I don't want to hurt people, but I do.

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I'm going on a trip soon. I'm 24 and I live with my parents. They were encouraging me, and being happy for me, and then they started making suggestions all over the place on what I should bring. I already had my list written and was going through it systematically, crossing things off. It was just suggestion after suggestion from my mom, and I started getting snappy. It was too much information and I guess that's the only way I could communicate it - defensively/shutting down.

She got upset. She accused me of acting like a teenager when she was only trying to encourage and help. I tried to explain that it was too much information and I couldn't take it in, and that I had things under control. She got all sad and wouldn't look at me. She told me that "I know that's just the way you are, but when you respond that way, it impacts people."

Maybe she's right. I feel like a s**t. I didn't know how to respond. Maybe I am ungrateful. Maybe I take everything for granted. Maybe I'm a spoiled brat. I just hate myself right now. How many people do I negatively impact on a daily basis? Maybe I should just become a shut-in.

I just feel really awful and stressed about my trip and could use some advice.

Yeah that can be quite painful....I hate when I end up snapping at people or coming off as rude because of my internal issues. I mean in my case especially with having PTSD I can only handle being around people even the ones close to me so much even more so then just the issues caused by having AS. Otherwise I end up snapping on them but I feel bad for avoiding them to.

I end up feeling misunderstood, but then when I really think about it I don't want them to understand because its horrible to experiance. I mean it just sucks to hurt people when its the last thing you want to do.....so i can understand that. I can't say I have a solution for it unfortunatly.

Thanks. It's enough just to know that I'm not alone

No offense to your mom, but she sounds really sensitive. I have four kids, three teens and an adult, and if one of them snaps at me - which frequently happens but it's always a different kid - I just tell them to chill and then go on about my business, or if they have done it repeatedly I'll say "Whatever" and walk off. When they have calmed down they come back and tell me and we pick up where we left off, no hard feelings. I snap at people to and then apologize.

I think maybe the way your mother reacts is causing more guilt in you than you need. We mothers have a huge ability to instill guilt in our kids and we need to make sure that we don't do it unless we mean to, like when they should feel guilt.

The advice I would give you is to try to keep information to your mother on a "need to know" basis. If she offers help with something that you can do yourself just smile and say "I got it, but thanks" like you mean it. If she persists tell her that no really, you have it under control. If she keeps on then tell her you will do it/talk about it/fix it, etc another time and walk away.

Many times parents who do that kind of thing are overprotective and tend to hover. They won't stop until they simply can't do it anymore because it's not possible. You have to play defense on this one and while being nice to your mom, keep her at arms length without seeming to. Make it seem like you are giving her more information than you really are. If you spend a lot of time with her, cut it down some but don't cut her out.

Good luck and I hope you have a nice trip!

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Mom thinks you are still 12.

I think you get to decide what you bring on a trip. I supposed you could co-opt your Mom and say, "OH THANKS for mentioning that" and then go about your business.

No offense to your Mom, as OliveOilMom said, but your Mom is being over protective, you could argue with her and say, what is the worst thing that could happen if I don't have this (insert item) with me on this trip? You'd have to go buy it where ever you are....

I can totally relate to your Mom but really, you decide what you bring...and if you miss packing something important for said trip, you will never forget to pack it again. Natural consequences and all that...

Or just say, 'what a great idea' and go on with your packing....

Bon Voyage!

Have her make a list--on paper, so you can compare it with your list. That way you will have her input without the stress and guilt trip. It will make her feel better knowing that you are benefiting from her input, but she won't be right in your face with constant verbal pushing to do stuff her way.

I do understand. I am in my early 50s and live alone, but my mid 80s father still drives me nuts over every little thing. I am not the best house keeper, and not the best at going to the docs for every little thing, and my father is always at me about everything when he is here, or I am there, or we talk on the phone. Fortunately, I live alone, and half the year he is in Florida, so he can't stop by then. And, I don't have long distance service, so I can't call him when he is in Florida. Because of health problems I usually can't get to the phone in time to pick up when he does call from there. Also, I don't often visit him when he is back up here for the summer. I don't have to--he comes here at least once a week to drop off his garbage, and see if I need any help with anything.

As for the garbage, where he lives up here, they don't collect garbage, you have to drop it off at the town dump, and pay a fee. At my trailer park, they do collect garbage, and the price is included in the lot fee. My father owns the trailer--I pay rent, so it makes sense for him to throw his garbage out in my cans. Since I live alone, I don't have much of my own garbage any way.

I am sorry I can't help you more with your problems with your hovering mom, but if I had that kind of help to offer, I would be able to use it with my father.

I totally understand. I often say things in a snappy way when I'm irritated/angry/stressed etc, even if I don't mean to do it. Sometimes I feel like I should just keep my mouth shut all the time so that I don't hurt people

*Edit*

I just re-read this. Somehow I had missed the part of you snapping at her... One thing maybe you can work on is when you feel you're about to snap, try to compose yourself for a moment to explain how you feel. If you do so, and she still does not leave you alone, then that's her fault.

In any case, we all lose control of our emotions sometimes, so don't feel bad. Just take this as a learning experience.