My Diagnosis Fear

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I'm putting this in Haven because I think it's the best place for it. It's a bit of a downer, so...

Anyway. Sometime soon I'm going to try to get a referral from my GP for a psychiatrist. On the NHS. What I'm hoping is that the psychiatrist will be able to tell me what's wrong with me. I'm as certain as I can be that it's probably Aspergers, but I'm no doctor. I've read up on it, lurked this forum too, and other things but this seems most likely. If it isn't that then I'm sure the psychiatrist can help me figure out what it is. I'm hoping it'll be an explanation for why I am the way I am. I'll know what's what and will be able to act accordingly, with help. I'll know what's possible and what isn't and may be able to get the life people insist I should have.

Now, here's the downer. My fear about it:
What scares the life out of me is that I go to the psychiatrist and they tell me that there is *nothing* wrong with me. That I just desperately want something to be wrong with me. That I'm just looking for an excuse. Now, that subversive part of my mind is always screaming that it's an excuse at me, but that part is a twat and just picks holes in everything. But still, it is a great fear.
Because... if there is indeed nothing wrong with me and it is all me then... I'd be completely stumped. Completely lost. I'd likely withdraw even further than I already have and do something seriously destructive.
Heh, I'm guessing it'd be a poor idea to say that to the psychiatrist. It'd basically be, "if you don't give me the diagnosis I *want* then I'll kill myself". And that's not smart.
Maybe I'm putting too much importance into it.

Just had to get that out there. Thanks for reading. Assuming you did and didn't just skip to the last line.

You're getting yourself too worked up and stressed out about it. Just relax and go through the testing as you would do anything else on any given day. All this additional anxiety and stress may skew the test results, and you don't want that to happen.

Hi,

I went through similar thoughts and fears before my diagnosis. It does take courage to face a medical evaluation which of course always has different possible outcomes. But perhaps it might help you to think that if you're told not to have an ASD and you can accept this finding (they might explain to you why) that still you can look for ways to live a better life.
On the other hand, having obsessive thoughts on sensitive topics seems to be quite typical for autistic individuals and you seem to have valid reasons to believe that you are autistic.
Especially when you're diagnosed in adulthood you have for sure quite some suffering as a life's experience which is not encouraging and perhaps you will finally get the appropiate help very soon.
But keep in mind: either you are autistic or not and in any case you are yourself and have the right to feel good with yourself. And professionals should help you with that and most probably will.
The pre-diagnosis time can be indeed extremely tough - take good care of yourself and things as easy as possible!

All best!

I can relate to that one. It is one of the reasons why I am wary about trying for a diagnosos.

I'm in a similar situation. I desperately want to start the process of getting my Asperger's diagnosis, but I'm afraid I'll just be ignored. I've been diagnosed with clinical depression, social anxiety, bipolar disorder with psychotic features, generalized anxiety and faking it... I'm worried they will take one look at my history and send me on my way. I've been ignored in the past and I'm worried it will happen again.

:hugs:

Thanks for the words, lads. I do appreciate it.

Good to know I'm not the only one with such a fear. Well, not really "good to know", it'd be better if none of us were scared but... you know what I mean.

I was terrified of exactly the same thing.

Went through the same process - approaching my GP and getting referral to psychiatrist for assessment (on the NHS). I was so scared I knew I wouldn't have any speech when I went to the GP so I wrote down what I wanted. She didn't even bat an eyelid and said "OK" and referred me. I hadn't even seen that GP before. I had three sessions with the psychiatrist (which totalled a over 4 hours) and completely numerous questionnaires. I provided him with a lot of written stuff because I struggled to speak in the appointments (I often lose my ability to speak when stressed ... and this was very stressful for me). The psychiatrist did however manage to make me feel relatively comfortable in spite of the stress of the situation and I think because of that he got an accurate picture of what I was like. It was helpful that this psychiatrist had a special interest in adults on the autistic spectrum ... I think this is quite rare though.

I was very relieved at the end of the last appointment when he confirmed that I had an autistic spectrum disorder ("towards the Asperger end"). I was also very surprised when he said it was obvious from the very beginning! However, unfortunately having it confirmed - and therefore being able to gain a greater understanding of myself - did not help me to be able to sort out the difficulties I was having with my life as I had hoped it would.

When this became obvious my GP (a different one to the one I saw for the referral, and now my regular GP) referred me back to the psychiatrist and I saw a really stupid psychiatrist - the original one had moved on - who said that there was nothing wrong with me and I should just get it together (I'm paraphrasing). That made things fall apart even more because the more I tried to get it together, the worse things got because I got more and more stressed, anxious and depressed about my inability to fix the difficulties I was experiencing.

My GP recognised this and referred me back to psychiatry again specifically requesting that I not see the second psychiatrist again. The third psychiatrist confirmed my ASD diagnosis, basically admitted that the second psychiatrist was incompetent, and also diagnosed me with Emotional Dysregulation Disorder in addition to the ASD. It turns out that most of my current difficulties are caused by EDD rather than the ASD (though the EDD comes from the ASD either directly or indirectly) and that is why I couldn't sort myself out however hard I tried. I've been referred for specialist psychotherapy and also support from the local autistic society.

Although I am still waiting for this support to come through, and am not coping terribly well, I finally feel like I'm getting somewhere and that things could get better now that I have a handle on what is causing the problems and will have the support I need to help me sort things out.

I think what I'm trying to say is that I wish you luck in getting a diagnosis (whatever that may turn out to be) that leads to you getting whatever support you need and remember that you can always be referred back for a second opinion if you are not happy with the first one.

