Stressed and Ill - Scared of what might happen.

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Some of you might have noticed I've been participating more in the forums recently, there is no question that this is in relation to recent evenst, this forum gives my mind something friendly to focus on when I'm too stressed for my interests.
Essentially, things are starting to build up and make me feel ill again, as they did before I moved from my parents.
I'm going to see my new doctor to try to get things running for a diagnosis. I tried in my old location but kept being given dead ends and eventually was pointed in the direction of a specialist therapist who works with people with Aspergers and HFA. She helped settle a few things for me, but there are no medical records of me seeing her as she was working from a charity, not the NHS. Unfortunately she was not able to diagnose me officially as she was not qualified, and could not really suggest anyone equipped to diagnose an adult female.

Whenever anything about me going for a diagnosis comes into things, it catches my nerves horribly. I feel weak, headachy and sick. I know I need a diagnosis and some professional support, as I haven't been able to cope properly since I left school, and have needed a lot of support from family.
It was only last year that it was suggested that I may be on the Autistic Spectrum, and since then whenever it has come up about seeing professionals about it I have been reacting with extreme stress, when I first found out my problems seemed to get worse from the stress, rather than better from knowing what the problem was, as my parents thought it would go. (this caused a lot of tension between us that only made things even worse, resulting in me having a breakdown and walking out terrified in just a t-shirt in minus temperatures, only to spend the night sleeping in a pub garden before finding my way to the hospital to search for help the next day)
I recently moved in with my fiancee, and they are very accepting of my problems so there has been less stress on that level, but I left my job due to the travel costs, hoping to make money from drawing portraits. Unfortunately my own money has almost dried up and I have not had any orders for portraits, causing that stress.
On top of that I worry that I am stressing my fiancee, and also the fear of seeing the doctor and getting things going again has come back. I'm reaching breaking point again, I feel paralyzed and unable to think about my interests, I'm feeling sick and my throat has become swollen again(stress leaves me prone to this and blood deficiency), my stomach feels bruised and I keep going dizzy and tired.

I keep going through scenarios in my head about being passed among the wrong people for a long time and being left in limbo. Or, as I have been sensitive about my weight, thinking what will happen if the doctor says I need to loose weight? (I have been warned she tends to do this)
I keep worrying about not being taken seriously, or just about the diagnostic process.
I don't know why this stresses me so much, when it's supposed to be a good thing, I know that the doctor I'm seeing is better equipped than the doctors I have seen before to get me to the right place, and my fiancee has helped me by doing research on places that can diagnose me so that he can suggest them. I know that if I am going back to college I will need the help to get through it, and I will need help with finding my way through life afterwards and dealing with bad memories.

I keep feeling like running again, or curling up in a cupboard until my appointment.
I've tried talking to my partner, but he just keeps getting stressed. I feel bad for it.
I don't even know why I feel like this.
Does anyone know what I'm feeling? How did you cope?

I can't say I know exactly how you are feeling, only that I have been part way there.

But one thing that stands out to me is that you have been unhooking from some important things, like school and a job. I think it's possible that this might be adding to the stress rather then relieving it. School and jobs can benefit you in many ways and are really to be seen as postive developments. They help keep you moving forward, are steps towards making a living and also distract you from negative thoughts. I know at times when all else seemed rotten for me, I could focus my energy at least on my work and provide a stable backbone for my life to reform on, when I came out of a mental downswing and started up again.

If art is the profession you desire, by all means persue it, but it may not be feasible to make it your primary work/source of income, at least for a while.

I suppose that's a mistake I have made, but I didn't really have much option with fuel costs and travel time the way it was. It's an alien situation to me, and I had enough enthusiasm about my portraits that I expected at least 1 order in the first month.
The worst cause of anxiety is the doctor and diagnosis situation.
I'm a little calmer now my fiancee is back from work, but he can't be around all the time for comfort.

On the diagnosis you are right in seeing it as important, and especially getting the diagnosis correct. A good diagnosis will establish a baseline of knowledge as far as what what treatments or medications have proven useful to others in your shoes. But I think your message is that you know that, but what to do in the meantime.

The main thing that comes to mind is to realize you have ultimate control over yourself and to be your own best advocate, not tolerating poor work on the part of professionals. Allow them the benefit of doubt and try their suggestions but if you believe they are off-target, be persistant and do what you have to to make them listen to you or get a new doctor. In other words don't settle for second best. If this approach makes sense to you, then hopefully you will gain more confidence that ultimately you will get a grip on what's going on and how best to improve it.

A few other thoughts:

Perhaps investigate the commercially available natural remedies such as Herbal Teas and such that are supposed to help with stress and anxiety. You don't want to waste your time or money on useless stuff so good online research would be where to start, looking for things that people have tried and reccomend. Things like this usually only have a limited effect, but added with other initiatives in other areas can add up.

Do a study on how to improve the marketing of your work. Try to look at as many options and ideas as possible to show and advertize your portrait work, utilizing free or nearly free tools and sites on the web. It can be time consuming, but also can work. I do a small online business, and have tried different approaches. A few produce results quickly, and others just seem to sit there, but over time route some business to me. In fact, sometimes have to pull back my advertizing because I can only manage a limited ammount of business. Unfortunately its not similiar enough to yours to give more practical advice, it not being the right business model. But I would start with keyword searches finding all places that might relate to your work. A place like Etsy comes to mind and their must be others. Subject related forums too can be worth investigating. Some allow you to sell/advertize and some don't, and you just have to read their guidelines. Periodically re-search as new places come on-line regularly.

Hi, sorry I haven't replied sooner, I got a bit distracted.
Saw the doctor and it has put my mind at rest a lot, she seems have come across Aspergers before.
It turns out that I have tonsillitis, though, so that explains a lot. Probably why I've been feeling so ill and panicky.
Thank you for your advice, I appreciate it.