Comebacks and "escalating" statements in general

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Will what I'm going to say is going to set somebody off who will take advantage of my difficulty in both a) making good comebacks and b) getting people around me on my side in a way that doesn't make me feel emotionally damaged?

I admit it feels weird talking about b) because it's hard to answer the question, "How am I left emotionally damaged?" I think I have difficulty describing my emotional state in relation to real-world interactions because I have Asperger's syndrome. But I feel distressed about real-world interactions that involve "escalating" statements,

Comebacks are what I sometimes have trouble with. These statements are "escalating." One person tries to top the other. These "escalating" statements don't have to be like those in that MTV show "Yo Momma." It could be anything.

As a result of my difficulty with "escalating statements," I don't try to start arguments, when at all possible, because I think I know how they'd end if I expressed my anger verbally. So I have tried to develop this skill at avoiding argumentation--diplomacy. Instead of escalation, I try to smooth over every encounter I have (as much as I can). With my improvement in diplomatic skill I feel it has helped me tremendously in micro-nationalism, one of my hobbies. ( http://www.scholiast.org/nations/whatis ... alism.html ).

BUT, however diplomatic I may be, I truly think that these "escalations" in conversation, especially those over trivial matters, are very important in developing social bonds. I fear that if I cannot "get it" I will never get a good job or a romantic relationship, or have good friends in real life (comebacks are male humor) and not just online friends.

But my problem does extend to the online world. Just a couple of weeks ago I was cyberbullied on these forums in an incident which caused me to nearly stop posting. I did change my password and was preparing to leave for good when I convinced myself that this was just ONE person out of many good people at WP who happened to be taunting me.

Question: How does one deal with comebacks and "escalating" statements?

Here's an example from work, a call center. Instead of me calling other people it's vice-versa. Most conversations go well. I'm a good technician in my opinion and when someone has a tech support problem and that is being solved I feel the conversation is going well. Yet when the person has thanked me, I don't know what to say exactly. "You're welcome" and wait for them to say something? "You're welcome. Have a nice day." all in one statement? I could feel notebooks over these seemingly small details.

Occasionally I'll get a caller who, regardless of how the call goes, must have the last word:

"Thank you, Xon." (Xon being my pseudonym for the purposes here.)

"Your welcome."

"Thank you very much."

"Your welcome. Bye!"

"Thank you very, very much!"

"Bye" and I hang up with a sweat.

Most people would have known that the conversation ended there.

I, too, have trouble coming up with good comebacks to insults. I either stand there with a blank look on my face, or I get way too personal way to quickly.

"Hey, Werbert, I thought you handled that math problem well...NOT!"

"Yeah, well...your dad has rectal cancer."

Eh, they're over rated.

The only purpose a good comeback has is to help you feel like you have power after someone has knocked you down.


Don't worry about wit, or being clever. Just yell something with feeling and intensity.

"What the f*** do you know?"
"Why the hell should I give a damn?"

The only point to being witty is when you're trying to amuse yourself and or others.


There's not much point in trying to be deep, profound, or intelligent generally in these situations, because the other person just isn't going to care. But it's easy to get them furious ^_^.

If you aren't, well then comebacks are pointless.



If you just want out of the conversation? "If you don't mind, I'm not interested in this conversation." "No. I'm not talking about this." "What is your problem? We're not talking about this?" "Look you idiot. Why the hell can't you get this through your thick skull? Do you have some kind of mental problems? You must because you're so obsessed with talking about this! Get the hell away from me!"

Don't get me wrong, I don't have a problem with 'people with mental problems', but a lot of other people do


If it's groups that are doing it? Well then you're just screwed because there's no way you can win. Might want to leave with a (hopefully) crushing comment like "Well yeah, there's more of you so there's no way I can come out ahead in this. So congratulations, mass has won out over reason. If you'll excuse me, I have better things to do than have a pointless argument with you cavemen."

I suspect that a simple hand wave and 'pfft' is generally enough to avoid getting into something like this.


The problem arises, when you get someone who is absolutely dedicated to having a fight. I don't have an answer for those people

G'day Xon,

If you want my advice: Shoot straight and ride a fast horse!

Seriously, my advice is don't loose your cool. Loose your temper and you loose. Is the other person's opinion really so important to you that it makes you loose your cool?

I remember a great line from the Addams Family, where Gomaz says something and is queried by the other person, "what makes you say that?". Gomaz relied: "I don't know. I didn't think you'd ask".

Bouncing insults back to and fro will not serve any purpose. If you are dealing with an illogical a***hole, there is no point. Better to just say they are not important to you and you can't be bothered with them, and end it. IMO letting them feel they have some importance or power to make you upset is playing into their hands.