Page 1 of 1 [ 4 posts ] 

JoeRose
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 22 Dec 2011
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 185

04 Aug 2012, 10:39 pm

I've just gotten in after my "birthday night out" and I'm really not happy. I simply cannot socialise. Socialisation completely eludes me. I can't even muster up the energy sometimes to reply to people. Not only do I not have any instinct at how to direct conversation but I actually cannot do it because I don't have the energy. It makes me feel so bad. Especially when I see old friends that I used to converse with regularly. I just cannot cut it.
And then when I try and be friendly or make a joke or something people just take what I say as a bit offensive. Everyone kept saying to me - "it's your birthday night out!" and I simply don't know what to say back. Am I meant to say something enthusiastic and energetic back? How is that even possible.

I look around me and every single person my age is socialising, having fun, hooking up with other girls and I'm just stood there lost in this strange land of social interaction.

Will this ever get better? What is next for me? I don't really enjoy living that much. How can I, if I can't have fun when doing the most simple of human things: socialising!

Even my close friends move away from me when they realise I can't make conversation and just make the situation completely awkward.

I don't know what I'm meant to do. Or how to resolve this situation. I just feel so alone in this alien world. The only thing I get enjoyment out of is music, cigarettes and sleeping. Cause at least when I'm sleeping I don't have to face the day and the inadequacies in my persona it makes me feel.

The only thing that would make me happy is to meet someone who is like me. Who is socially inept, who is willing to sit next to me and share comfortable silences and the awkwardness that being me brings. I don't know when that day will be. But I hope it's soon.

sorry for the rant, but I'm really depressed. I feel like giving up.



AutisticBelle
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 24 Nov 2011
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 193

04 Aug 2012, 11:00 pm

Don't give up. I sort of know how you feel, though I'm sure that our circumstances are different in many ways, they are probably the same in some ways too.
I know the feeling of being isolated in a crowded room. It feels almost like being your caught in a dimesion between two parallel realities, touching both but not a part of either. Its so achingly lonely, isn't it?
I'm afraid I can't offer anything other than sympathy and a few words. I don't feel addequate to offering advice.
Just don't give up, though. Life is all about working through things and you'll get to wherever you're destined to go, good at socializing or not.
And, happy happy happy birthday :D



Toy_Soldier
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jul 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,370

04 Aug 2012, 11:47 pm

There are some things you can do improve conversation. An example is to ask others questions about themselves. Not just "How are things going?" but also followup with more questions to get to know them better. Most people don't mind talking about themselves and it is generally complimentary that someone shows an interest. It is also not too difficult to come up with questions.

I did notice you say that you can't converse like you once did with old friends, which seems to mean it was easier before. I do know time and circumstances can change that. I not sure about the Aspie population in general but do know I do not need a lot of social interaction. I have short phases when I feel up to it, and longer periods where I can go without hardly any at all.

But I do need at least one very close friend. For me things do not seem the same without someone to share it with. So I do hope you can find that friend. To find them you may have to be very demonstrative and come out of the shell though. That is not the time to hold back, for they may pass by without really noticing you. And it may take a few tries to find the right one. So conversation and socializing can't be given up on entirely, but can be limited to a smaller circle.



saraip
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 3 Aug 2012
Age: 42
Gender: Female
Posts: 233
Location: Johannesburg, South Africa

05 Aug 2012, 1:56 am

Oh boy - how many times have I been in this situation! I know what you mean, and I wish I had a good response for you, but I have given up - I don't engage in social contact anymore, and I can tell you that it is pretty crap... but then again, is it worse than having to endure interactions that you don't enjoy or where you feel misunderstood? I personally think it is better being alone.

Still, I understand what you mean about being with people who are like you - maybe that's what you're craving - the need to be around other people who feel and think the same so that you don't feel like you are so "left out". I know I would LOVE that too. Are there any Aspie support groups in your area? Have you met any fellow Aspies in person? Maybe you can ask around on the forum who lives in your area?

Not sure if any of these suggestions help, but I can tell you that in my personal experience, I'm a bit bummed that I will be spending my birthday alone.