My life is a mess, and I have no idea what to do.

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I'm 22 and have diagnosed Asperger's Syndrome and Depression. I've been out of the world for nearly two years now because of problems stemming from those things. I plan to apply for a job at the library soon and to go back to university in the fall, but I feel like I'm a burden to my family and that I'm letting my life slip by. I feel trapped, both in terms of my environment and my mindset. I have great artistic ambition, but little motivation. I try to help around the house, but I often let things slip, and my very supportive mother often gets angry at me. I think she's becoming resentful. I think this house is becoming a toxic environment for me. The only thing that motivates me anymore is fear guilt and shame, and I feel as though no one understands my psychology enough to know what is helpful, or has the energy to do it.

Sorry for the rambling post. There's a great deal running through my head and I felt I had to get it out.

That's for sharing and welcome to WP.

You will get a lot of support here are you're among friends. (Sure wish they had WP - or even the internet - when I was growing up!)

Remember, part of depression is often feeling more responsible for the "bad" things going on around us, like your mom becoming angry. It might be based partly on you (as a mom of adults with issues I can assure you much of the negative emotions of a parent dealing with a child that is having ANY kind of issues is intense caring and concern for the child's well being and future), but there are probably other issues your mother has in her life contributing to her emotions.
Be easy on yourself, not in a self pitying way, but not beating yourself up, or thinking all is hopeless. Getting back into school will be great, contact the university and find out who heads the offices for the students with disabilities. That office may be a real resource for you for many areas of your life.
You sound like an intelligent and sensitive young person with lots to offer in the right vocation. It may be a long process to feeling better, but there will be a day you realize you are feeling better. Plug along, forgive yourself for whatever you think is holding you back, try a little now and then, let your Mom know you wish you were a little more help and that you are trying and appreciate her and that maybe a little more instruction, reminders, or direction for helping out would help (small lists, specific tasks, like "unload dishwasher" rather than sweeping directives like "keep the house picked up".
Good luck!! !!

Hi TheElusiveHobo, welcome to Wrong Planet! I bet there are things you might learn from our site, and I bet you have things to teach, too.

And I like backagain's idea. I think of this as being a good coach to myself. At times, I tend to be too harsh a coach with myself, which I guess is 'normal' and happens on a fairly regular basis. I am working on developing skills of being a coach who more appreciates myself, that I don't always need to try so hard, that there's a lot to be said for the steady eddie approach or even just the occasional approach.

I myself have struggled with bouts of depression. I have read that the first antidepressant may not work but a later one might, which I take as information both realistic and hopeful (have not yet tried antidepressants). And also that it's sometimes important to step down from an antidepressant in stages even if the medication doesn't seem to be working.

Thanks for the kind words, everybody. I'm considering applying for government support so I can live a bit more independently. It's strange how afraid I've become of my mother and siblings.

I think you will be ok when you start studying. That may give you a chance to move away from home.

Government support is a viable option, like SSI here in the United States although I understand it can take a while to get on.

I am in favor of multiple tracks. Please roll forward with the library if that feels hopeful, and maybe one or two other jobs as well. And maybe the ball rolling on government support at the same time.

Art is great. I'm a writer. Now, I really do think anything artistic has a lot of luck factors and a lot of external factors, and often takes longer than a person might initially think. And I think artists of all stripes go through fallow periods, that such is entirely quote 'normal,' so to speak. So, I think it's fine for a person to get on government support and if they later make it big, they will probability take away the support, and that's fine, it was there when the person needed it and that's the important thing.

With your mother, would a strategy of being briefer and matter-of-fact, not getting drawn into things, 'don't claim that I'm perfect,' help some? And maybe someone like an aunt or former teacher who could be a low-key advocate on your behalf? (probably just an outside chance)