Aspergers and Suicide

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Is it true what they say about people with Aspergers and suicide rates? I know that I'm eternally suicidal and the only things keeping me alive are my meds (when they work on occasion), the fact that I'm too much of a wimp to end my life on my own, and the fact that I couldn't do it to my parents and brother anyway.

But as far as life, if there were a way to undo my birth...prevent my parents from meeting, I would do it in a heartbeat...and it seems a lot of Aspies are also suicidal. What gives?

Suicide seems to occur when a person decides there is nothing left to live for. Having a future and a feasible direction is the best way to avoid thoughts of suicide. Because it is difficult for people with Asperger's to adjust socially, it is often difficult to come up with a direction to move in, because all directions require good social skills in the field of choice. So it depends on where you are going at the moment given your current skill set and attitude towards your future. Different people have different skills and different interests and different directions to go along with different contexts, such as family, country, and possible job opportunities or social gatherings and whatnot. Also, people on the spectrum tend to consider all options, which might be why suicide is considered but not gone through with.

I have no interests besides travelling (which costs money that I will never have...even when I've worked jobs, they've paid very little) and having sex with beautiful women...and since both of those are virtually unattainable, I have no practical goals...no interests...nothing that I want to accomplish. There's no dream job...if it were up to me, I'd be living in the country somewhere with the woman of my dreams, away from everything except beautiful mother nature. But the odds of finding a woman that wants that (and no kids to boot) is slim to none. We'd be two misanthropes that just live for each other.

So how is it that your only interests are things you've never done? I tend to be interested in things because I've done then and I like them. I might fantasize about things i haven't done yet but would like to do, but that's not the same as interests. So what are you interested in? Me personally, I'm not interested in anything in and of itself. It's the context that makes me interested. For example, I like ice cream, but I don't like ice cream after having eaten an apple. I tend to be interested in tennis, walking in the city, human behavior and psychology, stand up comedy, pro wrestling, video game history, and 80's hair metal. Other former special interests include chess, history of nations and anything in history class, video games, nutrition and foods, baseball and baseball history, and playing basketball. Of course, all these depend on the context and what mood I'm in. I'm not always funny, and I'm not always energetic enough to play tennis or basketball. So what are your interests? I'm not asking what you are interested in one day doing, I'm asking what your interests are.

I went to Virginia Beach and Orlando for 2 weeks last June (2010) and had the time of my life. Just seeing that there are different areas other than where I live, and meeting friendly people, experiencing new areas, there was nothing like it.

I also went on a road trip with my father ten years ago after high school graduation and saw the depository building where JFK got shot, Graceland, and went to Nashville among other places.

It just gives me a high that nothing else gives me.

As for sex...haven't had vaginal intercourse, but have fooled around with a beautiful woman (everything but sex, including oral) and just made me want more of it. Even if the vaginal intercourse itself turns out to be no big deal...there's nothing like being in bed naked with a beautiful woman that isn't being paid to be there with you and actually wants to be there. There's also nothing like the taste of a woman's breath, the feel of a woman's breasts and her body in general.

My other special interests are baseball cards, movies, and old tv shows, but all 3 can get old as they are vicarious.

The women and travelling stuff doesn't even interest me that much anymore either. I just wish I could go to sleep and never wake up. This isn't an attention-getting thing either. It's how I really feel. I can't ever remember a time I ever wanted to live. I was truly born on the wrong planet. I get no enjoyment out of anything other than counting down the days until the apocalypse.

I know the feeling you describe with the woman. I like that too, but it isn't the bane of my existence, so that intoxicating feeling doesn't stay forever, and I move on. Sure, I might think about her for two weeks or something, but I move on. I usually just enjoy spending time with her, whether she is naked or not. In fact, I'd rather be out exploring with her (obviously with our clothes on) seeing what's out there. The high that nothing else gives me comes from learning something new about people and why they behave the way they do. I always need more of that feeling, because it drives me nuts. It's like that Arnold Schwarzenegger video where he says that weightlifting is like cumming, only for me it's not weightlifting. I used to collect baseball cards too, I totally forgot about that. I have a whole bunch of old cards and old coins from 30 different countries. Some of those cards are worth hundreds of dollars, and some of the coins are probably worth hundreds as well.

It seems like the ultimate question is this: If the possibility of going on another road trip and fooling around with women is not enough to live for, then what is? No matter how depressed I've ever gotten, I always relearn the same lesson, which is that tomorrow is another day. Every time man, every freakin time I totally forget why tomorrow is another day, and each time I'm reminded of the lesson, and I can write this and still think it's going to be different next time, but tomorrow is always another day, and another high. I've found that I need to accept the lows to be around for the highs. I think the highs are worth it. Surely the highs you describe are worth it as well.

