wondering what is wrong with me

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Yet another day in which I find myself wondering what is wrong with me. Seems like most of my life I've been ignored, or "tolerated". And when I try to assert myself, then I'm told that I need to get over this "what about me" phase that I'm in. But what about me? Don't I have needs and wants just as important as anyone else? I put up with doing what everyone else wants me to do until I can't take it anymore, then I start pushing to get what I need for a change. Needless to say, it creates problems, especially with my wife. Does anyone else have this problem and how do you cope with it?

What do you need?

It seems to me from what you've written that you're feeling invisible and want validation from others. This is perfectly reasonable. You have to be careful with it, though, because then you can start relying on other people too much. Maybe you need to take care of yourself more? Do things that just you enjoy doing... claim an activity as your own, maybe join a club? Or maybe you are surrounded by very demanding people. Maybe you need more space, more time alone to get your thoughts in order and your needs met? Can you meet your own needs, or do you need help from others?

I don't know enough of the specifics to give you exactly what you need, but I do have a theory. People with Asperger's typically reference the world around them off of personal experience, rather than shared experience. Thus, we tend to use personal anecdotes to relate to others, and sometimes this comes off to NTs as selfishness. So, it may well be that your communication style is giving off the wrong vibe and making it appear as though you think everything is about you when that is not what you mean. Now, how do you change this? You have to learn to listen to what others are saying and then return their concerns along with suggestions without putting yourself in the mix, or at least reducing your personal anecdotes. This is not easy to learn and it will take time and practice. However, I think that if you can work on this you will find that others are more willing to give you your due.