need some kind of help or escape

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I am extremely suicidal. I don't know who to tell I don't know what to do. I already tried and was in the hospital a week ago and I feel the strong impulse to try again. I have a bunch of pills and alcohol to take. I don't want to die, I am so frightened there's no way for me to describe it, I am so sad and cut off from everything good I can't take it.

the US national crisis hotline is 1-800-273-talk.

I am afraid they are going to tell me I need to go to the hospital. I've been to hospitals five times in the past nine months and was made to stay for about a week each for inpatient psychiatric help three of those times and it is something that has not helped me and caused even more stress. I feel like I've been dead since last summer now except in a strange way that gets even more intense and I am in despair because nothing helps. I have tried everything. Thank you for the number I just don't know what to do, I don't have the energy for another round of this stuff that for all its good intentions just doesn't give me any relief, I feel like there must be a point at which I can just be allowed to escape and this will turn out to be nothing more than a bad dream.

is there anything you enjoy doing that could distract you for a while from thinking about killing yourself?

have your life circumstances been disappointing you in some way? circumstances change. i'd like you to be around when that happens. suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

I am trying things but I am at the point of not bejng able to enjoy things I always did. Thank you for the suggestion. Thank you for the care you've shown. Yes it has been a really devastating year. I don't know what more to say I just don't see any possible relief.

I care too. Keep writing to us on here. Private Message me if you'd like to. I'm a great listener. And please keep writing on here so we know you're hanging in there. I know it must be tough now I've felt that way before too but life did get better.

I have a saying that got me through times I felt this way. "Wait and see what happens today. You can always kill yourself tomorrow." I don't know if I heard it someplace or made it up myself, but it really works. Aren't you curious to see how your life will turn out? Just work on getting through today and see how it goes. If you're at the point of contemplating suicide you have absolutely nothing to lose by waiting.

In the meantime if you want to discuss anything that's bothering you in particular this is a wonderful forum for that.

I don't mean to sound gross in any way but have you considered 'below the belt' stimming? If anything it should give a good blast of endorphins. It may be a little difficult to get into that frame of mind but it seems better to try that rather than chemicals. Who knows?

Hi CloudLayer. *Hugs you compassionately* x Please take great care of yourself. Would you like a pm? I will try to help you in any way I can. You are worth a lot. We are all worth a lot. I would love to help.

Thank you for the help. I'm embarrassed to be receiving that kind of help and kindness when I give out nothing. (Not criticizing you, saying you people are too good.)

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<--- Patting himself on the back.

Pills and alcohol are not guaranteed to kill you unless those are cyanide pills, most likely you will pass out for a few days and wake up in a hospital with your stomach pumped.

From personal experience these things can help take your mind off suicide:
- distractions (video games, movies, television, whatever)
- drugs and alcohol (very short term solution, I'm not recommending it, but it works, sometimes alcohol can make you more depressed though)
- stand outside in the daylight
- concentrate on your breath (mediation)
- talk to others, including here
- procrastinate about suicide (push it to next week and see what happens)

Long term solutions are more difficult...

Well I don't really know how to help, but I feel somewhat similarly..........I can think of more reasons to kill myself than not to, but I just try not to act on it and sometimes I self medicate with various drugs mostly cannabis and up until recently alcohol, but I am kind of sick of drinking so often I mean it got to the point where it was not even doing anything for me other than making me feel a bit ill in the morning and probably slowly causing brain damage.

So I guess what I am trying to say is I can kind of relate to how you feel, I tend to resort to drugs to feel better(not that I recommend it) but I know how it is to be suicidal and there are some who will never know how difficult it is.

I been through a bad depression years ago & I never found psychs, docs, counselors & meds to be much help. I found posting or chatting about it online with others who could somewhat relate or sympathize with my depression to be alot more helpful. Having someone listen who seemed to care helped me feel better & sort things out so I could better deal with he life circumstances that were contributing to my bad depression & other emotional problems. Some in this community are very caring & helpful if you want to post more or PM anyone or me.

Why exactly are you suicidal? Sorry if this comes off a bit strong but I find I can offer help best when I know what is really wrong first.

As far as it goes, you are far from alone in having these feelings! I have suffered from depression and anxiety issues for most of my teen years and on and off throughout my adult life. Meds never worked for me either. I have just learned how to cope with my thoughts and feelings by disconnecting from them and passing everything through a sieve of logic. My strategy is to basically not allow myself to experience certain emotions as legitimate unless I decide that they make sense and will not lead me down a dangerous or bad path. This doesn't mean I don't still have to deal with the feelings but rather that I can minimize the amount of time I spend dwelling on illogical feelings as I do not give them legitimacy.

*hugs*

I've had the feelings you are talking about and they are hell. Keep asking for help; are you taking anti-depressants? Finding the right one can be a miracle, but you have to have a doctor to get them. Keep working with the health care system, that's what they're there for.

Things can get better.