I'm no Wild Child. I'm London's Daughter. My parents have warmed up enough that I feel somewhat appreciated. I still don't feel fully accepted. I've been working on putting my past behind me. I've forgotten about the worst summer of my life. That was the Summer of 87, when I was repeatedly told not to talk through my nose. Why should I think about such crap, if I'm living apart from my parents? I haven't been medicating myself with coffee. I find that my feelings are more intense, when I don't drink coffee. I'm wondering if that's a good thing. I've found that I've had more of a creative edge, since I've stopped drinking coffee. My emotions have felt more natural to me, since I've cut out the coffee. I feel that same connection to the Routemaster that I've felt on that cold December morning of Saturday, December 10th, 2005. I feel the need to stand up for my Buses and to say, "Don't you be sarcastic towards my Routemasters, or else you will never hear from me, again!" I find myself saying that to many non aspies, in my Mind's Eye. As far as I'm concerned, my family members can be as cold as they wish. The staff at the Clubhouse can be as stupid as they wish. I only talk to the members at the Club, since that day in September. They are the only people in my life who know what the Routemaster means to me. The rest of the people in my life, away from WP don't need to know what goes on in my Mind. Believe me, I know a lot of people.
10 Nov 2006, 6:36 am
