No emotions, I'm not of this earth

Post Reply New Topic

Time for my usual rambling:

I tend to feel "flat" emotionally. My depression is not a "sad" one, rather a state of mind where I'm not really "alive". I feel like a phsycial object with no soul, an organic matter only feeding itself to stay alive. I feel my life has no purpose even though I strive for my obsession(music) it seems pointless... I find no joy in anything whatsoever and would have no problem taking my own life.
I feel strung out socially, like I'm not there but merely observing those around me. I feel invisible and detached, like I'm an observing "journalist" in its own sense. Like I am there only to gather information...
I cannot enjoy a social situation like a neurotypical person can because of the tension I experience either when around small or very large groups.
In some cases, I have no problems being around with one person at a time. But this is only with my best friend, family, or people that I tend to communicate well with. And those are few.
In groups of three I am an excellent leader. In groups of five I'm a geek, a silent, stiff idiot.
And in parties I am the lonesome drunkard who drink himself out of this world, half-sleeping in a chair.

I feel unrecognized. I strive to create beautiful music, yet I do not get the recognition I deserve. A few remarks here and there, well well. But I want to be praised as revolutionary! As some supernatural super-talented prodigy!
I need to be praised! Looked up to and respected. I don't want to become another inferior human like everyone else... I want to be sought after by girls and looked up to by everyone.


So that was my rambling for today. I hope you enjoyed

I know just what you mean, and I feel the same usually.

I found I do have emotions, I just don't experience them that conciously. i.e, I am not aware I like someone untill I spend some time with sayd person, and after he/she is gone I suddenly realise I actually had a good time when I think it over.

". I feel my life has no purpose even though I strive for my obsession(music) it seems pointless... I find no joy in anything whatsoever and would have no problem taking my own life. "
I feel like this most of the time too, but I changed my obsession into something far more enjoyable and achievable, and now I'm doing fine. You should look for a way to fulfill your life, if music doesn't work. Try working with people, or animals. This seems to help a lot to us aspies.

"I feel strung out socially, like I'm not there but merely observing those around me."
Dear Gods, you described exactly what I feel when I am not hyperactive. And I haven't found a solution to this, all I can do at those moments is just withdraw, and drink a lot of coffee.

"I cannot enjoy a social situation like a neurotypical person can because of the tension I experience either when around small or very large groups. "

If you are indeed like me, avoid large groups, they cause tention and frustration. This is because we can not function in large groups, and we can not get our points across.

I totally understand you, and I bet many on this web page do.
I hope you'll find a solution one day.

Hence why this is called WRONG PLANET.

The most depressing thing about having AS is not necessarily the inability to do smalltalk but feeling emotionally "estranged" from people.

I hope things improve with you soon!

Do you still have any ideas about the recent spam issue on this forum?

Are you indicating that i spam?
I don't think I do. I never post unless I have something usefull to say.
But that definition is up to every individual.
Some may think my posts are spam. I hope not

No, I sent a PM to you yesterday about the recent spam issue, and you have yet to respond.

I think you were just avoiding me when you didn't tell me what you thought about your own feelings in regard to spam, either.

I think AS bears a striking similarityto anti-social personality disorder. I mean, if some of you guys experience very little emotion, and you feel like your just an organic object that has no soul, that's pretty much like someone with anti-social personality disorder. They experience very little emotion if any. I can't say I feel the same since I've been diagnosed with a mild case of AS, but I sometimes feel much the same way in that I experience very little empathy. However, I do feel sadness, joy, excitement, etc, so I'm not utterly without emotion. Please don't take this post way too seriosly because I'm just expressing my opinions.

I used to think that I didn't have the capability for emotion.

When, in elementary school language arts classes, we were asked to write to prompts such as "How did you feel when Jenna winked at the main character of the story?" I would respond, "I don't know, as I am incapable of emotional feeling".

Which I genuinely thought. Being told I had Aspergers probably only heightened this feeling, as it was part of the diagnosis.

But of course... I proved myself wrong. By telling myself I had no emotions I gave my mind no choice bit to live that lifestyle. If you don't think about the issue - or, conversely, convince yourself that you DO have the capability of emotional thought - maybe you will.

Reading your post, though, I think you had to have emotional capability in order to explain the means by which you are depressed. It's just that conventional feeling words don't explain what you're going through.

Consistent with your observations, I think it's more accurate to say not that people with AS are devoid of emotion, but unless they learn to recognize their plethora of emotions, they will have the emotions without even recognizing that they are experiencing it. Like if I were to ask, "Have you ever felt 'intrigued' by something?" It might be hard to say that I ever felt that... but if I didn't know what exactly to look for in that word, I wouldn't know that I felt it. Kind of like having an object for a very long time, and being very familiar with it, but not actually knowing what the object was called. Then when you finally find out what the name of it is, then you're like "Oh! Now I get it!" At least that's how it was for me. Was this the case for you guys?

If you were using antisocial in a psychological sense, antisocial personalities doesn't mean not able to socialize, but a blatant disregard for the rules of society. Criminals and psychopaths are labeled antisocial, loners are not.

In regards to the poster, I feel the exact same way. Not sad, not happy, not alive, but just not there most of the time. Other than that, I do not feel joy, or excitement. The only feelings that I cycle through are sadness, anger, anxiety, and relief. I can't remember ever feeling joy in whole life, it was always more like a sense of relief. I'll laugh alot with others, but only because somethings funny, not ever because I'm happy or filled with joy.

Very few people get recognized for their musical ability, so I wouldn't bet the farm on that being the thing that will make you happy.

That statement is indicative of your knowledge of what it feels like. The base description of any emotion is rooted in a intrinsic understanding of it. You know, therefore you have felt it, even if you do not remember it. It might not have been very strong, but its different than relief.

Hmmm.....I'm not so sure. I can't ever remember feeling what losing a limb feels like, I know it hurts more than getting stitches. Now, do I know what losing a limb feels like even though I can compare (correctly I might add, as losing a limb is surely more painful than getting stitches) it with another feeling and describe it (it would hurt like hell!! !!)? I don't think so. Maybe I have felt it, maybe I haven't, but your criteria is not a method of proof. And, more importantly, I cannot remember feeling it, which is really the only thing that matters.

I have seen other people in joy, but I picture only the picture, the content is empty for me. When I think of joy, I think of a situation, but the situation doesn't hold any content, its colorless, I cannot imagine the emotion itself, only a possible situation in which I believe it is occurring.

we talked about something like this in health class today:
i think the reason you feel this way is because you have no goals set up for yourself, my health teacher literally explained how you said you feel on our discussion on long-term/short-term goals... try to set up a goal or two, you will definatally feel better

Quite right sir. It is the only thing that matters.



It is akin to an adrenaline rush. I dont feel it often myself.

Exactly!! !! ! I feel like I get all worked up, but can never "break through" so to speak and actually capture the emotion. Like running into a glass sliding door. I see it!! !, its right over there, but I can never get to it. Happiness is my pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.