i starting to get more stressed and sad'er

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its starting to get to me all the failed projects i had leading to being trolled on loads of forums when i try to do things right.
and i starting to find it harder to do school work its like get 1 awser wong and i put head in my hands in strss.
i don't have many frends how ever hard i try to get frends.
and im finding less and less things to live for well i tried to commit suside a few weeks ago but someone on msn stoped me just in time.
im finding life harder and harder to live.

it feels like if i told someone offline i wourld get un wanted notice from people(i don't want to end up on meds)

can someone help?

I feel quite stressed and sad too.

I'm sorry to hear about your suicide attempt.

If anybody's trolling you that's awful of them. People not treating you well really has an impact on feelings of happiness and safeness in life doesn't it. I wish people would shape up and be kind to one another.

What kind of projects do you work on? Is it related to your schoolwork or different? Re: getting one math problem wrong and stressing out, that sounds like a perfectionistic reaction. Try to remember that just because you get a problem wrong doesn't mean you're "bad at math." I find math the most frustrating of all subjects so I know what you mean but one thing I've done in the past is just skip straight over a problem if it's frustrating me and come back to the frustrating one later when I'm in a less stressed mood and do them a little at a time.

I wish I had a better response than this, I'm sure somebody else will.

the projects are to do with computer and internet
failed ones:
0poundhosting(closed due to abouse and no thank yous) it was a free unlimited ad free host
androidvps (marged into post2vps)
reliblepc(still working on the high recuse use)
the ones that sucseded:
post2vps.info(a free post 2 host vps provider) but is loseing money hand over foot

the suicide attept is exspined hare:
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postp4572687 ... t=#4572687

I tried to kill myself a while ago but at the moment I feel happier. This little story made me feel better.

Once there was a hare gathered with other hares who sat at the top of a hill. He said to the others, "I hate my life. I'm tired of always being scared and small and being afraid I could get killed any time by all these bigger creatures." And the hare said he wanted to end his life. He persuaded the other hares life wasn't worth living in such fear too.

As they ran down the hill towards a pond to drown themselves, they scared some frogs into leaping in. The frogs yelped in terror. The hares at this moment changed their mind. They realised there were others worse off.

The projects sound worthwhile and like they use your talents well, if they don't work out for reasons you can't control they still are very impressive.

It sounds like you did something wrong/illegal in the realm of hacking but felt remorse for it - you sound pretty scrupulous, but if this is the reason you wanted to kill yourself, that's not worth killing yourself over, things can be talked over and you can choose to be a better person and you don't have to live with guilt the rest of your life. You didn't do anything irreversible that makes it so you can't go on living happily, it sounds like you made a mistake and realized it. I've got to say it's very admirable confessing but definitely never ever believe that something you did is so bad you should suffer something like death for it. There are better ways to proceed than that for all involved.

I understand that that is one of several factors going on making you suffer and am sorry to hear that and hopefully you know things can get much better for you socially and with respect to your work getting recognition.

Life can get unbearably stressful and there really needs to be more in the way of support.

i asked anmouse to ddos someone they website nerver wnet offline due to ddos protection

the peron whos site was ddosed was called odin mclin(he has AS aswell)
he does not want to call the police or press any charges
i tried to convice him o call the law on me but he won't

I don't know anything about ddos but if the person doesn't want to call the law on you maybe you could write an apology letter to the person.

You admit you did something that would have been harmful to another person and believe me that is the most major step of making things better. You sound like you have so much guilt that you are willing to do anything, even something drastic, to make up for it. If the person doesn't want to involve police it sounds like they forgive you and don't want you to suffer more than you should. They probably really appreciate it that you admit you did something wrong, and can see you're a moral person that they can trust. Really it takes a lot to do what you did.

As it happens it sounds like the person wasn't actually harmed and it sounds like you really see how it's good to not do anything like that again, so if you still have guilt about it maybe you should try to channel it into something constructive that will make both you and possibly someone else feel better, like writing a letter or offering to do that person a favor, or just doing some other good deed to even out your sense of justice.

You are a good person, that counts for a lot.

Please don't go the route of suicide. In addition to being a human being, we want you here as a contributing member. You have experience and thoughts, you can continue to contribute as you have here.

Okay, I can kind of understand, something that matters to you and then you do something mean out of impulse as it sounds like you did (do not understand all technical details), I can see how that can hit you hard. Just take a medium lesson and then move forward.

And I think I also understand about bad streak downward spiral losing rhythm, maybe the idea of percentage poker and eventually you'll hit good streak. Let's say 30% of people like different, original, creative people, then all the statistics of baseball apply of negative streaks and positive streaks as highly likely even with the random input.

