Where did the old me go??? =(

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Holy f***ing s**t...


I have not ranted in a long time.It's time that I do that.


Lately,I've been moodier than usual and I have been snapping off to people.ALSO,whenever I hear people talk bad about me I confront them about it.I even beat up this girl two weeks ago at my old school's fall festival,because she basically said that I was a bisexual prostitute.I dragged her outside and hit,slapped,punched,kicked,and shoved her until she was black-and-blue and nearly unconsious.Yes,I did get in trouble.

I used to just shrug it off and laugh at them.Now I go off and beat people within an inch of thier lives.

And I can't take jokes like I used to.

*sighs*

I bet some of you has noticed that,too...


-SpaceCase

I have to ask you.. don't take this offensively.


Do you feel bad about physically hurting her?

I've lost it and hurt others before, and I felt terrible after, until at least I'd explained to them why it happened (for me was always repressing myself, end up losing it worst against people I love) and I've realised it only hurts me to lose it, I have to stay away from situations that will cause that, at least until I know when I'm about to break into anger, because the past few times I didn't even know the rage and hatred was coming until it was too late. Maybe you need to somehow focus on what you need to do, or what you love most, something you can release your anger into even.

In the aftermath though I see exactly what it was, and truly, no one deserves to be hurt by another, mentally and physically.

Personally I've worked out a way to live without hurting others, I hope you can too.

I can understand the temptation.I have always talked or joked my way out of conflicts but I wondered what I would do if I couldnt.I am afraid if I started I wouldnt know how to stop.Bad karma.....

I'm curious to know: is there anything other than violence that would have stopped her from bad-mouthing you? What other possible approach will work? I know the rule is that violence is never okay (unless war is declared; then it becomes righteous somehow), but what ARE our alternatives? Knowing the alternatives may help us cope better. How do we deal with animals who seem to understand nothing else?

I empathise with you, because I used to have an anger problem. If anybody called me a derogitory name, during my School Years, I used to inflict pain on them. I was taught through the spankings that I've recieved as a child, that if somebody pisses me off, I should hurt them. I obvoiusly don't do that, anymore being that I'm now a grown-up. I've learned to ignore such comments the best that I can. You'll mellow out in time, just like I have.

Sorry,double post.

The feelings that I'm struggling with, are the same. The issue is different. I used to be this happy family person. I used to love to be around my parents. I'd actually talk to my sister. I love my family members very much, but I have a strange way of showing them. If I screw up with at least one family member in their house, I apologise and tell them that I'm headed back to my place. If it's almost dinner time, I apologise and than I head to my flat, or I get offered a ride. I really don't want to be around my parents, after I've acted rude. I keep asking myself what happened to that happy family girl who put her heart into everything that she did.