I HATE having obsessions!

Post Reply New Topic

I've found that obsessions have gotten me into trouble since I started having them, which was around 13 years old, and now I feel so ashamed of myself because I just cannot seem to keep them under control. But because I'm anxious and sometimes depressed, I believe that my obsessions are one of the things that keep me going.

When I was at High School I had an obsession with these two people in their thirties who I wouldn't stop talking about at school, and soon everyone knew about it, even the teachers, and some used to worry about me, others used to criticise, some used to laugh and take the piss, and some got amusement out of it and thought I was rather interesting to be so obsessed with these two people (they were self-employed and so were well-known around the town where I lived and where my school was, so some children and some teachers knew of them). But I lost some friends over it, because I went on about my obsessions so much that they got fed up. All my family knew aswell, and even my little cousin (who was only 4 back then) said to my brother how annoying I was going on about them. So if a 4-year-old noticed then the obsession MUST of been severe!

I've learnt from that mistake, and I'm obsessed with new people now (which are bus-drivers), and I have new friends and new people in my life now and I haven't been talking non-stop about bus-drivers to anyone (other than close relatives). But, because I am obsessed, it is so tempting to just drop one or two hints that I like bus-drivers, and now all of my friends know about it, once again. I could kick myself for it. I used to put about them on Facebook, which is (I've guessed) why one of my friends isn't speaking to me any more (this is the only girl who I know now that knew me at school), so she's probably thinking, ''she still hasn't changed - she's onto somebody else now!'' And I've found out that I've been called weird by one of my other ''friends'' because of liking bus-drivers, and two or three of my other friends have smiled and said, ''you have a thing about bus-drivers, don't you?'' Even one of my friends snapped at me, ''why are you looking at the buses?!'' when I wasn't actually looking at the drivers, I was trying to see if someone who I didn't like was going to go into a shop before we were coming out of another. I had to explain that to her, but I still felt rather patronized afterwards. But even some of the passengers on the bus know I'm after one or two of the bus-drivers, and one of them have even reported one of them for talking to me, because she was concerned. And soon the bus-drivers themselves are going to find out how stupid I am over them. I already speak to a couple of them, (just friendly chitchat, nothing serious), but I am being careful not to show that I'm obsessed, and it's working.

But I feel I've made a complete f**k-up of my social life once again, and I think I have got a bad name for myself by my friends and the passengers. I haven't even been talking about them excessively, but something in my body language and the way I hint makes them guess, and I just have no idea how to stop myself. I hate myself for it. Why can't I just be the type of Aspie who gets obsessed with things like Star Trek or books or videogames, obsessions what doesn't involve people? It's when you start involving people in your obsessions is when you start making a fool of yourself and getting rejected and thought of differently. What is the matter with me?

I just wish I could move to the Isle of Wight and start a new life and a new me and meet new people and try to focus on a career, and try not to get obsessed with people any more, just concentrate on earning money and being happy. I hate myself.

Have you thought about looking for forums that are related? Perhaps you can get it all out online so that it doesn't affect you in real life too much?

First, keep your obsessions to yourself. There is no reason to share it with others, and plenty of reason to keep it quiet, as you now know. Second, you need to find ways to occupy and distract yourself. Here are some suggestions:

- Exercise. It generates mood boosting endorphins.

- Read funny stories and watch funny shows. Humor also boosts endorphins.

- Eat healthy, and enough of it. It will make your body and mind healthier, and don't skimp on how much you eat as long as you are eating healthier. People who try to starve themselves thin, get tired, cranky, depressed, and leave themselves open to getting sick. Also, the skeleton look is hideous.

- Get enough rest. Short changing yourself on sleep leads to being tired, cranky, and depressed, and also makes you more prone to getting sick.

- Help with the chores around where you live. Your parents or room mates will appreciate the help and it will keep you busy.

- Volunteer. There are people out there who are worse off than we are, and who would appreciate the help. Also, it's a good way to meet people.

- Take courses, either in person, or online. Some of the online ones are free, and the in person ones are a good way to meet people.

- Get a job. It's a good way to meet people, earn money, and keep busy.

- Take up a hobby or join a club. These are both good ways to keep busy and to meet people who share your interests.

- Get involved in community activities. Attend town meetings, attend functions held at local libraries, go to local sport events, fairs, and local art shows. Attend and/or participate in local theater groups. These are all great ways to meet people and to keep yourself occupied.

My impression from your post is that you really do need something to occupy yourself with, as you seem to have too much time available, which is leading you to waste it on obsessing over people. Try out some of my suggestions or come up with some ideas of your own. You really need to do stuff to occupy your time with something better than your current type of obsessions, but it's up to you to actually do something. No one can do these things for you.

Would doing all that help with the common Autistic trait then?