And continue to use us at WP as a resource.

Okay, at the beginning you say you don't want to get unwanted attention and end up on meds. These days I think involuntary hospitalization is relatively rare, person has rights has to have regular reviews, right to legal representation. Maybe not quite the answer you'd want, but I think the odds somewhat in your favor.

I think I have somewhat of an unusual view, but to me it's largely common sense and I wish more people would pick up on it: my backup plan is just to see a regular doctor like an internist and request an antidepressant, and bypass psychiatrists entirely, especially since the sh.t's all hit and miss anyway. Which I've read from several different sources and which makes sense to me. So something like zoloft might do great for one person, and not do a damn thing for another. Just the way the game's played and won. So my personal gameplan is five months, five different antidepressants and that's just the 50-50 over under. Just that biochem's complicated and tends to be different for different people (sometimes also important to come down in stages even if damn thing doesn't seem to be working)

Now, about counselors, psychologists, psychiatrists, and the like, I have found them to be prima donnas, pontificators , "be righters" etc, etc, etc, I can't really say enough negative things about them. In fairness, other people here at WP have had good experiences. I tend to think that's a minority, that I'd be better off with the average hair stylist or average bartender who has some common sense than with the average mental health "professional"

So mixed strategy, regular doctor for antidepressant as needed, and then counseling as I can find it.

I have struggled with times of depression. May have taken Prozac at age 26 if the young psychiatrist had not been so nasty and pigheaded about the whole thing. Well, don't really need it now, but have a plan if I do.

i had people suggest for me to go to threapy

Hi, I'm the person who's skeptical about formal counselors and I think for good reason, but. . as soon as I say that you're likely to run into someone really good (things often work that way!).

I have a nasal voice and can't really project. Several people I saw as an adult were not particilarly helpful, but one lady both helped me with my speech and was someone could talk with social issues about. I think she kind of understood where I was coming from, and could occasionally give good advice without overdoing it, still my choice.

It occurs to me that an acting coach (am interested in community theater) might be able to help with ping-ponging social skills and being open to the emotional texture. And what I envision is miles away from being phony, but more like the zen skill of being open to the here and now.

And I'm serious about barbers and hair stylists. This is a person you see on a regular basis, and some have some wisdom and are willing to talk. Of course some don't or aren't. And perhaps an exercise trainer could serve the same function.

And please keep using us as a resource. 'Haven' is probably only checked by a smaller number of people. New posts on the main board probably get the most attention, just don't stack more than three at a time, maybe something like that.

With you ddos'ing this individual (and again, I do not understand the technical details), maybe he forgave you too quickly! That sounds weird, but maybe something like that happened. Or maybe he dismissively said it's okay or brushed you off and didn't forgive you at all. And perhaps you envisioned something like church (I'm a good agnostic myself, and I pick and choose the parts I like about religion). So, maybe you envisioned going to someone being open and vulnerable, he saying how you hurt him, you sincerely andhumbly saying you're sorry, and him forgiving you. And maybe he short-circuited this entire process. Well, you've got to let him sort-circuit the process. You've got to leg him be wrong even when you're sincerely trying to do it right. I say this even knowing with me at least Internet interactions are some of the most real interactive I have. I can be myself in a different way tan face to face and often show more of myself. I've still got to let a person be wrong.

im getting horrble worse rectly
today i ran off site off the childens home i go to and ran about 4 miles before they found me

i think i might get a computer ban for it witch may be hard to deal with.

any advice?

With the computer connection, how about the idea of an advocate who can present the case that your usage is overwhelmingly positive and that it provides you with connections with fellow human beings? (standard good negotiating practice is to get someone else to negotiate on your behalf). And maybe ASAN might be a good place to start as far asgetting a local advocate.

As a backup plan, is there a public library you have access to? At one place I lived, the library only gave me a guaranteed 30 minutes of access a day, but by kind of writing in my head ahead of time, I was still able to get quite a bit done.

I gather you're an older adolescent still being sent to a children's school? Okay, what if you take the line, okay, I don't want people to worry, I won't run away anymore. Now, I am getting older and I would like to talk about greater privileges. Does an approach like that sound like it might be promising?

i don't know why i tried to run away i just got streesed and left the house

do u why it could be?

Maybe it could be what is sometimes called "cabin fever" or being "stir fever" (both of which I think are colorful metaphors).

Meaning basically that maybe you just want to get outside and see the day.

And so, maybe with you now getting older, with family members and/or school authorities, you can inform them that you'll be going out for a while so they won't worry, but maybe they will be ready to start being more open to you going out at times of your own choosing. Of course, sometimes someone has dinner planned or there is a group activity planned, so there needs to be flexibility on both sides.