It just seems neither the traveling or women stuff is going to happen anytime soon. I'm picky about what women I'm attracted to (I'd take a lesser attractive looking woman that *I* was attracted to over a "hotter" woman...so it's not like I'm looking for the conventionally "hottest" girl)...but I'm rarely attracted....so when I am attracted, it's a high...but it's also rare that I'm attracted in the first place, and the girl likes me back. The traveling...let's say I wanted to go on a weekend getaway, we're talking at least 1,500 for two people (me and whoever I choose to go with) and that's 750 dollars I don't have as I'm on social security disability.

The baseball cards...when you get one, the newness fades and you want another one and it becomes an unhealthy obsession.

The TV shows/movies...most of them I watch are for women related purposes or martial arts/action purposes...in which case I get jealous of the male stars and wish I looked like them or wish I was dating/sleeping with the women on the show/movie.

I exercise but have an ugly face, or at least most women find it ugly.

I think you are slanting your view right now because you are depressed. I'm picky too with women (pickier than you, I can guarantee you. Would you ever say that 1% of people are worth your time? Yet I've found more than one, possibly because I've met more than 100 people in my life) and they don't always like me back either. As for traveling, does it have to be so expensive? Can't it just be for a day? Take the mass transit to and back? I've done that. You can come up with every reason that such and such isn't good enough, but so can I for the things in my life. The scouting report on Michael Jordan in 1984 was that he couldn't shoot. Sure, if you look for negatives, you will find them. Everyone will if they look. Stephen Hawking could say "I'm a loserdorknerd in a wheelchair who likes black holes. I must be gay" Do you want your life to get better? I can't answer that for you, nor do I mean it as a rhetorical question. But I can try to get you to think. If you are implying that you want to commit suicide, well, it's your life. But don't arbitrarily try and convince yourself you have nothing to live for if that's not the case.

I have been suicidal more than once....though I don't know that I am too much of a 'wimp' to end it or if thoughts of the people who care would prevent it. So that is a scary thought....I would just hope if it gets to that point again I can force myself to tell one of those people or worst case senerio call 911 on myself. But I also have Major Depression, PTSD and have always had a bit of anxiety issues so it is not just the AS.

Its not so much that I think death is any better.....its just sometimes things are so painful, its unbearable so it feels like the only option. Too be honest a combination of music and cannabis has saved me in the past....like when I was staying out in minnesota with some family I was at the house alone and feeling very depressed and the rifle in the corner started looking quite tempting(my family out there are backwoods type people so that is not uncommon there). And I knew where the bullets were because I had participated in shooting targets. So I smoked some cannabis turned on the radio and listened to the classic rock station and it proved to be a better alternative. That would not help everyone so I am not advocating it or anything but it is what has helped me a lot of times.

The only thing that helps me is sleeping, and luckily the cocktail of meds I'm on make me quite tired to begin with and if I take a little extra I can sleep just about all day and night if I choose to.

That does not seem like the best method......too much sleep can actually increase depression. Not trying to be critical or anything but I would recomend you maybe try to find a better way of dealing with it are there any activities you enjoy at all? or maybe therapy would help. a lot of things are easier said then done though so I know it can be hard to try and change things at all.

Even when I'm "less miserable" it's because i've mastered the art of escapism (watching a movie/tv show, listening to music, imagining fantasies in my head.) Any time I'm actually out in the world, I'm instantly brought to the level I was at yesterday and the day before. If I had to deal with the "real world" I would have surely ended my life. I have no stress capacity/adult life skills whatsoever.

The only thing keeping me alive is that I have two parents that care a lot, not just because they're my parents, but because they actually care, and a brother a year younger than me who is basically me without the aspergers and extreme depression/mania et al. And the fact that when I'm in a decent enough mood, I can retreat to that fantasy world, whether in a movie, tv show, music, or in my head.

What is the best way to help or get help for an Aspie teen who feels suicidal?

That's kind of a hard one, it can vary depending on the individual situation, I have some ideas but id need more information to know what to suggest.

I always wonder if my parents had made me on the night before or after the night they actually did, would I still have been born with this cruel s**t? Would a different sperm have reached the egg if the sex was done on a different night, and made me NT like everybody else in my family? Am I just barely Aspie?

Makes me so angry. You know, I'm scared to think about this too much, otherwise I will be ill.

I WANT TO BE NEUROTYPICAL. WHY ME, LORD, WHY ME?! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!