To hell with life, family, work, and all the other crap.

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Ok, so maybe I'm not taking this the right way. I've graduated from college less than two months ago with a useless liberal arts degree in history, I've floundered on both of the two job interviews (one in-person, the second on the phone) I've had in the last two weeks, I want to apply to graduate school for being a librarian, but I have to wait until August, I'm trying to help my 72-year old father take care of my sister's 2 year old son, trying to cook, clean, and help him out, constantly worried about the next major fight between my younger sister and my dad, and trying to keep myself just barely sane. I admit it, there's been times in my life I've thought about ending my life, but I just don't have the means or the wherewithal to go through with it. Ok, so I'm too p---y and afraid of death.

I've never had a job in my life. I can't even answer the questions an interviewer asks me, and then I end up mangling my sentences, choking up, and not saying what I want to say. I can't think "on-the-fly" like NT's can. I am dealing with terrible social skills at the same time that I realize that I cannot depend on my dad.

So, I haven't been the same vivacious young man I was before my parents divorced. In fact, I'm just a shell of myself, a rotting soul covered in a pathetic sheet of skin. But that was 6 years ago, you might ask. Yes, but the last 6 years of my life have been nothing short of a hell. Trying to deal with the initial custody dispute over my two younger sisters, then my youngest sister's repeated blowups against my dad, moving to a new state, having that same sister elope with a convicted drug dealer and shoplifter, dealing with her tempestuous pregnancy, having to take care of her child all the time (at least when my dad wasn't once it was actually born), and feeling used by the sister. She has a tempestuous love-hate (more hate) relationship with my dad, and she's done everything from yell at him to asking me where his guns were so she could kill him (I had to tell her I didn't know where they were). The other younger sister has had several close boyfriends and doesn't want to help me out with taking care of the youngest sister's child.

Then there is my dad, 72. He's worked in the fields since he was 5, in a factory since he was 11, put 32 years in at the post office, then 12 years at the local elementary school as a custodian, he's had two wives that abandoned him (one actually took everything out of his house), two daughters who are rebelling against him, two other daughters that are out on their own living their happy little lives, and I'm left alone as his only son trying to support him emotionally in his later years against all of the things that are coming up against him. I'm terrified of losing him or having to take care of him as a free home health aide in addition to my role as a free babysitter for the youngest sister.

He allows my other two sisters on a long leash as far as his expectations of them (one because she moved out due to all the bickering, and the other because she has a hair-trigger temper). Neither of them feels like they have to help my dad or me out with taking care of the house.

I came here 3 years ago to go to school, things were good at first but they really fell apart fast. I just can't stand taking care of someone else's child, but until the climactic fight comes, I can't say anything.

Ok, so that's a summary of my situation. Of course, I could probably write several long paragraphs on my situation and still not adequately sum up my feelings. Of course, maybe I'm compensating for something that I seriously lack, which is the ability to understand others.

Congrats to you on graduating from college and for the ambition to go to graduate school in August. Good for you, taking care of your niece and helping your father out. I would recommend trying to volunteer since you have never worked and volunteering will be less stressful to do than going through the job interview. Also practice the interview questions with a trusted family member to help you get ready for it. I dislike job interviews as well. It does help to read about the potential employer before hand so you can ask a question or make a statement about why you are interested in the company. Good luck with you graduate school and with your future career.

When my mother's health got bad enough that she needed some assistance, my other sibs were working, but I wasn't so I became her caregiver until she passed away. I went to the local welfare office and applied for assistance, as I couldn't be out looking for work or taking jobs, while taking care of my mother. I qualified for food stamps to buy my own--not the family's--food, and cash assistance, as my mother's caregiver. I would have qualified for Medicaid if I had applied for that, too.

Go to your local welfare office and apply for assistance based on being unable to work, as you are your elderly father's caregiver, and also helping to take care of your sister's kid. If you don't want to take care of the kid, or are overwhelmed by taking care of the kid, along with helping your father, then you should report your sister to Child Protective Services, based on the fact that she keeps leaving him unattended, and you are unable to cope with caring for both your dad and the kid. They can find a foster home for the kid, or check around your family tree for a relative who can take the kid. You should look into who in the family might be able to do that before you call CPS. You really need some help, but at least, if you apply for assistance from welfare as a family member caregiver, you will get some cash for necessities, and you will be able to buy your own foods. It won't be a huge amount, but it will help. If you don't want relatives eating your stuff, best to buy stuff they don't like or to get a mini fridge with a lock on it, for your own use, and a lockable locker or chest for non fridge foods.

Hope this helps!

I would advise against going to library school. I graduated in 1999 and stayed in my college job until 2002 when funding was cut. Interviewed all over the Midwest, at least 20 times. One job offer, moved 700 miles from my family to take the job. After a month, they said I was unwilling to learn their system for doing things. They said I was insubordinate and fired me. After a month on the job. I kept applying for library jobs, but I never got another interview. Now, it's 2012 and I have $80,000 in student loans and an $11/hr job in a grocery store. If you have problems on job interviews, that will only be magnified when you try to interview for professional positions. Librarian positions are also heavily involved with the public, so they require very good people skills and quick thinking. That was my experience, take it as you wish.

I disagree that there is no market for computer repair, but the problem is most companies want experience, not schooling.

I think your very understandably stressed out & frustrated from trying to help your dad & sister & you could really use to take a break from that to deal with your own life; you need to focus on your own career. Your sister f#cked up by running off with that guy & having a kid with him & your dad is enabling her to avoid taking responsibility & you are too by helping them at the expense of your emotional health