Dude, I know you're feeling some rather intense frustration, and don't we all when it comes to romance! But the suicide thing? Come on. That's a pretty horrible way to express that frustration, as bad as it feels. Plenty of people here are living with that same awful frustration, and believe me, people here understand. You don't have to bring up suicide in order to get people to understand how much you're hurting. Not here you don't.
A lot of us really do know what you're going through. We've been through it, or we're going through it ourselves. I think you know there's no simple answer to this problem. If there were, it would probably be in bold type on the WrongPlanet home page. For my part, I'll just echo what others have said because it's so true. Stop looking. Laugh! Enjoy yourself! Do what you love doing! (Whatever that is, it will put you closer to people who also love something that you love.) That's the kind of stuff that looks really attractive to potential romantic partners.
When I got married (and was therefore no longer looking), I swear to you, women came out of the woodwork and started hitting on me for the first time in my life! And now I'm not interested in a relationship either, and it's happening again! If you can't genuinely be not interested, maybe pretending might help. Play hard-to-get. Be aloof. A lot of us aspies use acting skills for everyday communication to pretend we're NT. Acting like you're hard-to-get is kinda the same thing.
You're young and good looking. It'll happen. A lot of attractive women might come and go before one tries to reel you in, but you have to trust that 1) you can do just fine without a woman, and 2) it will happen for you, maybe not on your schedule, but it'll happen.
Enough with the suicide talk, ok? That's seriously scary stuff, and if you're serious about it, call 911 (or 999 in the UK, or whatever the emergency number is). It's scary for people in this forum to read about it, and it's hard for people (like me) who actually have lost a loved one to suicide. It's a shock to my system whenever I see that word when I'm not expecting it. You have no idea what suicide does to other people. Nothing is ever the same. It's nothing like simply losing a loved one to an accident, disease, or even homicide.
My girlfriend Sydney killed herself on January 18, 2008. Her family reacted rather negatively. They refused to have a funeral for her. Can you imagine why? They had her body cremated and buried several months later - without inviting me or anyone else. They didn't want to deal with awkward questions. Her mom is convinced it was an accident. Do you see how messed-up her suicide made her mom? Can you imagine a mom not wanting to have a funeral for her only child? A mom who can't accept the reality that her daughter killed herself? A mom who's that scared of having her delusion shattered? She wouldn't have a funeral or any celebration of Sydney's life because she needed to desperately cling to the delusion that her daughter died in some other way - ANY other way! That's pretty screwed up, and it's all thanks to suicide, the easy way out for people who don't care how many other lives they screw up permanently.
When Sydney killed herself, I couldn't even tell anyone in my family for a month. I didn't know how. Was I supposed to just call everyone and say she killed herself? People don't think about stuff like that until it happens to them. I was teaching at the time. I couldn't tell my students. They all paid over $180,000 in tuition to learn from me, not to hear about my personal problems. I couldn't tell my boss or my coworkers. I didn't want them all worried about me, and I didn't want them to get all quiet and somber when I was around. That would just have been a constant reminder that she killed herself! I didn't want that, but I needed to talk about it with someone. Do you see how crazy this can be? I don't think Sydney thought about any of this stuff before she killed herself. I don't think she thought about how close she pushed me to taking my own life either. I was hospitalized twice during the semester following her suicide, and I lost my job teaching at a highly ranked private college as a result. I haven't been able to work since because her suicide so badly aggravated my depression.
Think of all the unanswered questions suicide leaves people with. (Don't talk to me about suicide notes answering those questions either - you can never tell if what's written in them is true. It's only what the dead person wants other people to think, and that's not always the truth.) Think of the power the mere mention of that word has to freak people out who have been through it. Your mere mention of it drove me to spend over an hour of my time writing this note as a way of calming myself down when I should be sleeping, hoping at least to do some good with the things I learned. If you ever do kill yourself, you need to know what you're doing to anyone who knows you, even if they aren't exactly a "loved one."
I think you're in a lot of pain and some pretty deep frustration, but I don't get the impression that you really want to kill yourself. If I'm right about that, please try to find other ways of expressing your pain. If I'm wrong about that, then you need to call emergency services. Wanting to kill yourself is not a natural response to pain. It's a sign of something physically wrong that can be treated. And FFS take care of yourself!! !
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I do not look like a homeless panhandler! I look just the way nature made me -- like a rock star! Can I help it if homeless panhandlers and rock stars look similar to you?
23 Mar 2012, 4:12 am
Besides, how many people in a relationship / marriage are truly happy? One in ten? One in twenty? Whatever their number is, I bet there are far less happy couples than married or otherwise partnered people who feel bloody miserable. Finding a partner is no guarantee for happiness. It can add a whole new set of problems and challenges to your life, especially after the initial infatuation and excitement wears off and you're stuck with a nagging spouse, one or more ungrateful kids, and a lifetime of debt and bills.
