Back to a Place of Pain

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Ever since the incident I brought up with this topic (<-- clickable), I have been at home, taking my remaining two online classes. But in three days, I have to go back to my college to get next semester's books, ask about my Honor's contract, pick up the rest of my stuff from my dorm room, ask about financial aid for the summer, and say goodbye to all of my friends. My mom is going with me.

The thing is, I really wish I didn't have to go back. I hate the fact that I'll have to deal with some of the people who caused me so much pain recently, and I hate having to tell my friends goodbye. I know that I have to prepare for next semester, but sometimes, I wish that I could just give up. I know that it's hard to find a well-paying job without a degree these days, but I'm sick and tired of not being able to to what I wanted to do for 14+ years just because I have Asperger's.

I sometimes feel that since I cannot become a teacher (like I wanted to), there's nothing else I can do. I know it's not true, but I still feel that way sometimes.

I hate my life right now. I won't harm myself physically, but I hate myself. I wish I didn't have to have Asperger's. It has ruined my life.

Sorry for all of this, I just needed to vent.

Tharja, you are too young for this to have ruined your life. You are going through a tough time right now, and I really feel for you. My early twenties sucked, I was in a very dark place, and to be honest I think I'm pretty lucky I came out the other side. But it can be done, you do get through it, you just have to put one foot in front of the other and keep fighting. As the Winston Churchill quote goes "if you are going through hell, keep going".

It sounds as though it is all getting a bit much for you. Is there a way you can take a bit of a break for a short while? You have done amazingly well to get as far as you have. Despite the fact I am very capable academically I still dropped out of college, so don't be so hard on yourself, you have achieved a huge amount already. Take care.

A huge hug for you
Moomingirl

Thanks. You're very kind.

I hope that I can find a way out of this. I don't think I'll be allowed to take a break, but I only have three classes left, so I guess it will be okay,

Most people you meet in those type of situations are rather temporary in your life. Kind of like things you come accross along the road. Some are like interesting animals you get a short glimpse of, others are like pretty foliage. Some, sometimes many, are like cowpies. Just try and be flexible and avoid the piles and they will soon be far behind you. Main thing is don't let them stop you.

Haha, thanks. You had a good explanation.