Control

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It's like I have a Hulk inside of me, something that only comes out when I can't controll my feelings any longer. That something, wants me to feel pain, it wants to break down completely and take over and a part of me wishes it would.

Today I managed to calm down, after 10 minutes of constant rocking back and forth and calmly stroking my arms up and down. Yesterday I wasn't so lucky and I cut myself for the first time in 3 months. Not a big scar, but I have to say I enjoyed the feeling of blood slowly running down my arm.

I feel as I'm losing my control over my life once more. I don't know what to do. I now think the real cause for all this is my constant failure to understand humans. At work I misinterpret my coworkers a lot, I fret over things I've done wrong and I am constantly stressed and anxious.

PM'd

Top right of screen.

I do this too. Like I'm hugging myself. It helps.


I've found this website to be helpful:
RecoverYourLife
Cutting can feel good at the time, but it leads down a dangerous road.


It's a horrible feeling, but don't think it will last forever. Do you have a doctor. It may help to express your frustration and sometimes they can offer useful suggestions. I've struggled with these feelings my whole life (I'm 42,) but slowly, with help, I'm learning to cope without cutting myself. I hope you feel better soon. *hugs*

When I get upset like that, I punch a wall. Make sure theres not a stud behind it though.