This is something I have been troubled with recently too. I have already booked one appointment with a GP before cancelling it at the last minute for fear that my problems interracting with people will not be accepted due to being very able to deal with life. I don't really have problems with anxiety or panic attacks and feel i am reletively stress free (I just tend to go with the flow and try not to fight life). However. I do have great trouble understanding people and all the social interractions that people seem to expect me to know. I have learnt much of how to avoid many problems or pretend with a few stock replies to deal with general scenarios.

I guess I just need to take the plunge. Then again, I already feel so much better since coming across this site in the last couple of weeks. Finally understanding myself after all these years is far more important to me than a doctors diagnosis written down on some paper!

NotHere, I hope you do go through with it soon and find some answers. As I hope we all do when we get the courage to do so!

I have been there. It started by the fact that I got a PDD-NOS diagnosis in California then the doc changed her mind and said I had schitzoaffective (sp) disorder, which I really didn't agree with. Then when I moved to LA state the doctor there said there was little, if nothing wrong with me other than depression that my tests had come as me exaggerating and my tester wrote her a letter stating that I may have ulterior motives for wanting a diagnosis such as SSI or something. Thing is I got a hold of the papers. I confronted my psych and she said she thought I obviously had depression issues, but that there wasn't anything that bad really with me.

I walked out and I still have no diagnosis. Problem is i cant really afford a good doctor.

BUT the BRIGHT side is, that even if you get to that point, you will get over it. Autistic people aren't stupid. We can tell what and who we are and there is a difference between making excuses and having obvious neurological differences with people. Diagnosis or no being official. Keep searching and go to as many doctors as you think you have to as well as getting in touch with autism services. I haven't really had a chance to do such things or availability, but if you do, DO it.

Reading this thread it occurs to me that every diagnosis is ultimately a self-diagnosis, because only the individual him/herself can decide how much authority to accord the person giving the diagnosis. I have two AS diagnoses from health professionals (one from a remedial teacher at an autism centre and one from my therapist, who has a psychology degree and training in behaviour therapy) but I don't accept them because neither person has a doctor's degree. I also saw a psychiatrist who does have a doctor's degree (obviously) and she said she wouldn't have a clue how to diagnose asperger's. However, if she had picked up the DSM and asked a few questions that would have been a formal diagnosis. So then I would have had a formal diagnosis and I still wouldn't accept it because she was not competent, as she herself said. Probably one has to work out for oneself if one is on the spectrum. Some people are obviously so while with others it is more subtle. I have found people to be more than willing to diagnose me but I still haven't diagnosed myself so I use these diagnoses just as bits of evidence and nothing more. Don't know if that makes sense to you but that's how I (have to) treat the issue.

Update: I met with my GP. Any plans I may have had for what I was going to say completely fell apart on me! Just couldn't find the words. Questions and answers led her to think it was probably depression that I was mistaking for Aspergers. The GP offered anti-depressants first but I'm sure I noticed her a little off about it. So I said it might be best not to jump straight into medication. Turned out to be right thing to say. She agreed and got me to make an appointment with the counsellor. I've done so and will be seeing the counsellor in two weeks time. I'll take your advices and try not to accept everything I get told at face value and try to be willing to push if I don't think I'm getting what I want out of it.

I can keep updating this if anyone's interested.

Congrats for your first steps towards knowing more about yourself!

My GP was also very reluctant to the idea that I could have an ASD. But I wanted her anyways to know of my impressions and conclusions. By now, after the diagnosis, she's accepted it and got informed herself. I even noticed that the secretary is kinder to me and accepts easily when I ask for example for 2 items of a medication I need for other issues - it stresses me out to go to the pharmacy.
I think my GP was kind of irritated because if I was autistic she didn't know how to handle me as being different from most of her other patients, I guess.

Anyways - please keep posting about your next steps!

All best with those!

Alright, had the meeting with the counsellor. It was "an informal chat to decide whether counselling would be useful" so if it was decided so then further sessions would be scheduled. Heh, that meeting was supposed to last 25 minutes. Wound up being about an hour, much to the chagrin of another person waiting outside. I overheard him say "that took a bloody long time". Oh well...
It's more of a brief counselling thing, though. Counsellor said it might not be all that useful for me, we'll figure out what to do next session. She seemed pretty genuinely enthusiastic and interested in her job. That was good.

Anyway, she didn't think it'd be aspergers. Something about me being more a lateral thinker and having a sense of humour which isn't really an aspie thing. Dug around my social anxiety a bit. There may well be a cause in a certain childhood event for that. All in all, I'm glad I went.

Again, thanks for the comments people. I appreciate it.


Is it just me, and some personal bias/preference, or are female health professionals less... judgemental than male ones? I'm male myself, but thats really neither here nor there...

Well, I think it's good that you had a positive experience with the counselor. But is she an expert in ASD? Do you feel convinced?
I think it's really important to see someone who's at least familiar with the autistic spectrum. Because 'her lateral thinking' could be the typical fast associative thinking and if you read around her a bit you'll find some humor I think! Tony Attwood, absolutely an ASD expert, mentions somewhere autistic people's sense of humor. I think he called it irresistible or something like that..
So I don't think those two are really arguments against an ASD. Did she mention something else?

Ah, sorry. She did say she certainly wasn't an expert in it. And yeah there are indeed just as many smartarses on this forum as anywhere else. It was just an introductory session, so we'll see how it goes.

do you mean me with the 'smartarses'? I didn't want to offend you, my sincere apologies if I did.
I read the thread again and noticed that I had confused the psychiatrist you mentioned at the beginning with the counselor you met eventually.
I don't know how things work over there but I wish you a good "path" to your diagnosis.