I am doing a lot of things you have said. Most of my friends I have now are who I have met through doing voluntary work, others are from courses I've attended in the past couple of years. I am currently on job-seekers and I am finding work, but it is hard getting into work with the state this stupid country is in, and it now doesn't help to know that the UK is going through another recession (God, when is it all going to end?!) I have got an interview for a cleaning job tomorrow, which is 3 full days a week which will suit me. I've also done work experiences before, trying out different places, and gaining new experiences and keeping myself occupied. And at the week-ends I volunteer, which helps. Also I do a lot of walking, I like to go for brisk walks in the evening, if not, me and my friend go walking in the day and we try to keep active.

The trouble is, I have to get the bus what I am obsessed with (the drivers that operate it), to get out because I only live in a very small town, and this is the only bus service that goes through my town to get me to other places (see, cutbacks again). I do enjoy getting this bus, if I didn't have this obsession then I think I would be lost. Like they say, people, especially Autistics, can't help with what we get obsessed with, otherwise if that were possible then we wouldn't get as obsessed as we do. Some Autistics here on WP embrace their special interests and love their Autism because of it. I don't see the good side to obsessions, I just think it wrecks my mind and I wish it wasn't an Autistic trait and I wish I didn't even have AS to begin with, just wish I were normal and was obsessed with something like clothes shopping.

The only good side I've found about having obsessions with people is the way I admire them then when a situation arises where I feel anxious or scared, I always think, ''what would [name of person I'm obsessed with] do?'' And I try to use my imagination to think of how they would solve the situation, and it sometimes helps me overcome some fears, dealing with it like an adult instead of like a toddler (having screaming meltdowns and upsetting other people around me).

It is quie natural to want to express your interests, and I take it you have a crush on a bus driver and he's on your mind so you would want to talk about him and so other people must respect that. I have a friend who talks about her boyfriend all the time and I don't even know him so I have no idea who this person is, but that doesn't make me think any less of her. You mentioned in your post that you don't go on about your obsessions to your friends you have now, which is great and so you have some self control. And hinting that you have a 'thing about bus drivers' is nothing out of the ordinary. Don't forget, you're young, and most young people, especially girls, get a little overobsessed with men sometimes, some girls do more than others, and you're just somebody who gets a little mad over men, and it's okay. You're not doing any harm to your friendships. It's just the way you are.

I know a girl about your age who is not a very nice person. She's so 'too much' that she chases all her friends away by behaving so inappropriately, and I think inside she gets angry with herself for it but can't seem to help herself behaving this way. She had been neglected as a child and is traumatized, and has just grown up quite emotionally unstable, and so doesn't seem to have any self control over her behaviour at all, and I worry about her. At least you're not like that. In fact, you mentioned you talk to one or two of the bus drivers, that's okay. The other passengers on the bus will look upon you as rather chatty, and being quite confident if you're chatty to men you like, and there are some people out there like that. You haven't got yourself into trouble, you haven't been banned from the bus, so what are you worrying about? I'm sure your friends aren't going to rejecty you because you've hinted you like some bus drivers. Just express your interest in small doses, like what you're doing, and you will be happy. It's no good completely hiding things from everyone, so just keep it at a reasonable balance.

Er... no. People will be happy to talk about it briefly in the context of having crushes on people, but if he's not your boyfriend, people will otherwise get sick of talking about him pretty quickly. To add to that, you need to avoid talking about the people you have obsessions with because people can (and will) make it very awkward for you, and it's possible that the people who you have these obsessions about will use it as leverage in order to take advantage of you.

Personally, I'd be keeping these things close to your chest with other people in real life and stick to talking about them on the Internet - or on here - only instead.

I don't talk about my obsessions too much with my friends, in fact, not at all. It's just that once when me and my friend were walking along the street, and my bus pulled up and the driver on it (who I liked) asked me if we wanted a lift down to the town because he was going that way anyway. I could tell he was trying to be overfriendly, because the town was literally only up the road, you can see the shops from where we are standing, but we got on anyway and got off in the town. My friend said, ''he sounds like he has took a shine to you'', and I didn't want to lie to her so I said, ''yes, I do fancy him.'' And my friend smiled and said, ''that's sweet.'' And that's as far as it goes. Sometimes she still asks me if I've seen him on my bus lately and I say yes or no, but I never go into detail. And when the subject changes, I don't go back onto the subject before. I don't ever mention him for the rest of the day, and we just carry on with the day. Surely there is no harm in that.

I don't think there's anything wrong with having a few obsessions. You just have to be aware of your surroundings sometimes. Also, some obsessions can be turned into a great benefit for the future.

I've figured I am so inclined to find out more about my obsession or be involved with it that it makes me want to talk about it. That is why I want a job cleaning the buses at the depot, and then I could get the bus what I like getting to the depot and just clean their buses all day, and I would probably be able to have social chitchat with some of the bus-drivers, and I would be quite contented. And because I've been kind of involved in my obsessive interest all day, I probably won't go on about it so much out of work, or if I did it would be more relavent to my job so it'd be more socially acceptable, otherwise I could just keep quiet about the details of it and just looked forward to the next day.

That's how I look at it anyway.

Would you want to go out with him?

Yes