When is it time to just walk away?

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I have been good friends with someone for twenty years and he knows all the ins and outs of my Asperger's Syndrome. He has seen me at my worst and he knows I have a history of depression. We used to live across the street from eachother back in our hometown. We grew up with eachother. His parents knew from a young age there was something wrong with me considering the lack of eye contact I had when communicating. He may not have noticed. Over the period of the first 12 years, he noticed that I did not quite develop the social skills that other NT's develop during the same time period. I of course allowed myself to get overweight and out of shape and pretty depressed. While he and other friends we had developed their first relationship, I became bitter and depressed at my inability to connect with women and other new friends at an emotional level, or even physical;. This was while we were 18 years old.

Four years went by. I was 22, and I went through one of the worst emotional shutdowns of my life. I may have had some girl develop some emotional feelings for me, and I did not know how to reciprocate. My response was to sell myself as the worst person she could meet to scare her off. It did not work. I decided to start verbally attacking her, and eventually she left because she could not take the emotional pain of dealing with me. The only person I had that wanted to be with me, I scared her off because I was the biggest coward I could have made myself out to be. I recently apologized to this girl after four years of silence explaining to her who I was and why it happened, but also explaining that she never deserved such treatment and pain from me. I of course apologized to her for any pain I may have caused her and told her that I wished the best for her.

After that girl, I radically changed who I was, and dropped from a size 40 inch waist weighing around 260 lbs to a 32-34 inch waist weighing around 190 lbs. I took great pride in the weight loss. Over the course of time, i accomplished some simple goals of graduating college, moving to a new city (that best friend lives in this new city as well), and finding work in this new city. It has been two years since I have moved, and in the two years, I have become lonely and depressed. The goal at first upon moving was to get myself into a decent financial position. That has been accomplished. After that, the goal was to get out and meet new people and go out on dates. While I have met some new people, I can't help but feel that I just don;t fit in here. My good friend form my old town had some issues, but he manages to get by with his personality since he is a bit of an extrovert.

Recently, he became good friends with a girl we have both known for about 10 years (I'll call her Jen). Jen dated one of our friends for about 8 years and had developed a good emotional attraction to him. This particular couple have since split up, but she still does not know if she wants this boyfriend back. When it comes to my friendship with Jen, she has seen me at my worst, but may not know of my Asperger's and may see me from a different point of view as my good friend. When my good friend hangs out with Jen, I usually never get invited to come along.. We have hung out a few times, but my best friend hangs out with her way more than I do. She also has a roommate (I;ll call her Jane) who she seems to treat like her best friend. I have had some issues getting along with Jane and she seems to have some similar issues that I have. The only difference between me and Janel is she had a choice to connect with others, while I did not

Tonight, I was hanging out with all of these friends as well as a new person in the new person's apartment. The first thing Jen said to me was "Mike" but the tone of voice sounded like she did not seem happy to see me. I commented on that in private with my best friend. He said nothing. Later on, when the group was about to head to a bar, I told my best friend through text message to avoid saying it out loud that I was not going and was not likely going to be hanging out with the group anymore. He asked me why, and I told him "Because Jen didn't seem to want me there." His response was "She asked me to invite you" I thought this was weird considering her greeting to me and the lack of a greeting from Jane. I then told this good friend "No more condescending BS" and he acted as if he had no clue what I meant. Jen left the apartment to go somewhere and wait for everyone. I said goodbye to everyone else that was left and walked back to my car. I did not bump into Jen on my way down and let the best friend know that through text message.

I am not sure what the hell is going on in my head anymore. I went on vacation from work two months ago because of a severe depression that was preceded by an emotional shutdown,. An emotional shutdown had not happened in four years prior to that. I got back from vacation and was asked to hang out the first night back with the best friend, Jen, and Jane. That was the first night I met Jane. Since then, I seem to be getting more bitter and depressed, but no emotional shutdown has happened. I don;t know what is going on. I have spent countless hours and days at home doing pretty much nothing but writing my personal novel as well as watching TV shows.. There has been some fitness involved in there as well, but I can't seem to make myself feel any better from that. Is it time to just cut these friends loose? Or am I just under a dry spell and need to think more clearly?

I think you read too much into her response to you. If it were me, I would have waited to see how the night went before jumping to any conclusions. I have done this sort of thing to myself too many times to let it happen again. I suggest next time you try to stick it out and see what happens.

Maybe this post is better in social skills forum?
Found out that I apparently made Jane feel uncomfortable a couple times in the past, and that may be the reason I am not invited out more often. No one has told me the reason why. I guess she got the vibe that I liked her, and I did find her attractive, but chose not to approach because she indicated that she was "seeing" someone. Jen and the best friend backed this claim up because they had met him. Apparently they don't like this guy either, and have tried to push Jane into getting to know me. She won't budge into this pressure, which I don't mind at all. It's not my place to interfere.anyway, and not sure we are a good match either. I don't know how she feels uncomfortable because she did accept a friend request on Facebook weeks ago. It was confirmed that it was nothing I said or did, Jane just doesn't like me. That brings up another issue entirely, which may influence whether I do get invited out again.

out of place and chronos:
As for the part I missed. I was already miserable when I left. I may have typed up this message while tired and missing some details. I left early because I didn't want to risk making my night worse, and everyone else's night less fun than it already was for them. If I was in a better mood, I would have stuck it out. Both Jen and the best friend have seen me ruin fun nights in the past. Why give them another bad night? In fact, why give new people in my life a bad night when they don't know me well?

Thinking about it now, Jen does see the bad, but she may in fact see the guy who is positive and approachable. There had been plenty of times she had seen me around since moving to Ottawa to strike up a decent conversation for a few minutes before heading off to wherever she is going. Thinking about it now, the issue with her may be simple It just might be the exposure, and the mere fact that I am only supposed to be acquainted with her, not friends with her. Me and the best friend, well, you already know the story. I just think there might be a power struggle going on because of how often Jen and Jane are hanging out with the best friend, and I don't get invited to come along. To complicate this further, one of Jen and Jane's friends is currently in some sort of long distance relationship with the best friend, and they try and keep him on a tight leash so that he doesn't "screw it up". Where I feel upset about this is that I have tried to make friends on my own, and now I am trying to stick with what makes me feel comfortable. Aside from Jane, I am not sure how comfortable everyone else is with me.

You haven't convinced me the two are in any sort of largescale argument...seems you are just nervous about conflict possibly because of your childhood.

I think you are finding faults where they are not there like Chronos suggested. Just see if things can work and defy perceptions.

[quote="aspiemike]To UK posters. Cottage/cottaging means something else completely over here. [/quote]

What does it mean in Europe if it isn't too dirty to mention?

That is an autistic personality type...a paranoid type that attacks out of fear of others planning against them. The ebst thing to do would be to lower your social anxiety likely.