Everything has lost its shine.

Post Reply New Topic

Self diagnosed about two years ago. 6yo son has been diagnosed. Struggled with depression since I was 9, I'm now 40. Spent the last 16 years on anti-depressants and recently went off Effexor. 4 months without it. Nothing excites me anymore. I used to be able to lose myself in movies/music/games/sculpting/baking. Everything seems like a grim reminder of the backwards society we've allowed to happen while we were sleeping. I want to be able to wake up and not have that hot ball of fire rocking my insides. I don't know what to do anymore as most of my spare time is spent convincing myself to snap out of it. Most of my friends are done with me, my family just wants me to get over it. My wife and kids are very supportive but I can't open my brain up to them because I'm afraid they'll leave too. I came here to seek out like-minded individuals who might be able to share what they've learned.

That's almost my story. Self diagnosed 2 years ago ( yesterday had my first formal diagnosis interview), another family member has stronger symptoms than me. Depressed since age 9. Maybe there's something about age 9? Now 43. Divorced 5 years ago.


That's me! I spent my life trying to find answers to society's problems, and when I finally found a workable solution the most depressing thing is that people are just not interested. It's a NT thing I think. What we mistake for a love of knowledge (universities, think tanks, political groups, etc.) are just a way for NTs to socialize. Which is obvious when you think about it: everything a university teaches is free in libraries (and now on the Net) but people pay thousands for the social experience and to make social connections. Similarly, if political groups really wanted to make the world better they would talk to their enemies and listen carefully, as their enemies are more likely to spot any flaws in their arguments. But instead each side treats the other as evil, because it's really just a competition. But I'm derailing your thread. Sorry.



This is where I am luckier than most. Although my family do not understand, their love is unconditional and that is VERY rare. And one person, my youngest daughter, genuinely wants to understand. But understanding is not really the answer (though it helps). The answer, I think, is to know that others are happier because you exist. That is really hard to achieve.

In my own case, it is a simple matter of accounting. (Simple in theory, not in practice). I needed to stop costing people more than I gave. For the last ten years I saw no way out, and getting out of bed each day was hard work. But five years ago I made a major decision (divorce), a few months ago I started to seriously re-evaluate my life goals (what I was doing simply was not working), and last week I got a chance to start again (an apartment near the store where I stack shelves). My solution is to downsize and simplify, and for the first time in ten years I think have a practical scheme that will actually work. Without any need for blind optimism.

First, fie years ago I got divorced (after 19 years) because it was clear that being with me made my wife unhappy. I did not want to, but anything was better than feeling that I made her life worse. Now that she does not live with me she is genuinely happy to see me. I miss having her around, but that side of life is much, much healthier and happier now. We can now be good friends (she is there when I visit the children). I am not saying you have to divorce, my case was unusual because we got married for the wrong reasons, but I am just saying that is what it took to turn a big bad situation into a small good one.

Next I got my income sorted out. I earn a small fraction of the national average wage, but luckily my country (Britain) has a good benefit system, so I can live on it. The hardest part was accepting that this is all I will earn. For all my life I had much bigger plans, but those bigger plans never happened and it just added to my stress. I am now at peace with my small life.

Finally, and this is happening this week, I am moving out. This is so that my life becomes simpler and that I am in compete control of every part of it. So even though I have a tiny income and a tiny one-room apartment, I know that I am giving more than I take. (Even including benefits - long story). The people around me don't get much from me, but it IS a net benefit. I am a small net positive to all around me, and my future is secure.

Plus, my life is now so simple that I can afford some time to continue working on my dream plans, but this time I do not have to rely on them bringing in money in any particular time. I can just do them to give myself hope, and self esteem. they are my art. I see myself as like Van Gogh. he was difficult to live with, and suffered from depression and relied on his brother to support him, but he had a simple life and he knew that his art was good and that is all that matters. Our special interests are our own kind of art.

tl;dr: simplify life, downsize, until you know that you give more than you take, then focus on your passions, but only as art, do not expect any physical reward, just know that what you are doing is right.

This is what I hope will work for me. But nobody is like me, so I cannot pretend it is good advice for anyone else.

Sound like getting off Effexor allowed depression to come back.