I want to commit suicide

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I am at rock bottom here guys. First, I am not in a great position health wise. I have some dental problem that will be $10,000 plus to be able to fix. I have no job and probably won't get one for a long time given no one wants to hire me. I have no real close friends. No girlfriend. I live at home and fight with my parents all the time. They call me a compulsive liar, and though I do lie sometimes, most of the time I tell the truth. I don't get along with my brother and he calls me a ret*d and sometimes hits me.

I have been thinking about going to the train station. I hear death by subway train is quite popular and a successful way of doing it. The thing is I am afraid it will hurt or worse, my suicide attempt won't be successful. What then? I just want to get out of here.

I spent two days for a stroke in a hospital here almost 2 years ago. My bill? $24,000. I asked for a little mercy (I did have to fill out some paperwork) and they gave me a 75% discount. I was working at the time an agreed to pay back about $200/month. I lost my job a couple of months ago. I wrote to the hospital and told them. I'd owed about $2500 by this time. They told me since I was no longer employed, the $2500 was forgiven! Isn't that nice? In other words, don't get yourself all bunched up in a bind, or however the saying goes. Just let them know you don't have two nickels to rub together. You can't squeeze blood out of a stone.

It could be worse. Of course that would be an insensitive comment, because you are where you are now, not that theoretical worse-off situation, and it already sucks for you. Maybe you could take some comfort in the fact that you're not alone. That other people have been in a similar situation. And that it does get better. (I mean you have to admit the chances of it getting worse are pretty slim.) Humans are very adaptable creatures, and in six months, no matter what your condition is, you will probably be used to it. People have survived for 5 years in Vietnamese POW camps dealing with malnutrition, jungle rot, torture, and basically sucky living conditions.

But if you have made up your mind about the whole thing I would suggest a tub of water. Just hold your head in there and if you are really determined to do it you would probably follow through. Otherwise you can just pull out whenever you change your mind. With a train you really can't back out once the train hits.

Please, please, please call here: 1-800-273-8255 and talk to someone. The pain you are feeling is temporary and will pass. Please call and get help.

I know firsthand how dental issues can sway morale and rational thinking. This should be dealt with ASAP. At the very least have the most painful part done. If they need to come out it costs in the low 3-figure for each tooth. Your parents would be hard pressed not to help you with that. But not fixing them is potentially fatal, at the minimum quality of life will be sub-negative. Laying down on train tracks produces no future special interests and the afterlife may contain much bullying. If you feel there are absolutely no options you can always get yourself incarcerated for a month or 2 in the county jail; then they have to fix your teeth at no cost to you

@2wheels4ever - I'm very disappointed you'd suggest breaking the law to get dental assistance. Can you imagine?

Officer: Son, why'd you throw a rock through that bank's window?
Disraeli: Oh, I need a few fillings.

Officer: Son, why'd you expose yourself at city hall then defiled their water fountain outside?
Disraeli: Oh, I need root canal.

Officer: Son, why did you break into Guitar Center and take those Paul Reed Smiths?
Disraeli: Oh, 2wheels4ever talked me into it. Said they'd pull my rotten molars down at County if I did.

there is some excellent advice in this thread. help is out there. it may seem quite horrible at the moment, and people may be treating you badly, but as long as you are alive there is hope for change.

suicide destroys other people (family, acquaintances, childhood teachers, spectators who see you get hit by the train, the train conductor, etc), not just one's own self. it has been 18 months since my mother committed suicide and i will never fully recover. our relationship was broken and we hardly spoke, but that doesn't eliminate the tie that bound us together. she took a part of me when she took her own life.

Why? What happened to the post 2002 Smiths? Garbage?

If it really is a medical emergency, your local hospital HAS to treat you. They will then relentlessly pursue you for the bill, but the problem will be solved. However, there may be another way. If you are indeed indigent, then Medicaid will probably pick up most of the bill. The rest can be put on installments with a medical credit company like Care Credit.

Now as far as suicide goes, stop thinking like that. I know things seem difficult but in my experience (and my innumerable bouts with suicidal ideation over the past 38 years) things do eventually improve. Sometimes it takes a while, but the economy will get better at some point and you will be employable. Now, if you really believe you may hurt yourself then I suggest putting yourself in the hospital for evaluation. There are programs and grants that will probably help defer or absorb all of the costs due to your financial situation.

Thank-you everyone .. but I still don't feel any better i have felt like this for three years.

Disconnect from your situation for the time being if you can. Do this by going out into nature if possible. In doing so you may find something you were not aware of. Perhaps in the near silence and peace your answers will come to you instead of you seeking them out. Do this if you can or feel it might help.