possibly the worst I've ever felt, I don't know what to do

Post Reply New Topic

One of my best friends has just been in an extremely serious accident and is clinching onto life by a thread. I went to see him with my friends in ICU today and by his bedside I just didn't know what to say. I just couldn't find anything to talk about to him while he was asleep. I feel really guilty about it. I struggle to say anything in normal conversation anyway but I really felt like I should have done better today. I should have been stronger. I should have said more fun things. I wish I was a good communicator.
I'm in absolute bits. The emotional turmoil is like nothing I've ever experienced. For the first time in almost 2 years I've been having panic attacks, I constantly feel jittery and feel full of stress and worry and fear. I also can't stop crying.
I feel like I should be doing something but there's nothing I can do. The fact I can't do anything is just building and building up with this intense feeling in my chest.I just feel helpless. There's nothing more in the world I want than to hear good news. But I'm in an extremely doubting mood. It's really not looking good and I fear I will absolutely break down if he passes. I haven't slept properly in 36 hours. All I can do is pray.

All I can do is pray.

*hugs you tightly* I'm very, very sorry to hear that. You're right; at this point all you can do is pray. I will say a prayer on your friend's behalf tonight as well.

It's ok. Many people find it hard to know what to say to people in that situation. I hope your friend pulls through

Having been through this kind of thing a few times I can say the first few days will be a little stormy but do what you CAN do to keep yourself together. Your friend is being dealt with by professionals and if he's had a TBI and he's hung in this long the chances are very good; the first few minutes of response are critical and from what I've been relayed a good percentage don't make it through the night. The last time this happened with somebody I know, they had him in a medically induced coma for 6 months and he didn't go home for 2 years, but he is walking, talking and taking classes again now, many of us who know him consider it a real miracle. But even if there is no brain injury, don't overstress about saying the right thing, at the moment he is so medicated that he probably won't recall much, but I'm sure he will appreciate the kind thoughts. It's going to be a long bumpy road but things will improve, keep hope

Hang in there! How about dropping by on visits with something to read on topics your friend is interested in. You can read aloud to him. Many times people who can't talk after an injury, and who may appear out of it, can hear, or at least sense that someone is there, and will remember at least some of it when they come back to full consciousness. Also, by bringing something to read to him, you won't have to think up stuff to say to him. Just say "Hi John, hope you are doing better today. I stopped by to visit, and to read to you from the Bible, the sports news/favorite sci fi/favorite mystery/Get Well cards, etc." Or you could put on one of his favorite TV shows and talk to him about what's happening on the show during commercials. Even if he's mostly out of it, he may sense you there, and will appreciate it.

Doing this for your friend will help you deal with the stress, as it will give you something concrete to do to help.

During my mother's final hospital stay, she was eventually out of it much of the time, but I brought her Bible along and read some of it to her. I don't share her faith, but I know it was important to her, and I know she may have sensed I was there, so I was glad to help. I would also turn on some of her favorite TV shows while I was there, including Jeopardy.

There is no easy way to get through this tough time, but you can at least be there for your friend by visiting him in the hospital, and once he is recuperating at home. I do hope he lives, and makes a full recovery.

I really appreciate your prayers and advice and thoughts on this whole thing. It really does mean a lot to me!
Today has been one of the worst days of my life. We found out earlier that the damage to the brain was so extensive that there's no activity during scans. They're going to take my friend off life support soon and we are travelling to Birmingham to say our last goodbyes. I am in absolute bits. I have cried so so much I just can't cry any more.
I just spent the last half an hour looking through photos and conversations we'd had on facebook and I miss him so so much. I love him man. He was just so caring. He always knew I was slightly troubled/had my own issues and was always there for me. He really appreciated my eccentricities. He liked the fact I was a bit weird and different. And I love him for that. Not many people in the world accept me. And he really did accept me.
I just hope some absolutely unbelievable miracle happens. It would be the best thing in the universe. I would hug him so so hard.
To top today off my other best mates cousin has just attempted to commit suicide due to the distress of this whole thing. But I actually can't think about that right now. Without sounding harsh - there's only so much I can care about things. I hope she's okay but my main focus is my friend in ICU.

sigh. Life sucks man.

sorry to hear about these things bud. Hope things get better.

Sweet Pea hugs