Please help - I'm getting kicked out of the house...

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I'm a truly terrible person. I've lied to my parents again, this time about the completion status of my online physics class. I told them that it had been done on June 17, and I was certain that I'd have it done by the time the next progress report rolls around. But the report came sooner than I'd expected, and now I have to explain everything to my parents. They - my mom especially - have decided not to trust me anymore, and what kind of daughter can't be trusted? What will I do to them once I grow up? I don't blame her at all for thinking this way, and I hadn't really thought about how I'd treat my parents in the future. It chills me to the bone to think that I might be so self-centered and heartless as to neglect them. An incorrigible liar. That's what I am.

Since I'm now 18, my parents can now legally kick me out of the house and force me to live and work somewhere else. My mom has given me a few days to pack up my stuff. When the time comes, she'll drop me off wherever I choose to go, and I'll never be allowed in the house again. She'll provide money for me to buy food and pay rent for the first month, but no more. I don't know if she means it this time, because she's threatened to kick me out before, and every other time, it's just been her on one of her angry rants. But this time it seems very real because she's actually explained everything. She hasn't talked to me since, and she didn't let me eat dinner tonight. Not in her house, not her food. She refuses even to call me her own child.

I know some of you got kicked out of the house when you were 18 or even younger, and I understand that you may not consider this a problem. But the thing is, I'm scared.

What I'm afraid of is the fact that I'll no longer have the future I wanted to have. I won't be able to go to MIT, or any other college for that matter, which has always been my plan, backup plan, and secondary backup plan. I'll have to fend for myself, which I've had close to no training in, and I'm afraid even for my own life. I've lived a sheltered life - I don't know the first thing about finances and how everything in life works. I hadn't planned for anything like this to happen, and now my future is going down the drain overnight. I'm crying my heart out as I type this - I'm not ready for the real world. I want to go to college. I want to have a decent job. I want to be secure and happy. I don't want this to happen. This home is the only place I've ever known, and my parents were the only people who cared. I'd give anything not to change that.

I've even gone as far as to think about suicide, but I'm just not that kind of person. I can live a miserable life, but I won't kill myself.

Sweet Pea hugs

Prayers.

I've got $130 and a bunch of stuff I can probably sell. Who wants to go in on a spectrumite mansion with me? It'll need about 70,000 rooms. I am so disgusted with NT attitudes anymore I'm getting to the "F- 'em all" point fast. But on a serious note it is imperative that a way be found so people can't pull this kind of crap on us ever again. I know OP's pain, I'm tired of my way of life being threatened because I can't snap my fingers and get over it.

Sorry but people can be F-ed up in the head, treating a living thing like a piece of furniture to be discarded because it doesn't match the drapes. I could tell them where to go but they've already got it locked on their GPS

Statement retracted.

retracted

I think your mom's reactions's rather extreme. What a situation. Why can't you go to MIT? Don't let this ruin it all for you!

I think that is really extreme. You lied about one thing that doesn't really have an effect on them. It's not like you got violent with them or stole several hundred dollars of their stuff to sell for drug money.

If you can manage and not end up homeless maybe you are better off without them.

Can you try to find out if she can legally do that? In my country parents are obligated to take care of their children older than 18 if they are studying (cannot support themselves).

I just can't start to imagine how you are feeling right now...
Let me think of a proper answer later...

My mom did this to me when I was 18 and had just started college. I had been working part time as a cash register clerk at a pharmacy, and I switched to full time so I could support myself. I got a roommate which helped tremendously. Overall the transition wasn't as difficult as I thought it woud be. I ended up dropping out of college after one year because I couldn't figure out what I wanted to do - a mistake I regret to this day. Later, my younger sister voluntarily moved out on her own at the age of 17, and she managed to work full time plus stay in college and she became an attorney!

If you don't get kicked out, get a part time job so you won't be so afraid of the world.

I don't think a simple hiccup with a physics class is worth your parents reaction. Unless said physics class cost them like $50k, they're in no position to react like this. It's your future, not theirs. They're the ones throwing your future away, not you.

