Dramma kings/queens

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How do you deal with these people???

It seems like no matter the approach, they NEED their meltdown and to blame YOU specifically.. or some other happless victom...

You know... everything is fine..... they aren't getting the attention they need 24/7, so if someone needs some quite time around them or a break from their whining and complaining, when they aren't ready, they start a poor me, victom fight, out of the blue, flip out, and then blame someone else for their behavior??

Sooooooooo annoying.... so annoying in fact that I pretty much sit with my mouth closed now because I just don't care anymore...

I realized no matter how you cater to them, they will find a way to make others their criminals, and themselves a victom.

Absolutly NO boundaries for others whatsoever.... ( how dare you be tired, or injured, or pay attention to someone else, or God forbid have your OWN needs!! !! Bad! )

How do we deal with them without being in their pathway?

Avoid them like the plague.

Refuse to acknowledge they even exist--pretend they are invisible and/or that you are deaf in their presence.

Do NOT give them the attention they seek. Eventually, they will give up and look elsewhere.

Yes, they can be very annoying. My younger brother's former girl friend was a drama queen. She was actually not such a bad person part of the time, but all too much of the time she was very needy, and she did drive my brother crazy. They moved to a town near where my mother and I were living after they found out they were going to have a baby. My brother got a job just down the road from where we were living. GF couldn't stand to be alone out in that rural town, so she pestered him to get her a dog. He got the dog, and it turned out what she really wanted was human company, so she ignored the dog. Instead GF would pester him to drop her off at our place for the day, so we would have to change our plans and entertain her. If my brother didn't drop her off at our place, she would call us to come over and visit her for much of the day. We would get there and the dog thought we were coming to see him. She really didn't pay him any attention, so he was always thrilled to see us. At least when my brother dropped her off at our place, he also brought the dog, too, so the dog would get some needed attention. When they finally broke up, her parents got the baby, and my mother and I got the dog. He was a really nice border collie/lab cross.

I've known other drama queens over the years. They do have a tendency to drive other people crazy. And it's always about ME! ME! ME!, with them.

They avoid ME like the plague. Somehow I have a really good intuitive sense of weaknesses in people's identity/ego, and possess few myself since I've long since quit caring. Most of the time, I take very great care to respect people's fragility. There are those who are inscrutable to me (which I honestly find quite intimidating), but drama kings/queens are definately not. I initially deal with them by revealing a quick glimpse of my inner nature. Most of them back off - instantly. Those that don't, get to meet what I'm like when the safeties are disengaged, and I just relax and let Laconic Ruthless Observer out to toy with them. Generally I do not have much trouble getting them to hang themselves in a most humiliating manner with their own words. No more than a nudge here and there is required.

Back before I became an almost complete recluse, this sort would maneuver against me from a distance, politicking in a sort of guerrilla style. I had precious little defence against this. One thing about realizing the fragility of people is that you can address their weaknesses, help them feel better about themselves. Done subtly, this can win you allies (though its not enough to build relationships with people). I also cultivated a reputation of probity. I built these defences as best I could ahead of time, and just bore whatever damage came my way. Sometimes they'd smash themselves to bits on these defences, other times they would penetrate them and do damage, but I just had to sit back and hope for the best - it takes a great deal of time to build such defences, too long to be able to do so as a reaction to attack.

When people realize you can see right through them, many run--quickly.

Heh. Can't blame them. I do. My boss at work is completely inscrutable to me, yet seems to understand me fairly well. He seems to be a decent fellow but it's still very intimidating.

What are your techniques?? Do you have some examples??

I would love to elp without enabling, and care again on some level... I have never felt so indifferent to someone I used to care about.... It makes me feel bad..

I can't stand them and my cousin is a drama queen. I don't hang out with her all day anymore and I remind myself to never take her on a trip with us. She increases my anxiety and she drains me. Plus she never seems to listen and she acts like a brick wall. I hate brick walls.

it is my neighbours booty call... he is soooo friggin insecure! he is worse than an overbearing boyfriend.. :S

and do you notice they are a brick wall only if someone else wants to communicate in any way, but after ignoring and minimizing the needs so of others for hours, they are somehow a "poor me" victom yet again, when someone gives up trying to get their attention after a few hours??

