How to accept a lifetime of loneliness?

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My wife is leaving me (we're still living together but have been "separated" for two months now) and I fear that I will never find anyone else again. I say this because when I met her just before I turned 31, prior to our nearly 10 years of marriage, I had only two relationships and both lasted only a month or less, that's it.

I have no real friends, at least none that I can hang out with, and no one to introduce me to anyone. If I don’t have the right personality to make friends of my own sex; what chance do I have of finding another woman…

Problem is I don’t think I can handle another 30+ years of loneliness and suicide is not an option because I don’t want to hurt my seven year old daughter.
How do I learn to accept a lifetime of loneliness? I don’t want to go back to crying myself asleep each night like I did before I met my wife. But I can’t see how I will ever meet anyone either.

You don't.

I used to feel like every girl I was with was my last, and my last chance at knowing love. That attitude made me make many poor relationship decisions and probably gave me much more unhappiness than good times. Never make the assumption that you're tricking or deceiving anyone into liking or loving you, and never assume you are not worthy of it.

Tell me if you find an answer.

My life was controlled by narcisistic people until I was 35, so co-dependancy is almost a part of my DNA. lol

However, I have remained single for the last 15 years.

However, I kept responding to other's needs in my family, so I thought, but it was also fulfilling my need for someone else to do for.

For 35 years, my needs were NEVER a priority. To me or anyone else.

I still struggle with establishing MY NEEDS and acknowledging them as relevant.

I've stayed single at first intentionally, and untimately, because it is the best fit. I am difficult to live with now.

THe right woman may be able to change that or accept that but I don't really seek that out right now.


Lonliness is still an issue though. And I've reconnected with an old girlfriend from high school who I only dated a few months and who is married and across the state. There is no relationship beyond friendship and her husband knows.

She has become the female voice and person that I will share day to day ups and downs with.

I would make it a priority to schedule social functions or join a dating service.

In my opinion, either you will find someone fairly quickly, or you will begin to grow ALONE but not lonely.

Lonliness is ok in moderation, as is depression, and all other emotions.

If you recognize an unbalance or unhealthy level of lonliness, only you can do something about it.

Going to concerts alone is a blast. You can make your way up to the stage when on your own.

And who knows, you might meet a kindred spirit along the way.

And, you've always got this place...........no kissing, though.

For me the best way to sum this up is "I am what I am" Yes, it would be nice if I had someone at times but other times, no.
I am currently 56 and I got my diagnosis later in life. Being "reclusive", hermit-like" etc. is just how I am and I accept myself as such. Having received inputs for so long how this aspect of my personality was somehow flawed and I should try to change (which would be in essence to please others and not myself) which was how I acted for quite some time. I developed some very negative coping mechanisms along the way to just try to avoid being alone (drug and alcohol abuse). I realized that I could always find someone to get drunk or high with anytime or anywhere. I found I was actually running from reality while I was doing this. I decided the best person to be was me regardless of how people view me.

I hope you don't mind if I continue...

As I sat and reviewed my comments in my head, a couple of other thnings came to me.

1. Your daughter. Being Dad will cause you to socialize. Single mom's will be in the mix and will be invaluable to you as your daughter grows. And you will want to assure her that your time with her mother has happy memories and has made you a better person.

It is unclear in your comment if "leaving you" meant her mother was dieing or not. Regardless, there will be female substitutions. And you must always be supportive of her mother, even if you grow to hate her. LOL

Also, when I say that it is up to you to do something about your lonliness. I should acknowledge that those that care for you may offer help by "fixing you up" once in a while.

Doesn't happen for me, but I don't suggest that they should. If thats something you would be open to, tell people. Somebody may already know your next girlfriend.

Good luck.

You have a journey ahead of you. I've done this for the past 15 years, and been lonely for a great deal of that time. However I've also been really busy and I've toughened up, some anyway. During the down times it can be awful. There is not a simple answer here, wish there was. You've gotta find something you like doing, apart from raising your daughter, if you haven't already. Especially for when your daughter is away - really important then.
How you feel about things will have a huge effect on your daughter too.
Hugs - virtual that is - and take care.