Can your mom be reasoned with? Apologize for lying and make it as sweet sounding as possible.

She hasn't said a word, but this might be an opportunity for you to--and get back in her good graces. Certain types of parents like to know they are heard the first time (respected), if you have a way to verify your work with her in the future show her and prove it won't happen again.

Better yet explain why you lied in full detail the first time.

Work out a literal plan with her as to when you can leave, tell her exactly what you wrote in this post and that you have no back up plan.

Also if you have a scholarship or financial aid, consider saving up money slowly.. and moving out as soon as you have enough to find your own place. If she lets you stay a year, even pennies add up over time. If you're able, work part time as well.

If you can stay longer, take that time to learn about finances and anything else you're worried about.

Do you have any family members who'd take you in for a while if you could find a way to contribute?

I was kicked out of my home as well and thought that I wouldn't have the future I wanted to have. The truth is-- even in the worst case scenario, it'd just be harder, it'll still be available. Hang in there

I agree, and I find it's even more of an overreaction when it is considered that she acknowledges her mistakes.

Albirea, any way you could try to reconcile? You seem to appreciate the error of what you did ... when you're young, you make mistakes, it's normal, your parents are not supposed to expect you to be perfect, they are supposed to expect that you will listen and work on better behaviour. They're not supposed to give up on their teenage children over a mistake, especially not when the person acknowledges the error. It's not like you've been caught selling hard drugs or something here.

[quote="Albirea"]I'm a truly terrible person. I've lied to my parents again, this time about the completion status of my online physics class. ... They - my mom especially - have decided not to trust me anymore, and what kind of daughter can't be trusted? What will I do to them once I grow up? I don't blame her at all for thinking this way, and I hadn't really thought about how I'd treat my parents in the future. It chills me to the bone to think that I might be so self-centered and heartless as to neglect them. An incorrigible liar. That's what I am. (end quote)

To start with, I really feel the need to address this. Lying to your parents about the status of your schoolwork DOES NOT make you a terrible person. It does not mean that you are some sort of selfish monster and certainly doesn't inticate that you will be neglectful or cruel in the future. What it does mean is that you are a human. No, lying is not a great behavioral choice on your part. Yes, we should all try to listen to the angels of our better natures, strive to be better than we are and all of that. But we err, Alberia, every single one of us. It's the human condition, and teenagers lying to their parents is part of life. The important part here is that you acknowledge your mistake. Now PLEASE try to forgive yourself.

I've gotten the impression that black & white, all or nothing thinking is pretty common among people here. It's certainly a trait of mine and I think you're doing that right now. I can see why as you're facing a hugely stressful and traumatic situation. Still, this does not mean your entire life is ruined. Even if you can't find a way to reconcile with your parents, college is still an option. You may not be able to enroll full-time, at least not immediately, but it can be done. You'll need to learn how to budget carefully and how to balance work and school. It'll be tough, espically at first, but it will be worth it.

I agree with previous posters that your mom's reaction is pretty extreme here, and also can't help but wonder about some sort of chemical imbalance on her part. Also, your parents have done you no favors by sheltering you. It's their job to raise you to be a capable, self-sufficient adult. Still, life skills like finances can be learned. Hang in there.

Albirea - like other posters have said this does seem like an over-reaction by your Mom.

As edgewaters has said, it may be worth seeing if you can reconcile. It sounds like your Mom is very angry at the moment, can you talk with your Dad or another family member or family friend about the situation?

You could explain you apologise, you really do not want to leave (all the things you said in your post above) and see if the family member or family friends can help sort things out, maybe advocate on your behalf.

Also as someone else suggested, are there any other family and friends you could go and stay with,?

Even if it was just for a week or so, this might allow things calm down a bit with your Mom; if your Mom is adamant you must leave you might want to see if you could stay with them for a longer period.

Also, does your local area have any young people support services you could talk to about the situation, who could help you talk through things with your parents, and if this did not work, help you sort out somewhere to live?

Look after yourself.

{edited for clarification and for typos}