Like somehow you are neglecting THEM, when you move on after hours of being ignored...

We'd have to roleplay it out with someone who could mimic their personality to a high degree. It's also based on the person you're dealing with. Humans (this is easiest to understand if you slip into an alienated mindframe sometimes) generally let all their weaknesses hang right out - their points of pride ARE their weaknesses. Or to be more precise: points of pride/personal skills/developed behaviours are built to manage weaknesses (which can also be understood as cares).

Drama king/queen is not exactly what you might call highly personally developed, they're overgrown children at a very low state of personal development, using emotion to get their way and desperate for attention and emotional recognition - the drama is built to manage that. Very weak, very vulnerable individuals in reality. It's easy, to be cruel to them. You just don't recognize anything they're saying or doing or feeling as valid. "Why is this important?" is often a good question, nice followup is "I still don't see why that's important" (said with patient tolerance in the midst of some emotional tornado, this is more cruel than it sounds).

It sounds horrible, right? Be cruel, don't recognize their emotions as valid. You kind of have to get over that. If they're trying to hurt you or manipulate you, and they get away with this with people all the time, they're just going to keep doing it til they get stung. You're not going to stop them all by yourself but you can get them not to try it with you.



Completely natural, if you think about it. You're developing a way to manage the problem, and yes it sucks to be cruel/indifferent especially to such an underdeveloped, needy person. But ... people keep using a strategy til it stops working. You're not really being cruel if you stop enabling them, and that IS what you have to do.

yeah, on some level I feel sorry for them.... they have sucked all of the life (that was ever directed towards them) outta me, so now I have given up all together..... never bother inviting them over, asking them for movies or to do anything fun.... kind of have moved on without them, even though they are still right next door, it is like he is the invisible person.

Sad, because he wanted attention soooo badly, but by going about it in all the wrong ways for so long, now he gets no attention at all, because the mere thought of it is exhausting..

Oh well, my life goes on I guess.... can't help everybody.

Only if it doesn't cause them to get worse i.e they'll start yelling/hitting because they didn't get what they want.

Then get away from them. If they try to stop you, it's assault. If you have to take legal action, do so. I know that sounds harsh, but sometimes nothing else will get through to people like that.

I am just about to that point now... this person went away for 8 months, and my life started to get happy and shiny and functional again.

He has been back for a month and every day feels like the worst day of my life, worst than the one before it.

I told him this and he watches me shudder and cry, yet won't leave.... is soooo determined to stay.

Whenever he gets close to leaving it is a scary violent nightmare.

I am almost to the point where I am going to have to have some people come over to help me when he leaves because he acts all normalish when people are around.

I can't take any more of the dysfunction.

He sucks the life out of me and everything that brings me joy, and is pretty much obsessed with keeping me down and not letting me regain happiness in any way.

It is like he WANTS to be in his state of doom and gloom...

I have never seen a worse self proclaimed "victim" in my entire life....

He is "poor me" on every angle..... he pays no rent of bills, barley gets off his game, 24/7, and if I make a move to go do anything involving life and not sitting obediently in the room he becomes an outraged monster.

He sure knew how to talk the talk when he was gone, but he is worse now that ever.

How can someone say they love you, yet force you to stay with them KNOWING they make your life miserable???

Isn't that the OPPOSITE of love???

There you have it - as much as you can stand it yourself, having other parties present will make his comfort level drastically shift, at the very least there will be plenty of witnesses to catch him when he slips out of character. This may backfire though by his driving off all of your support with his doom and gloom. I have to ask though: if he doesn't contribute financially, doesn't contribute to your mental wellness, doesn't shut the game off and go help people in the community, and doesn't display the slightest inclinations of improving his situation - why IS he around? With me it would be a case of "fool me once; shame on you, fool me twice; shame on me" and you appear to have been fooled at least 3 times here. I commend you though for gathering up the quantity of people at your disposal to bolster your confidence, it's something I've often fantasized of to bounce the discontent back onto the oppressors in my life