invasion of privacy

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I majorly shut down this morning. I've found this happens most frequently the day after I am exposed to a lot of stimuli. Last Sunday I shut down right before the service started at church and spent the rest of the time there outside on a bench with my fiance- who is usually extremely supportive and understanding about whatever is going on with my neurology. The reason for it last week was, I'm assuming, because my bridal shower (which was huge and really kind, and I'm grateful for it, don't get me wrong) was the day before. After all that interaction and extreme consciousness of myself and my behavior and observation, blah blah blah.. i just couldn't take the social interaction at church the next day.

So this morning I shut down again. I couldn't find the dress I wanted to wear and it sent me into a major tailspin. Called the fiance, he was just really upset that I said I wasn't coming with him, fast forward to five minutes ago...

He pocket dialed me. I very explicitly told him earlier this morning that I did not want anyone to know what I was going through, that I felt guilty and ashamed and it was very important to me to just be perceived as "normal" by everyone else....

He just pocket dialed me and I overheard a whole conversation that he was having with an unknown person at the church. About me. About how I shut down when I'm exposed to to much stimuli. About where I was this morning and what happened.

I am freaking out. I don't really have the words.. just.. help? Anyone? Has this happened to anyone? What do I do? What do I say? I listened for about 5 minutes.. enough to know what the gist of the conversation was about, and then I hung up... I feel exposed, angry.. do I confront him? I'm sure he would say his intention was to get advice or have someone help me or something like that but I don't want any of that and I just feel like it is a major invasion of privacy and a violation of my trust.

What to do?

Who is more chomping-at-the-bit to get married? You or him? (I'm assuming it's a him) You may want to deeply examine the situation. If he's the one pushing for the wedding, there may be some kind of agenda, or that may be me remembering where being naive and vulnerable got me, but at this particular development, guard your heart. Especially if there's any inclination that being married validates you. I can't give all my thoughts at the moment but hope that gives you something to work with

Agenda? Like what?

We both want to get married, the wedding is in 3 weeks...

I didn't think this situation had anything to do with the impending marriage, specifically- am I just missing something completely??

I can understand why you are feeling the way you do but if you can, try not to panic completely. You've had a lot to cope with in the run up to your wedding, even an NT person would feel overwhelmed.

If your fiancé treats you well and is understanding generally (I'm presuming that you wouldn't want to marry him if that wasn't the case) then I'm sure he did what he did with the best possible motives. He probably just wanted the other person to understand what you go through so they didn't think badly of you or misunderstood the situation. Something similar happened to me and I was livid and very, very hurt and even though I understood that the person meant well that didn't lessen how I felt.

I think you should speak to your fiancé - it doesn't seem a good idea to go into the start of married life with things left unsaid about something so important. Explain to him that you feel betrayed and hurt, and ask him to explain why he decided to do what he did. Perhaps he has failed to understand how strongly you feel about this? Even if there is no explanation that will satisfy you, having an apology from him and a better understanding of how you both see the situation is surely better than you going into married life with a feeling of resentment and betrayal.

In my past I've trusted the wrong people too much, in that they would pretend to be supportive and gain my confidence only to have them steal, lie and manipulate. To draw one instance close to the topic; my own would-have-been marriage stemmed from the entire relationship having been orchestrated by someone who was married to my mother and left to involve himself in criminal activities, of which he was a supplier to my former fiancee. To her I was nothing more than another rung on a stepladder. On this side of the heartache I can thank my Aspie smothering traits that she became so worn out from me insisting on spending every waking moment with her, keeping her away from her drug of choice, unbeknownst to me until she bailed and suddenly Mr. Ex-stepdad waltzes back into the house and says 'sorry about your gf' How could he have known that if noone maintained contact with him?

NOW, I can reasonably ASsume neither you or HTB are anywhere near that end of the pond, being what I consider to be fellow believers and pretty active in church. All good. My intention was to make you aware, not scared. I've seen too many movies and read too many books where the plan is to get married as quickly as possible in order to victimize the protagonist; take all their money, abuse them, have them killed or commited, in any combination.

OK: if it was me that was in this scenario, I would probably not be 'I heard what you said" but rather say 'did you know earlier when you were at church your phone misdialed and you went live?' Maybe stick to the facts as a good Aspie. But that way you're just letting him know what happened and not obsessing that something might sound accusatory. Part of our lesson this week was 1 Cor 13; the "Love is.." chapter. In our notes there was a fill-in-the-blank that says 'love protects' and the counterpart to that is that love doesn't leave people vulnerable. Hopefully if your church is like mine they DO NOT engage in gossip, so the thing being if that's who BF was talking to in the room, it should end right there naturally. I'm gonna guess if he totally 'gets' you then he's definitely 'protecting' you to other parties, and God help the man who slags his missus

It is a violation of trust, you have to deal with it, or it's going to just haunt you and ruin things. You told him something in confidence, and he broke it. You can't really ignore it, or the confidentiality will just stay broken, you'll find yourself not trusting him as much as you should be able to.

I think his intentions were probably well-meaning. I imagine he was just trying to make sure everything would be as smooth and comfortable for you as possible. But he's got to be responsible/accountable for his actions nonetheless. I'd probably deal with something like this by recognizing the good intent, explaining why it was wrong, and then finish by confirming that he understands how confidentiality works.

I don't know how I would handle the wedding ... if it was anything less, I'd just bail.