I miss my mom

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I never thought I would post this. Growing up i took pride in being my own man and tried to think of myself as indepdendant.

but here i am today... 30 years old. And I miss my mom. she died when I was 24 and I feel i can finally say it now.

I miss coming home from school/work and coming home to a warm clean house with dinner ready and having someone to talk to who loves me unconditionally and genuinely cared about me. Since she passed I've been completely on my own and it's been a nightmare. I wake up in an empty home, go to bed alone, I get home from work and my place is messy, dirty, there's no love... no food... it's been over 5 years and it still feels like a post-apocalyptic movie sometimes. The friends and girlfriends i've tried to make have been pretty aweful ones where they end up using me for money or something else and then leave me and never talk to me again the minute I say something they don't like or do something they don't like... and then im back to myself again every single day, day in and day out.

I'm sorry for ranting... I got no one else and no where else to rant and i'm too tired and depressed right now to try and word this out more intelligently. Does anyone out there miss their moms too?

Hey, Jacob. My Mom's still alive, but your words touched me. Your Mom still loves you but can't do you materially. Every loving mom wants her children to thrive after she's gone. You know she wants you to take care of and love yourself. Tomorrow, do at least one good thing for yourself, just as she would have done for you. That's what she'd want for you.

You won't find healthy friends while you're forlorn and depressed. Clearly you have a job, so that area of your life is squared away. For now, why not start squaring away your home life. There are many single people taking care of ourselves, it's not just you. Do something to start taking better care of yourself, you deserve that care.

I am a mother of a young boy with Aspergers, recently diagnosed. There is something in your words that I found very moving - I often think what will become of my son once I am gone, how will he cope with life's challenges and day to day practicalities. I think Mountain Laurel makes a simple and very good point - your mother would want to see you loving yourself with the same devotion and nurture that she shared with you. This is of course, easier said than done, especially when you feel down and isolated.
It seems as though your environment is having a big impact on the way you feel. Take practical steps each day to help transform your environment. If you can, perhaps consider hiring someone to clean your place each week if you feel comfortable receiving that sort of help. Otherwise, spend a bit of time each day/week tackling a different room. Sometimes spring cleaning, throwing out old unwanted items and re-arranging your living space can do wonders for changing how you feel about a situation.
Another thing that may help is getting active - find some time to take a brisk walk somewhere beautiful, perhaps invite someone you feel comfortable with to accompany you. Stagnation is difficult to shift but once you get some momentum back in your life (physically, spatially . . .) you may find that other things will shift alongside your own personal changes.
I think what is significant and should not be overlooked is the fact that in making your post you are taking the first step. You are acknowledging the pain you feel regarding the loss of your mother, it seems as though this is not something that you have had the opportunity to talk about since she passed away. It is a courageous first step along the road to acceptance and transformation and I wish you a continuation of that same courage along your journey.

I'm really sorry, I think everyone is scared about having that happen. But I'm sure the previous posters are right. Parents want you to be happy forever. Talking with a professional can be helpful, but I dno't know if that's your thing.