Just fed up with life

Post Reply New Topic

Nothing ever goes right for me. My whole life, ever since I've had a personality/been able to think for myself, I have just been miserable.

I'm sick of this BPD and now I suspect I have mild Aspergers on top of it.

I have only 1 friend that I have made recently, and only ever had 1 girlfriend, who treated me well sometimes, but basically also emotionally abused me.
I'm so lonely, and it seems no-one ever gives a s**t for me.

I was very badly bullied, verbally, as well as physically, from the age of 6 until I left school at 16, tried college for a week where I was bullied and singled out, then I left college where I got a job as a waitress, was bullied and singled out there, got another job at a supermarket, was bullied and singled out there, then I went back to college at 18, again was bullied and singled out.
I eventually left my job because I couldn't deal with the stress, and now I've been on Disability Living Allowance and Employment Support Allowance since.

I am abused by my dad (verbally, used to be physical as in hitting, never anything sexual) every day. He still lays his hands on me sometimes, and I'm sick of it all.
My mum is also seeming to be at breaking point with my dad, and I'm suspecting a divorce within the next 12 months. I could be wrong, since my mum only stays because she can't afford to live on her own, but I don't think she can handle the abuse from my dad anymore.

My parents don't even care for me. They never ask about me or ask what's wrong or anything when they see tears in my eyes, yet my brother who's 18, just broke up with his girlfriend, and was crying a little, and they just fawned all over him OH MY GOD I'M SO SORRY!
They were back together the next day!

I am practically invisible to the world. I don't know if I can take it anymore.

If you have to wonder why I'm covered in self-harm scars all over my body, then this is why.

I don't really know what to write.
I can understand how you're feeling because most of your post I could have written, as am feeling the same way/in similar situation.

I'm trying to take a day at a time and get out of the house often.

*hugs*

Very sorry to hear about your situation and the bullying in particular. I hate bullying and have always been very agressive to stop bullying when I see it. Even to the point of chasing people down. But when it happens to me, it is devastating and I kinda collaspe under it usually, and just try to get out of the situation.

Wow, that seems eerily familiar... Like 95% similar to my own life, including when my parents broke up. (Which they both agreed was my fault!)

I wish I could give you some useful advice, but I can't. My life continues to spiral into the lowest reaches of hell.

Well, I can say one thing. Never tell anyone you have BPD. They will automatically assume you are a mass-murderer waiting to happen.

Really, I'm not making that up. (Sad...)

Just a little side not some really successful business men have bpd the only difference is that they have a secretary that scheduled all there meetings when there on the up side and make arrangements when there down.