Do you NOT have support?
I've read some Asperger's books lately and they've mention having support from family and friends on there Aspie quirks and having people who understand them as being themselves. In my case I don't have that with my family and outside of 2 friends I met on WP I don't have any friends on my college campus. I have some Aspie quirk and I get snapped at for being clumsy WATCH WHERE YOU ARE GOING?! Or I need to "GROW UP!" etc. Obsessive interests are worse "OMG! THAT'S NOT NORMAL!" If I was to get invested into something for hours. Can anyone relate? and if so how do you deal with it? Thanks!
I'm new here and hope I don't say something wrong when I talk to members here that have so many posts. But anyway, I can relate to you in a certain way. I do have support from my family though I have few friends. However, there are things about me I don't reveal to my family so they can't support me on those needs. I don't think they'd understand those things about me. For that reason, I don't have support for those needs. I need support though. And it sounds like you need support too. At least people say things to you, I often feel invisible. I don't know which is better or worse. In my case no one seems to take me seriously. And they often don't listen to me. Obsessive interests, yeah that's me too. I just do my own thing anymore and try not to care what others think about me.
I don't think I've offered any help. Sorry. I'm going through a rough time in my life right now. But I truly want to help people with their needs when they need help. I just don't really know how to help except to say I'm sorry you feel that way and hope things get better. I'm still trying to find myself in life. I turned 18 last month and thought things would change. I'm still searching.
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Barefoot boy, with cheek of tan!"
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I'm 26 and still searching. I hope to find more supportive people in the future whenever that may be. Not having much support from family is devastating and hurtful to me though. It makes me want to crawl into a shell and hide. I also then feel bad and replay "why did I do X" Darn it!
I think in my adulthood I do not have a lot of support from family. Coworkers do not try understand either. I think if I was "blind" or "deaf" it would be easier for them to comprehend my own differences.
Having stated that though, I try to "push" away others negative criticisms by others. I usually find these are peoples with an axe to grind anyway. I try to the following to put things in perspective:
> I give myself permission not to be "perfect".
> I try to realize it is [u]ok to make mistakes[/u]
> Beforehand try to think of a come back which "may" shut them up, ie if you have a new interest and they get critical tell them you are studying it for school or tell them it is like xxxx (place holder) to their own interest which they appear to obsess a bit over.
> When I am feeling particularly stressed due to others criticisms, I try to meditate or exercise or read.
> I "try" not to dwell on social situations too much. I think people like us can tend to obsess over "did I do this right " or "did I do that wrong" etc. I notice people with socially normal aptitudes do not do this a lot. I guess I try to take a note from them.
> Frankly, people can be just jerks at times, its not you.
>I realized that I doubt my own beliefs a lot when others are being critical. I realized that this "doubt" is due to the Asperger’s itself and nothing to do with what I did or said. I guess this realization helps.
> Pursue your interests which give you joy and self - confidence. In that vein, learn new interests
> Realize it ok to have a few good friends in life.
But it is difficult being different and walking a different road. If you can find an Aspies group near you, this may help or another special interests group. If you feel more comfortable chatting on the internet that too can help you socialize and find support. Some college campuses have a club for people with disabilities. I joined one when I was in college. It had a supportive atmosphere.
Well I told my mum that I might have Asperger's Syndrome and she's okay with that but honestly, she hasn't been supportive of me in ages. She's so depressed right now though so that's probably the reason why. I have to figure out everything by myself which is understandable considering my age but with by disabilities and all sometimes I just wish my mum could be a little more concerned and tuned in with me.
> I "try" not to dwell on social situations too much. I think people like us can tend to obsess over "did I do this right " or "did I do that wrong" etc. I notice people with socially normal aptitudes do not do this a lot. I guess I try to take a note from them.
>I realized that I doubt my own beliefs a lot when others are being critical. I realized that this "doubt" is due to the Asperger’s itself and nothing to do with what I did or said. I guess this realization helps.
.
I am constantly second guessing myself in social situations because I always feel like I'm doing something wrong, I just don't know what. I vacillate between worrying too much about it, and just not giving a flying f-- . Trying to find some middle gears is a continuing work in progress.
Kjas
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Joined: 26 Feb 2012
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 6,059
Location: the place I'm from doesn't exist anymore
Sometimes people, particularly colleagues and sometimes family, are not going to support you.
I don't have any support per say, absolutely none. So you're not alone in that way.
The only thing you can do is make sure that you support yourself. In the sense of social needs that won't always be possible, but there are plenty of things you can to make your life easier. Engage in your interest as much as you feel you need to, keep things handy in your bag or your car for when you start to get overwhelmed, and those sorts of things.
Although we need support, sometimes what we crave is acceptance. You're better off giving it to yourself than waiting for others to give it to you. You might find people who are accepting of you and will support you but you can't expect it.
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Diagnostic Tools and Resources for Women with AS: http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt211004.html
I've tried to get professional support in college but the people there were very incompetent. I guess I expected more from a university but then most of the psychiatrists are students themselves.
Since then, I've lost the ability to trust professionals but truth be told I know what my problems are and how to fix them. I just don't care to.
I have the support of one friend. She actually listens to me about being an aspie and understands why I am the way I am. My parents support is pretty much financial. They don't understand autism and they won't read any of the information I have on it. My fiancee doesn't even support me very much and it breaks my heart. She won't educate herself on my condition and just goes by what others say about the condition. Needless to say, I feel pretty alone in this.
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Radda Radda
Sweetleaf
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Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 34,964
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I have a little support....some family members actually are more understanding though even with them I still can only get along with them so long before we either end up getting into arguments or I feel like I should get away for a while before anything has a chance to escalate into anything. One close friend a few aquantinces......and then there's always drugs and rock & roll......lol I really need to come up with something to put in place of sex which I excluded from that common phrase as I'm asexual and sex does not make me feel better.
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We won't go back.
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