It might be an OCD thing or an aspie thing. I have both, and I used to apologize a lot, but there is a definite down side to doing that. If it's someone I don't know well, they probably don't want me talking to them at all, even to apologize, so my apology just creeps them out. Or they don't even know what I'm talking about and it just confuses them. Or they may not want to forgive me, so I'm putting them in an awkward position by asking them to do so. Or if I think I've offended some stranger, like at the grocery store, there's no way to contact them later to apologize, and then what do I do? I used to even write letters to people working in stores because I was afraid I'd offended them, but that just freaked people out. They never responded to my letters. In fact, one time a woman I had written such a letter to saw me at a stop light, behind her car, just through coincidence, but she must have assumed I was following her because she got a horrified look on her face and when the light turned green she burned rubber to escape me, although I had no intention of following her. Also, if you keep apologizing to the same people, it can come off as insincere. There's someone at work who's sick and tired of me cussing at my computer all the time. I apologized once or twice, but she got less and less tolerant of my apologies because I kept doing the same thing. In fact, I blew up at my computer today and I knew there was no point in apologizing yet again. She expects action, not excuses, so I'm just going to try harder not to do that kind of behavior. So I think it's best to use apologies sparingly. But that's just my opinion. And if it's people you're close to, hopefully they understand, and constant apologies aren't necessary. I hate to use an old cliche, but there's some truth to the line from Love Story - "Love is never having to say you're sorry." Or at least not all the time.
11 Jun 2012, 7:02 pm
