still can't figure out...

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The point of life? Childhood was miserable. I was very sheltered. My dad was verbally abusive to my mother, not so much me because I think he was trying to turn me against her. He would spoil the crap outta me and indulge me in all my weird AS obsessions, so in a way it worked. My dad died when I was 15, so my world came crashing down. Less money and a lot more misery. Plus I was in H.S. so it was amplified. I never got diagnosed with anything, though I had been to some therapy after Dad died. But I hid things well. Especially my cutting. It seems whatever I do is wrong. I always mess things up. I am married now with an 8 yr old daughter. I am also transgender, but deeply in the closet about it. My life is passing me by, which adds to the depression. I want to be happy instead of wanting to die all the time, thinking my family would be better off without me, but I can't do that to my daughter. I don't want her ever thinking it was her fault. I am very dependent. I didn't get my drivers license until I was 20 years old. I drive, but just get so mad at other stupid drivers I don't drive much. I can't stand people, let alone groups of them. I am 26, will be 27 this month and I have never had a job. Never lived alone. I have no control over my life. I cant be independent. I need help. I just am stuck with this miserable life. So what is the point of it all??? I am just so frustrated.

Meaning, especially in regards to life, is very subjective. If you cannot find a purpose to your life, then create a purpose. Your daughter would be a good place to start. I have no reason to believe that you are not capable of accomplishing great things on your own merit. If you cannot bring yourself to believe this, however, then perhaps you can believe in your daughter's ability to accomplish greatness. Maybe the sheer act of being her loving, caring mother is spawning a greatness that will one day change the world for the better. Maybe that is your purpose.
Your life has definitely had its paramount struggles and discomforts. I express my sympathy for this. You have a desire to succeed, to excel, to push past this pain and better yourself--this is commendable. Have you ever considered delving into spirituality? I am not saying that you have to "find God" or worship any particular deity, but it has been revealed that connecting to a "higher power," whatever that winds up being for you (I am a pantheist, myself), helps you to cope with feelings of hopelessness and despair.
In any case, I wish you the best of luck in dealing with your negative feelings. May you find happiness and hope.

I've tried a couple of Christian based religions, but being an atheist works for me. Catholicism worked well, I like the rules of it, but being trans, it's kind of counter-productive. The older I get the more spirituality slips away from me. I got tired of hearing God is so great blah blah.

My daughter is amazing, I lover her, and I hate to say this, but, I just have too many issues and I feel like I am dragging her down. She takes a lot of cue from me. I can't help myself and be something different. I don't want to her to act like me, but I can't help it.

Thank you, I hope things work out. Preferably sooner lol.

khaos - have you spoken with someone face to face about this all? Psychotherapy should be your starting point.

I can feel it. You want to be saved, not to save yourself. But it is very important that you want. Now prove it. Not with words, but actions. Where do we aim to after psychoteraphy? Money, cutting, transgender?

I've tried, but it is hard, I get tired of people giving me that "she's crazy" look. Plus I need to find someone out of town. This town is small enough the people I go to seem old and uninformed like what's wrong with me is some new technology to be ignorant and fearful of. Plus what I was diagnosed with seems to be a bit off, plus I think there is more to it. Cutting is not an issue anymore. I do my very best at being invisible and not stand out in any way. Money is a bigger issue than anything, then the trans issue.

My biggest problem is getting the ball rolling. When I don't know what I am doing, I am so fearful I tend to freeze. That is mainly what makes me dependent. Once it's started, I can follow through, unless I get stuck into an unknown situation.

So do it. Find competent psychologist out of town, who helps you to find out and learn more about yourself. It is important to know the roots of your condition, then you can improve it. Don't wait, because you will sink deeper.